24-Jul-2000
Title: Shades of Red
Author: Laekin (seregill@aol.com) and bonnejeanne (bonnejeanne@yahoo.com)
Archive: GW Addiction & Darkflame if she wishes
Category: yaoi, angst
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: 1x2, 5x4x3 (or some weird order of the same)
Warnings: LEMON in this section
Spoilers: Series, EW but not really
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing characters and universe are the property of the
copyright owners. Our stuff is ours. No money being made here. As with all
our fics so far, while our goal is to stay as in character as possible, any
discrepancies are our mistakes.
Feedback: Any and all comments, feedback, critiques welcome, be they short or long.
Duo stood in the doorway, watching Heero. The other boy's face was still so vulnerable and open and Duo had gotten so used to reading the barest of nuances that it was like being yelled at now. Walking back to the bed, he settled Quatre back down on his side of it, curling the little blonde around a pillow and under a blanket. Then he walked over to Heero's side of the bed and held out his hand.
"Think I could still interest you in that shower?" But so help him if Heero tried to escape into work he was going to find himself bound up in duct tape till just his nose peeked out to let him breathe. This message along with desperate concern was written openly in his violet eyes.
Heero looked up, and said in a low, intense voice, "I hate it when you look like that. Because I know it's my fault. This is why I wasn't supposed to feel... because I can't do anything about it."
Duo put one knee on the bed and leaned till he was pressed over Heero's upper body looking down into indigo eyes directly. His voice was soft despite the intensity in his gaze. "Listen to me Heero. Yes. I won't lie to you. This is the price of feeling. The pro is... love.. companionship, joy, happiness, laughter, kindness, connection. The con is fear... hurt.. tears...worry. There isn't a lot you can do to just.. shut your feelings on and off but you can seek to understand them. Where they come from.. why you feel the way you do. In that there is a certain level of control."
Knowing that control was a major issue for his reserved lover. It was a major issue for them all, it always had been.
"I'm too far behind, Duo," Heero said. "I'll never catch up to... the rest of you. As long as it's just you, I think I can handle it. When I have to think about other people's needs... all I can think of is how wrong I am for filling any of them. Fighting... taking out an objective - I can do that. Dealing with emotions like... like Wufei's, or Quatre's... even Trowa's... I just want to shut them off and make them go away."
Duo frowns a little, thoughtfully not angrily, "What are you saying Heero? That you don't want the emotions that Trowa, Wufei and Quatre hold out to you?"
Heero closed his eyes. "I don't deserve them. I can never live up to them. All I can do is continue to work hard at being... an efficient soldier. To try and protect from harm. The fewer... missions we have... the more... peace there is... the less I know what to do..."
Duo reached up and laid his hand along the side of Heero's face looking at him gently. "Heero... whether you decide you deserve them or not... isn't going to make Wufei stop respecting you, Quatre stop loving you or Trowa stop enjoying your company. I have news... they are three rather strong willed, stubborn bakas in their own right and they will put up a fight about you trying to take what is theirs away from them." Duo couldn't quite stop the soft smile on his face as he continued. "Heero.. no one is asking you to make the transition in the blink of an eye. No one is asking you to change who you are and... I ..." He stopped there and blinked.
Heero reached out and his hand closed on Duo's wrist. "That's not true, Duo." He looked into those deep violet pools. "I am."
Duo took a deep breath and he gave a little nod to that. "We are all growing up Heero. We are all trying to learn our places in this new world we helped to create. We're all changing. I guess what I'm trying to get across to you though is... none of us are in a race. None of us are looking back from some imaginary point going.. 'well?? Are you gonna catch up now?' This isn't a competition."
Heero shook his head, releasing his grip on Duo's wrist, and looked at the floor. "It's still not true," he said softly. "I am. I watch myself with you, with... them. I don't try to, it's just the way I operate. I measure things. How else can I know if I'm performing adequately? And I'm... not."
