31-July-2000
Category: Adventure, Action, Friendship, DARK DARK ANGST
Rating: R (Violence and adult situations. )
Disclaimer: Not mine, just playing with them not seeking to make any sort
of money. ((Except for Shelby and Penny.. they're mine. :> ))
Pairings: Those established in my timeline (Companions of Fate) this is
just Duo and Quatre out and about at the moment.
NOTES: As I've said before 4th Colony in L2 is NOT A NICE PLACE!! Lot's of emotional angst!
Duo sat quietly at the edge of the cot. He held his head in his hands, rubbing at his sore eyes. Goodness, but he hadn't cried that hard in a long, long time. His body ached from the physical exertion of weeping. He snorted at himself. He was fit Preventer operative, he could run for miles, climb, jump, take any number of physical punishments without whimpering and here he was, laid low by the simple act of tears.
Taking a breath he straightened and nearly jumped across the cot as his blurry eyes picked out a shadow peeling itself away from the doorjamb. His mind just had time to register, 'Quatre' as he leveled the muzzle of his gun on the other boy's chest.
"Cripes, Quatre, you wanna get shot also?!?" Duo snapped, more out of shame for what he'd just done then any anger at the other boy.
Quatre stopped his advance and looked at Duo warily for a moment. Duo winced inwardly as he took in the defensive stance Quatre had taken up. He searched desperately for something to say when Quatre saved him from himself by breaking the awkward silence.
"That's the first time you've called me Quatre since we left Earth."
Duo peered up at Quatre from behind disheveled wisps of hair. The little not-quite-blonde had made no move to come any closer. Duo looked at him with hurt puzzlement then realized he still held his gun trained on Quatre's chest. With a cry low in his throat, Duo threw the weapon across the room where it cracked against the dingy wall and clattered to the bare floor.
Quatre watched the path of the weapon for a moment, then took a couple steps towards Duo. Duo hung his head, staring down at his hands as they rested along his knees. He swallowed tightly a couple of times, chasing down the dry tears that threatened his already sore eyes. Duo nearly jumped out of his skin as he felt a slender hand close around his shoulder. Without looking up, he leaned over till his shoulders and head rested against Quatre's upper body.
Quatre stood stalwart and still, bracing his knees against the cot and swallowing the wince as Duo pressed against sore ribs. He let his hand slide across the American boy's back, rubbing along his shoulders in a soothing pattern. Silence filled the dark room but it was full of unspoken comforts.
"I've seen you looking at me." Duo's voice split the night air. "I could see in your eyes, the puzzlement. Why you." Quatre didn't say anything, he neither encouraged Duo's words, nor did he draw away from them. It was scant encouragement but Duo realized he deserved no more.
"I... it's selfish. The 4th.. it hurts people. It changes people. It changes me. Trowa and Wufei, I didn't know how the 4th would change them. I don't know if they could forgive the 4th or I... if we hurt them. Heero... Heero would forgive. You... you would forgive. " Duo stumbled over his words. "I'm so sorry Quatre... I couldn't bear to hurt Heero... I had to protect Heero."
Duo's words stumbled to a halt and he pressed his face into the small blonde's shirt front. Quatre stood there looking down at the mussed braid. A number of emotions tore through him. Anger, hurt, a feeling of betrayal. A part of him wanted to shake Duo and rail at him angrily. How could Duo have betrayed *his* trust? How dare Duo assume *his* forgiveness. All the emotions boiled up in Quatre and he felt them press against the back of his throat like a physical sickness.
Quatre closed his lips against the angry words. His tongue lashed madly behind his clenched teeth, the words burning in their eagerness to be spilled. He held it back... he breathed deeply and waited. With each deep breath, the knot of bile loosened. The tightness in his chest relaxed. He took deeper breaths, feeling the fine trembling in his body fade until he once again felt calm reason wash through him. Quatre reached into himself and actively touched that part of himself that he so often tried to shelter.
Duo's emotions crashed into him with a force that nearly drove his breath away. The near suicidal desperation caused Quatre to hold Duo more tightly against him. A hold that Duo immediately returned. The trust... the betrayal... it would not go away in a moment's breath. That would have to be rebuilt. But the forgiveness...
Quatre leaned back and reached under Duo's chin, lifting beautiful, haunted violet eyes up to meet his. "Yes. You hurt me." He whispered and his fingers tightened on Duo's chin when the other boy tried to look away. "But...I am honored that you found in our friendship, the strength to take this risk."
Quatre leaned down and pressed a kiss to Duo's forehead. As he drew back, Duo reached up and caught the side of his face. The American ran gently fingers across the cuts and bruises his own hands had inflicted on Quatre's delicate features.
"It wasn't *you*... " He whispered, looking up into Quatre's eyes desperately.
"I know." Quatre answered gently. "It was who I stand for... the rich, the comfortable..."
Duo shook his head quickly placing his fingers across Quatre's lips to silence him. "No... not entirely. It was myself."
Quatre blinked and drew back a little, shock brightening his turquoise eyes. Duo lowered his hands till just one arm looped loosely around Quatre's legs. He looked down into the shadows playing across the floorboards.
"Something...Something Heero said to me a little while ago has been eating at me. More then I guess I realized. What right do I have to be staying at your house... in your world, just lazing away my days in front of the television in between checking out false leads for Sally and Zechs?" Duo looked back up at Quatre, his violet eyes fierce and penetrating. "Was that what we were trained for? Is that what the colonies meant for us when they made *their* sacrifice? When they put their trust in us? You've seen the conditions here Quatre... do you realize what it cost L2 to build my Deathsycthe? To buy the gundanium... the fuel? Now... now the war is over and in my... my self appointed stand for peace I blew up all their hard work and then walked into the lap of luxury, telling myself that I had earned it. Leaving them, without a thought to continue to struggle for their very survival."
Quatre winced at the self loathing he heard in Duo's voice. He looked up at the cracked crown molding that sporadically ringed the room. If he were honest with himself, Quatre thought, he'd admit that he'd never thought of it that way. That he'd been selfishly trying to cling to the illusion that made his little world more comfortable, without really taking into account what it meant to the others. Even the kindest of intentions could go sorely amiss when you blurred the line between your needs and the needs of those you loved.
Duo was acutely aware of the weight of the silence. He could almost feel the thoughts careening through Quatre's mind and he sighed gently. Sorry that he had unloaded this on the little Arabian but at the same time, committed to his words and liberated for having spoken them.
Quatre did not seem inclined to break the silence that had fallen between them and Duo soon grew uncomfortable in it. Shifting to sit up on his own, Duo rubbed his face with his palms and huffed softly. The huff drew the little blonde's attention and he looked down at the American. The artificial moonlight made Quatre's face ghostly pale, brought alive only by the livid bruises on his cheeks, temple and lips.
"Wufei and Trowa are gonna kick my ass."
End Part 9
Laekin
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