15-Sep-2000
Category: Adventure, Action, Emotional Angst, Romance.
Pairings: 1x2, 3x4x5 (Combinations there of)
Rating: R (Bad words)
Disclaimer: Not mine, no money being made here or sought.
NOTES: *Major* emotional angst happening here. Bonne ( bonnejeanne@yahoo.com) is the wonderful puppeteer of Heero and Relena and I keep track of Duo and Quatre.
It almost seemed as if Quatre wouldn't but in the last moment he moved, quick as snake, using the bike as a launch point and ducked beneath Heero's natural guard, reaching for the weapon with one hand, while faking with the other.
Heero didn't bother trying to guard the gun. He simply clamped both hands around parts of the blonde's body - an arm, a shoulder. The grip was like steel. "Now you've got it. Better use it."
Quatre closed his hand on the grip of the handgun, once he had it, he went to twist, finding himself held tight he pushed into Heero's hold, instead of trying to yank free of it. His foot lashed out, attempting to tug Heero backwards, off balance, using the other boy's weight against him, instead of trying to out muscle him.
Heero didn't dodge or duck any blows, he simply absorbed them. And he stuck.
All Quatre wanted now... was free. He attempted a couple more turns and squirms but while Heero had taught him a lot. He obviously hadn't taught him everything. In the end, Quatre went still. His voice was quiet, strained but calm.
"If you truly mean to protect me. Let me go Heero."
"If you truly want to be free, talk to your lover. I made a promise. It's not about my intentions, it's about his. And yours. I won't make you do anything you don't want to do, but I will not let you leave here with my gun and go off alone. You want to blow off your responsibilities? Fine. Where you go, I go. I'm not your nursemaid, I don't give a shit what you do other than when you try and make me relinquish my mission." Heero said, the rare use of profanity adding emphasis to his intense tone.
Quatre looked up at Heero, swallowed and spoke very quietly. "Sometimes, Heero.. it would be nice to be your friend. Not your damn mission." With that he slammed the gun grip first into Heero's chest, hard, not hard enough to break anything but enough to leave a bruise. He released the weapon, letting Heero catch it or not, then the small blond twisted and kicked as hard as he could, with a strength born of a desperation to be released. His intention once again the bike.
Heero growled, retaining his grip on the blond. "Fingercuffs," he snapped. "Stop fighting."
Quatre was probably as close to completely out of control as Heero had ever seen him. Even under Zero's influence the first time, there had been a level of methodical control to the blonde's actions. Now there was nothing. "Then let me go!" Quatre practically screamed and even to Heero, the words would sound as if they were torn from somewhere deep within Quatre, not so much aimed at the situation.. here.. and now... but to something much deeper and broader.
Heero took a breath, then suddenly pressed his lips to the blonde's. It was brief but it was a kiss nonetheless. "You can't get away until you stop fighting," he said and the words came from further down inside the Japanese boy then Quatre had ever glimpsed. If it made no difference, then it wouldn't matter. The choices he was making now might be wrong but they were the only ones Heero could make.
The kiss startled the little blond.. just enough that the rest of the words got through. Suddenly the physical effort it would take to actually run.. left him. Quatre just collapsed onto his knees, curling up on himself. The hard sobs he'd been trying to hold in, escaped his tenuous hold and his slender body shuddered under their force. In those moments he was one again very much a young child, broken by a burden taken on too early.
Heero tucked the gun away, then knelt beside the blond and simply picked him up. He got on the bike, holding Quatre against him and started the engine. He took off out of the parking garage and drove for a while, ending up in an empty and deserted park. Turning the engine off, he lifted the blond and walked over to a small grassy hill, placing him there. Then he stepped away, leaving the Arabian alone, finding his own place a few feet away. He took the gun out of his pants and stared at it for a long time, his normally impassive face reflecting emotions of intense self-loathing and pain.
For a while, Quatre remained curled up in the small ball, pressing his face against the dew laden grass. It was interesting that the colonies had, had to work to get dew to happen. More so then balancing the weather patterns.
Whatever went on in his head was hidden behind the tears and sobs until Quatre suddenly struggled up to his feet. It was as if for the moment he felt completely alone, though Heero sat a few feet away as he raged, for the first time up towards the sky and the stars beyond. Asking the unseen, the impossible.
"Why did you do that. Why did you leave me. I wasn't ready. Disobedient, yes... arrogant, yes, a child... A CHILD.. you called me that yourself! Then you left. How was I supposed to learn! I didn't get a chance to make amends. Damn you!"