Duo growled and grabbed Heero's shoulders giving him a rather firm little shake. "You baka! This is.. not a performance evaluation." His jaw knotted and he let Heero go, resting his hands on either side of the other boy's head. "Will you please... please.... listen to my words. I know that this is the way you look at things but there isn't some scale that you can go to and see if you're measuring up. To someone, somewhere.. you will never perform adequately, while to someone else the sun will shine out of your ass you're so perfect. It's called life Heero, it's not neat and precise like we're used to. It's convoluted and messy and it's *hard* to fight your way through it. Damn it!" Duo ducked his head to the side, taking a couple agitated breaths... "Damn it... why do you think I need you so much? There is no way I'm getting through this *war* by myself." His words becoming choked and strained for the first time that day.
Heero responded instinctively to the tone, even though his own conflicts were far from resolved. He stood up and pulled Duo against him, wrapping his arms around the braided boy and kissing him deeply. It was the one thing he knew how to do, that he knew would give Duo comfort.
Not this time. Duo was winding up fast and hard and his body echoed the strain. He didn't fight Heero's hold but he beat his head against the other boy's chest, his voice stressed from tears he fought not to shed. "You... and Trowa and Wufei... you three can miss the most vital points sometimes. Quatre and I have taken a close look at the front lines of "life" and both of us have come scurrying back needing all of us. We can't do it alone Heero. I *can't* do it alone. Neither can he. In that we understand each other perfectly. One night.. when you three were on some mission or another I was getting drunk and we were talking and we both agreed that we'd rather face two whole division of OZ mobile suits with peashooters then try to get through one day alone. At least death would be faster that way."
Heero gave Duo a little shake. "I'm here. What else do you want?"
Duo just shook his head. "My *wants* are unreasonable and irrelevant."
"*Your* wants are the only thing that is relevant to me, koi," Heero said, trying to find some way to make whatever this was better for Duo.
"I... I just don't want you to give up on yourself." Duo muttered, his head hanging.
Heero pressed Duo's head against his shoulder stroking his hair. He took a breath. "Okay. Koi says, don't give up on self. Mission accepted."
Duo was still for a moment, then he gave a little nod. None of them could change on a dime. This was progress. His body relaxed then, going nearly limp in Heero's hold as all the tension and stress seemed to wash out of him. Quick to anger and quick to upset but also quick to accept what he could and could not make right and let go excess baggage.
As Trowa would have teased Heero if he had the chance, in a lot of ways the Japanese boy was lucky in that respect. Quatre could hold a damn grudge for months.
Heero held Duo firmly, tilting his head down to find the American's lips with his. He tried the kiss again, licking Duo's upper and then lower lip and then pressing his mouth open to invade with a seeking tongue. This gift of physical love was the single tool he gotten from Duo that he felt he could do half right. If it failed him this time, he'd be... well it would be a lot harder to fulfill the promise he'd just made to the other boy.
This time there was nothing between them but the nearly unconditional love that Duo had found in himself for Heero. Tilting his head back, he gave a low moan in his throat as he responded eagerly to that kiss. Returning it with a passionate heat born completely out of love, not just physical lust. Though as he pressed himself against Heero, the other boy could feel firm evidence of *that* as well.
Heero feel into the kiss, deepening it, feeding Duo his tongue until it felt as it they were merging into each other. His hands moved down Duo's back and curved around his rear, pressing them together even tighter. His hands kneaded the curves, and his own already-firm bulge rubbed against Duo's, creating friction.
Duo turned and took a step back, leading Heero towards the bathroom they shared. Showers were wonderful things to share.
Heero followed, letting go of his emotional conflicts as he went. Duo might never realize it but lovemaking was the sole backdoor into Heero's troubled heart that bypassed the years of training and the years of terrible experiences. It was the reason he'd been able to give his heart to Duo at all, at first. Now it was a touchstone to the wider world that the braided boy had opened for him, a world where he so frequently felt he didn't belong, but which he'd never even dreamed of entering for most of his life. Heero pulled off the clothes he was wearing, dropping them on the floor. Then he pulled off Duo's just as quickly. As the braided boy reached for the water taps, Heero pulled him back, throwing a big towel on the floor with one hand and pulling Duo down onto it with the other until he had the boy spread out on the floor.
