Yup! Another untitled linefic challenge! ::sweatdrops:: Anywho, without further ado...
Duo paced nervously.
/It's not my fault.....right?/ he thought, /I mean..... how could I have known it was flammable?/
He groaned. Heero will be so angry when he gets home....
Duo slumped to the ground and cradled his head in his hands. His back instinctively stiffened as he heard the determined footfalls of his lover. A black briefcase fell to the floor with a thud, clattering into Duo's line of vision.
/Okay, no omae o korosu yet. No blinding pain. Yup the situation may still be salvageable./ Slightly hopeful, he raised his eyes to meet burning cobalt. /Or... he could just be building himself UP to first degree manslaughter by figuring out where to hide my body./
"Duo." Heero finally managed to spit out. He seemed at a loss for anything more to say.
"I know. I know! It looks bad. But really, it wasn't my fault."
"Then. Whose. Fault. Is. It."
"The dog's"
"What dog?"
"The one that was attached to the postman's leg."
"Attached?"
"Yeah superglued actually, it was this viscous little poodle-Chihuahua mix. Don't know how.... but it got attached to his leg when he tried to hump it or something. It wasn't me this time, I only put confetti in the mailbox. Superglue was last week. You don't suppose that dog was stuck to his leg all that time do you?" Duo dismissed the question. He took a huge breath and continued on his rapid fire rambling, seemingly ignoring the glazed look passing over Heero's eyes. "Anyways he came in and I cut his pants leg off. Which was kinda fun for a while, not the pants part but the dog. I could put my foot down on the fabric and the dog would just scrabble in place for a while. I never liked yappy dogs."
"But that doesn't explain--"
"Maa maa, I'm getting there. Anyway that dog was really freaking strong. I mean like the Foo Foo Chihuahua From Hell. He ripped the fabric and from all the momentum he went flying into the curtains and kinda got buried in there. He couldn't seem to get out and I got a phone call. And just then the housekeeper that the landlord hired came in, way bad timing.
"Anyway, she took one look at the postal worker with his pants off in the living room taunting the psychopup," Duo grimaced, yanking on his frazzled hair as he continued. "Well, she just went off, calling him a terrible pervert and then rounded on me, saying that she knew I was a sick one and all, but how dare I cheat on my husband and that the postal dude wasn't all that good looking anyway. I of course agreed to that. I mean he was kinda beefy and too tall and had that yeti Neanderthal look."
"That isn't the point." At this point, poor Hee-chan was doing that twitchy thing normally only associated with Wufei.
"All right, I know, I was just painting the background for you. So all of us are arguing when the Pooch from Purgatory manages to get loose and darts off and this supersonic speed, so me and the postman give chase while the cleaning lady chases us to make sure we leave that poor mistreated puppy wuppy alone." Duo snorts, his tone oozing sarcasm. He leapt to his feet. "And then are worst fears are confirmed. We finally catch up with him in the den, and the stupid mutt has your laptop in it's jaws, and was gripping down hard, I mean that crack and jangle sounded really expensive."
Heero stiffened, his eyes pinning Duo to the spot. "My laptop?" His tone was absolutely flat.
/Shit. Quiet is bad, VERY bad. Not as bad as psychotic laughter, but still VERY bad./
"Well, now you understand my panic! Not only was that dog mean, but he was smart and suicidal, usually those terms don't coincide. Er heheh no offense, outside of the mission I meant. ANYway. I leap at it, trying to liberate it, while the damage is still repairable, and Rocket Rover takes off, poofy tail wagging and dragging that pants leg. We corner him again in the living room and it's like this Mexican stand off, except for the lady hitting us with the feather duster, that really ruined the mood.
"So, it's backing up towards the fire I had started up for when you'd come home since, you know, it is nice to be nice to you every now and then. When the bug-eyed fluffball trips and yells, making the laptop go flying straight into the fire. WHOOSH did it go up to. You wouldn't think plastic was that flammable. Well, by the time I had gotten those insulated gloves that you bought me after the kite incident that messed up the LAST laptop it was just dust.... and that's it. I'm sorry!"
"Duo. As much as buying another laptop pisses me off, that's not what I'm concerned about."
Duo gulped and grinned up at the Perfect Soldier. "What's that?"
"WHY." Heero took a second to calm himself down again, "Is our house. A pile of rubble?"
"Eheheh, well.. erm... while I was busy kicking that dogs shaved ass, I kinda forgot I had dinner in the oven annnnndddddd it kinda caught on fire.... But!" Duo perked up immediately. "I didn't like that place anyway and I think it's defiantly time to move before the cops get here whatcha say Hee-chan?"
"Cops?"
"Nother story! Heee, you did bring your car right?"
As Heero found himself dragged towards their newly dubbed getaway car, he wondered again how Duo managed to get rid to he drapes he hated, the delivery man who he argued with, the yappy dog next door, the laptop he despised, and the house he was bored of, demolished all in one ludicrously accidental, (and knowing Duo) completely true, catastrophe.
With his training.... and tendancy to destroy rather than argue....
"Duo?" He finally asked as his lover floored the gas and zoomed along the interstate.
"Yeah?"
"We really have to work on your communication skills."
His answer was a foppish grin and the whir of the engine picking up speed. Heero sighed and watched the milemarkers pass. Asbestos was definitely on the shopping list this time.
The End
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