The last two words were practically screamed and aimed, perhaps not so much at one person.. but at the stars and the colonies floating within. Quatre screamed it over and over until his voice went hoarse and died to a whisper. Then he fell back down onto his knees wrapping his arms around his damp, chilled body.
Heero waited. He used his communicator to send Duo a silent message that he was safe and with Quatre. Then he simply continued to wait and watch.
Quatre wound up a couple of times. Each time, gaining his feet and yelling up towards his *father*, the rants ending with generalities aimed at the colonies and people in general. In these attacks, Heero discovered the answer to the question of why Relena seemed to gain energy from the meetings and the visits and the rest of it, while Quatre just got more and more stressed. The difference between believing in something and playing a role.
Finally the little blonde's body gave out and he dropped for the last time, to his knees, shoulders heaving as he sucked in much needed air. Quatre stayed down, staring at the ground, focusing on one blade of grass, then he forced his legs back under him. Looking like a newborn foal as he lurched to his feet, swaying unbalanced on braced legs, his head still bent.
Heero watched Quatre make it to his feet, but he didn't stand. He tossed the gun at the blonde's feet as well as the keys to the bike.
Quatre looked blankly at them. Then he just turned, walking away from them. He made a largish circle that brought him back up behind Heero. His voice was barely above a whisper.
"Get up."
Heero didn't even look around. "Fuck you, Quatre," he said softly.
"Funny... I could say the same thing. Get up Heero."
Silence, no movement.
"It's not that easy Yuy. Get up!"
Heero stood and turned in one fluid movement. His face was still as a mask of stone and it was wet.
Quatre sort of twitched side to side, with that sort of unsteady physical wobble that came to the either truly drunk or exhausted. He looked into that mask of stone and the cold eyes behind it. He looked at the dampness, then back at the reserved stone. He stepped forward and took a gamble. Not a neatly figured out gamble. Not a planned gamble weighing the odds. A completely off the cliff gamble.
He reached up and gathered the angry young man to him.
Heero stood stiffly, then slowly relaxed ... so much so that he ended up on his knees in front of the blond. Not looking up, he said in a soft, inflectionless voice, "I'm... sorry."
When Heero didn't pull away, or throw him sixty feet across the park, Quatre closed his arms around the boy. He curled when Heero went down on his knees. Quatre remained on his feet but he tucked his body down and around Heero's protectively, while at the same time clinging.
His heart tore at the softly spoken word and though he wished he had better, he whispered back. "I'm sorry. Forgive me Heero?"
The Japanese boy's face lifted, his expression completely and totally confused. He searched Quatre's eyes. Whatever he saw there did not clear up whatever was mystifying Heero Yuy.
Quatre saw the confusion and he took a slow.. careful breath. His chest hurt. He straightened just a little. He was still curled around Heero but now he could look directly into his face. Reaching up one hand, gentle fingers stroked at the moisture on Heero's cheek.
"Forgive me, for making your job harder. For throwing, unkind.. brutal words at you. For attacking you when I was angry at... everything else. Forgive me for ... faltering in my own convictions and confusing the issues for you. For... being selfish and forgetting that I can't be that angry, arrogant, self-centered child anymore."
Heero shuddered slightly. He swallowed. "I... I never had what you had, Quatre," he said, his voice low and still a bit unemotional, though his eyes were anything but. "So I can't imagine what it must be like to lose it. I wanted... to be your friend. But maybe I just don't have it in me to be anything but what I was made."
Quatre reached up with both hands, softly stroking them across Heero's face and into his hair, holding his face up so he could look into cobalt blue eyes directly. "It hurt. It still hurts. " Speaking.. sharing the pain of the loss. Then his teal eyes darkened a little. "I was unkind Heero. You are... special. Too Duo, to me, to Trowa and Wufei. To this crazy universe. You shouldn't try to measure who you are by those around you." Quatre gave a weak smile. Weak only because he couldn't muster much energy for one of his beaming grins. " It doesn't matter Heero. I believe in you. I always have."
Heero shrugged slightly, almost helplessly. "I... want you to talk to Wufei. Since this isn't working for you."
Quatre stroked Heero's hair once more, sort of trying to impose order on it.. and failing. His hands fell then to the Japanese boy's shoulders and he shook his head. "I can't. Especially now. I took two steps back today. I can't go to Wufei and Trowa until I know my own strength is enough."
Heero reached up and pulled Quatre down to sit - it was less tiring that watching him sway on his feet. "If you didn't like it today, you won't like it any better tomorrow," he said.
Quatre's legs sort of shot out from under him and he thumped softly onto the deep grass beside Heero. "Then, I'll face it again tomorrow and the day after that if I must. " Quatre finally released Heero, drawing his knees up to his chest and laying his cheek on them.