"Forget the water," he growled softly. "I'll bathe you myself," he finished, and then began licking every inch of Duo's skin from his neck down.
Duo followed his lover's intensity through the ditching of clothes, gasping as skin met bared skin and rubbing against Heero in an almost mindless reaction. He'd been reaching for the taps when Heero had grabbed him and tumbled them both down onto the soft towel. Sprawling on his back Duo arched towards the other boy with a soft moan of his name, drawing the word out like a prayer. "Heero..." His hands reached and tangled in dark hair tugging gently but passionately as he began to twist and writhe with pleasure from the busy attentions of that tongue.
By now the state of his arousal was almost painful and he cried out softly with each electrifying touch. It scared him, sometimes, how connected he felt to Heero when they made love. Every sense, every sensation was heightened in a way it never had been with any other lover and the intensity drove him nearly mad. He knew he got teased for being rather vocal but he gave up complete control to Heero and to what they were making together when making love and he felt absolutely no shame in his decision to do so.
Heero reached one hand up, running fingers across Duo's face, then placing two of them at the American's lips, pushing gently in, just a little. His mouth worked across Duo's chest, sucking each tender nipple, then continuing to travel across his stomach, teasing the soft skin, and down to the triangle below. His cheek brushed Duo's straining erection as he licked around the base, then slowly wrapped his tongue around the shaft. He licked slowly, with little tastes, up until his lips brushed the head and then he slowly took the throbbing length into his mouth.
Duo turned his head towards those inquisitive fingers, letting them slide past tight lips that began an almost automatic suckling motion. His tongue alternating between lashing them and curling around the tips with tickling little touches. He strained his head upwards to take them deeper into his mouth then released them as he fell back with a hard cry as Heero's hot mouth slid across his length. The pleasure was almost too much to be borne, specially when he'd been straining at the very edge of almost pain just the moment before. He couldn't completely stop the automatic lift of his hips, thrusting into that moist warmth.
Heero felt the upward movement and went with it, letting Duo push himself deeper. The taste of his lover was something Heero had learned to love and relish, and he sucked at the shaft, running his tongue over the opening at the top, coaxing a little more of the first drops of liquid from there for him to drink. His head moved, pulling back, then down, and he began sucking Duo's hard length in earnest, squeezing the base, sucking hard then releasing, then sucking again. He wanted the taste of Duo's full release in his mouth and wasn't going to stop until he'd accomplished his objective.
Far be it from one crazy American to thwart the mission objective of the Perfect Soldier. Besides, there was no way Duo was going to be able to hold out beneath the physical stimulation his lover was lavishing upon his tense body. He moved in time with Heero's motions, grabbing the towel in his hands and twisting the fabric as he fought not to begin thrusting blindly. His hips did jerk though as he felt the muscles in his groin tighten then pleasure exploded behind his closed eyes and he arched at a twisting angle shouting Heero's name as he gave over his orgasm to that skillful mouth.
Heero slipped one hand under Duo's back, supporting him as his body arched up, and took the hot flesh deeper into his throat, pulling back finally to suck the last drops of come from it, feeling a satiation that he'd never known with any other partner. He felt Duo climax, thrashing, then felt the relaxation that came on pleasure's heels and eased him back to the floor, lifting his head only when there was nothing left to take. His own cock throbbed achingly, the experience of feeling and tasting Duo's release pushing him harder against his own arousal. He moved, crawling between the braided boy's legs and lifted them, bending to swipe his tongue between Duo's legs. His tongue found the small puckered gate and lashed it. Heero leaned up, looking down at his sprawled lover with his indigo eyes all but glowing with desire and need.
Duo was nearly limp in the aftermath of his orgasm, the power of it never ceased to take his breath away. His body relaxed into Heero's hold then he was moaning pleasurably once again as that busy tongue lashed against his body's opening. A little concentration and he relaxed the tight muscles in a non-verbal invitation. His arms reached for Heero as passion-hazed violet eyes reached to embrace his lover's gaze.