Heero shook his head but was silent. He'd said all he could. His eyes simply testified mutely to the fact that he believed there was still something wrong and felt helpless to do something about it.
After a while, Heero pulled out his communicator. He sent Duo a message with their location. 'Get a car, come and get us.'
Quatre studied Heero, only looking out over the park so as to not eavesdrop on Duo's response to Heero's communication. As soon as he heard Heero disconnect he said very softly.
"I do, trust you to keep me safe. For what those words are worth."
Heero reached up, cupping his hands around Quatre's face. He leaned forward and kissed his lips. Then leaned back. "My mission is not to keep you *safe*," he said softly. "It's to keep you alive. The same way I would if we were allies in a battle - not to stop you from fighting, or acting on your instincts. I never asked you to do anything to make my *job easier*. You just assumed."
Quatre blinked, again at the physical touch of Heero's lips to his own. Then he ducked his head a little, giving a nod to the softly spoken words and the 'assumed'. "If I asked you, to take on another mission ... would you?"
"I don't know until you ask me," Heero said.
Quatre made a graceful gesture with his hands, trying to find the right words. "I need you Heero. Now, as much as ever. I need my right hand, my ally, my friend. I need your truth Heero. Even when it hurts."
"I don't understand," Heero said slowly. "Those things are already and have always been yours."
"I know. " Quatre whispered then he looked over at Heero, directly. "But I'm trying to tell you. I *need* you."
Heero tilted his head, trying to comprehend what the Arabian was saying. He sighed. "I'm not getting it, Quatre. Is there something you want me to do that I am not doing?"
Quatre smiled gently and shook his head. "No, no Heero." He took another long, slow, careful breath. "You were looking at me... in pain because of something you felt you were lacking in yourself. I'm trying to tell you... you're not. I'm also trying to tell you, that your sacrifices are not unnoticed. That I still *need* you for who you are Heero Yuy. Even if I don't always understand you."
Heero listened, gazing at the gentle smile on Quatre's lips. He shrugged slightly, not sure what response was appropriate. He'd never had this kind of conversation, never tried to use words to express such things, with anyone but Duo. Not really sure what he was doing or why, Heero leaned forward and kissed Quatre a second time, this one lingering for a moment to impart a caress of infinite tenderness and love. He drew back after a moment and dropped his eyes, not sure if he'd just made a very large mistake or not.
Actually ... it all finally connected. Little things that Duo had said in the past. Heero's own manner. The two gentle kisses earlier. The massage and the hug.. so long ago it seemed in that dark, dank warehouse. Quatre, looked at Heero's down cast eyes for a moment, then he reached out, touching his fingers to the bottom of Heero's chin and lifting cobalt eyes up to his. Once more, he smiled tenderly but he didn't say anything. Instead, he leaned in and returned the soft caress of lips to lips.
Heero stilled, feeling the kiss, then accepting it, then returning it for a very brief moment. His ears picked up the sound of an approaching car and he looked at Quatre, his eyes showing an emotion the blond had perhaps never seen in them. Wonder. Then he stood up and took Quatre's hands to help him rise to his feet.
Quatre, gave the dark haired boy another tender smile. Then he took his hands and scrabbled up to his feet. His legs felt like so many noodles but they held his weight. Lifting his head, his eyes searched the morning brightness for the car he suspected Heero had alerted on.
As the car, with Duo at the wheel, approached the two, Heero placed his arms around Quatre and gently hugged him. He whispered softly, "I'm sorry for your father's death. And I'm sorry you have to play this game of politics. And I am and have always been... proud to be... your partner."
Quatre took a shaky breath as his arms came up and closed around Heero and he folded himself trustingly in the Japanese boy's embrace. As Heero whispered...Quatre became very alert and he leaned back a little, looking into Heero's face with wide expressive eyes. It was his turn to wear the expression of pure wonder. Then he turned his face into Heero's neck, holding the other boy tightly as he whispered simply. "You are a wonderful person Heero. And I love you."
The first six words wandered by incomprehensible, but the last three were clear enough. Heero nodded.
Duo pulled up and peered out the windscreen at the pair. He was confident enough in his own relationship with Heero not to mistake what he saw. In fact, he grinned a little and a bit of weight left his heart. He'd feared he was going to come out here and find his lover and his little brother at far ends of the park from each other. Turning off the ignition, he opened the car door and slid out. Walking up the hillock towards the pair.
"People are starting to ask about his small blondness and I think Relena wants to talk to you Heero." Duo's normally bright chipper tones were softened, as if he could sense that gentleness was needed, for both boys.