Heero read the consent in his lover's eyes and nodded, reaching down to invade Duo's body with one finger, then two, stretching him quickly but not roughly. Breathing deeply, trying to control himself for the last few moments needed, he placed himself at Duo's entrance and slowly pushed inside, stopping, waiting for the adjustment, then pushing deeper. In a few moments he was fully buried, his body almost shivering with the pleasure of that hot, tight flesh holding him so snugly. He allowed a low moan to escape his lips, then pulled back slowly, feeling the wonderful friction, and then reversed and pushed back in. He knew Duo's body so well that it was easy to find the target he was aiming for, and he began thrusting himself into his lover's body, groaning at the wonderful feeling of Duo around him.
Duo's body was already shuddering from the explosion of pleasure he'd just enjoyed in his climax. It was almost too much to bear when Heero slowly stretched and filled him, making him scrabble against his lover's shoulders as his breathing became hard and stuttered. He whimpered Heero's name at the moment he felt the other boy seat himself, then his cries began in earnest as Heero worked his body with the knowledge of long term lovers. Duo threw his head back arching and rocking his hips in counter point time to Heero's thrusts, moving in the ways he knew brought his lover the greatest amount of pleasure. His eyes shut tightly, Duo had no control over the steams of water that leaked out of the corners.
Heero felt Duo dancing beneath him, and his body responded, thrusting harder, moving faster, targeting Duo's pleasure center and spiraling Heero's feelings even more. "Ai shiteru, Duo," he gasped softly, his hands wrapping around the other boy's hips. He felt the climax begin deep inside him, moving out to spill into his lover's body, continuing to thrust into him, seeking to bring Duo with him to the threshold and over.
Duo twisted beneath Heero, wrapping his legs and arms tightly around his lover as he gasped and moaned out, "Oh gods yes!... I love you Heero." Turning his head almost frantically till he could get his lips against his lover's as he tumbled once more into the white hot glare of climax, his teeth clenching as his body shuddered uncontrollably beneath and around Heero's.
Heero released everything inside his shuddering lover, stilling at last, leaving himself buried deeply. He held Duo tightly as they both trembled on the floor. Gasping, Heero finally forced himself to move a little, adjusting them, resting along Duo' side as he held them together. His breath was husky and uneven as he kissed his lover's neck tenderly. "Love... you," he breathed softly. "The rest... doesn't matter..."
Duo's arms remained tightly wound around Heero's shoulders, though he relaxed the grasp of his legs to make it possible for Heero to make them both more comfortable. Duo pressed his face into the curve of Heero's neck, licking softly before just sighing deeply and laying there, inhaling the musky scent of his lover, a scent he would know if he were ever to be stricken blind as he knew every muscle and sinew to be found in that powerful, highly trained body.
Duo nodded gently, his hands rubbing across Heero's damp shoulders as he whispered. "You're right. With you... it's all right." Duo pressed tightly against Heero, as if he would just melt himself right into the other boy and stay there safe and warm.
Sighing softly, Heero kissed Duo's neck. At moments like this, he felt the only true satisfaction he could remember. Duo's voice, his touch, everything about him told Heero in irrefutable ways that he had done something good. He had given something good. And he'd been able to receive in full measure what Duo so unselfishly offered. This was his one answer to the internal voices he'd been given by his training, voices that were never ever satisfied. But this was his... his and Duo's. As long as he had this, Heero had hope.
He smiled against Duo's neck, squeezing him breathless for a moment. He almost laughed. He ignored the hot tears that emerged from his eyes, deeming them a malfunction. "It's still here," he whispered.
Duo wasn't pulling away from his lover for anything. He was going to stay right in that spot till Heero shook him loose. "Hmm?" He murmured with a certain post coitial sleepiness.
"Nothing, koi," Heero soothed him. He lay still and happy for a little while, then moved, scooping Duo up in his arms and getting to his feet. He carried Duo back into the bedroom and placed him on the bed, then solved the problem of how to arrange things by climbing in the middle and settling Quatre against his one side and scooping Duo tightly against the other. He leaned his head over to rest against Duo's cheek.
TBC
Let us know what you think!
Laekin and bonnejeanne
Please send comments to: Seregill@aol.com or bonnejeanne@yahoo.com