"They'll have to wait a bit longer," Heero said. "He needs sleep. Can you get us back in without being spotted?"
Quatre kept his face against Heero's neck though he peeked at Duo for a moment with a little grin. Duo grinned back and reached up, touching damp, blond hair lightly, his hand dropping down to grip Heero's wrist for a long moment in a silent expression. He grinned, impishly.
"Hey... you're talking to the master here. Sneak is my middle name. Duo, God of Destruction, Lord of Death, Sneak, Maxwell."
Heero nodded and looked down. "Make it to the car?"
Quatre nodded, straightening back up. In fact he looked positively hell bent on making it to the car on his own. Standing on his own two feet and the like. For a moment.. a split second... his face took on that expression of...'Well.. if it's really important I could stay up...' then he kinda peeked at both Duo and Heero and the words never even made it past his vocal cords.
Duo caught the look and was ready to pounce but he relaxed when he saw that Quatre was going to be reasonable. He stepped aside, settling in at Heero's elbow and wrinkling his nose at Quatre. "Mule-headed."
"Baka."
"Blondie."
"Wonder-braid."
"Both bakas," Heero murmured. He leaned over and kissed Duo's cheek. "You drive. I'm taking a nap."
Duo surreptitiously got an arm around Heero's waist as they walked to the car. He looked at Heero's face, a chirpy comment on his lips that died away as he smiled softly and kissed his lover's temple. "Right. Both of you, in the back seat. Keep your heads down, it will make sneaking back past the reporters and guards easier."
Quatre made a little grumble at the word reporter, climbing obediently into the back of the unremarkable car Duo had brought.
Heero slid in and obediently curled up in a ball, rather like a cat, and closed his eyes.
Duo got into the driver's side of the car and soon they were in motion.
Quatre blinked, looking at Heero. "How does he do that?" He whispered hoarsely.
Duo looked in the review mirror for a moment and grinned. "It's a talent. Emulate it we're getting close.
Quatre just slid down onto the floorboards, which let him rest his head on the seat. He didn't close his eyes. Instead he quietly watched Heero.
Once inside, past the reporters and other persons, Heero opened his eyes when the car came to a stop. Uncurling, he emerged, then reached a hand down to help Quatre out.
As soon as he got the car parked, Duo was out of the driver's door and making a quick canvas of the area. His normally happy go lucky features, set in an expression of intense concentration, as eagle sharp violet eyes speared the shadows of the carpark for any lurking intruders. Certain they were alone, he moved quickly to Heero's back.
Exhausted as he was, Quatre moved quickly as well. Taking Heero's hand and the assistance in getting out of the car smoothly. Closing the door carefully, he steadied his knees and looked towards the stairwell door.
"In the way we left?"
Heero nodded. The he removed his shirt and handed it to Quatre. "Put this on. In case."
Quatre looked at him a little puzzled. "In case... oh." He blushed a little and wriggled into the warm shirt, shivering a little as it soothed his chilly skin. He really was not buff enough to be running around bare chested. He needed to leave that to Trowa and Wufei.
And Heero, Quatre acknowledged with a little grin at himself. Duo seemed to catch the little blonde's thoughts. He reached over Heero's shoulder and gently cuffed Quatre on the back of the head.
"You're worse then I am. Now move."
Through some miracle, they made it back without incident. Heero saw Quatre safely in the shower and made his way with Duo to their room close by. He issued a report to WEI security, telling them nothing but making it a very *official* nothing. Then he looked up something on the computer and nodded to himself.
He put in a call to another room, talked for a while and hung up.
That evening at a reception, reporters cornered Relena Peacecraft and showered her, not only with questions about the break-in but also about the mysterious absence of Quatre Raberba Winner from all his planned activities for the day.
The Vice Minister answered the questions with the proper amount of information they had decided to release and then she added the following statement.
"Mr. Winner's absence was an unfortunate coincidence, due to an oversight on the part of his incredible but somewhat overworked staff," she explained calmly. "There should not have been any appointments scheduled for him on this particular day since it was a day of personal significance."
The reporters would not let it go at that, of course, demanding or wondering how Mr. Winner could take a day off at such a crucial time - what could possibly be an important enough reason.
Relena Peacecraft frowned at the questions in a disapproving way that she had mastered to perfection - it was guaranteed to make the most hardened criminal feel remorse.
"I'm surprised you'd ask such a question but if you must know, it's easy enough to look it up. This is the anniversary of his father's death."
End Part 14
Laekin
Please send comments to: seregill@aol.com or bonnejeanne@yahoo.com