Shades of Grey by Laekin and bonnejeanne

Part Sixteen-A

Quatre was on the horns of a dilemma and he really wasn't sure how best to handle it. He sat in his study, digesting the wonderful dinner Sally had sent over and pondered the situation. He would have to go to someone's bed tonight.

Trowa or Wufei's.

There were issues involved in either choice and he sat in his study pondering the best move he could make for all of them. His nimble mind wrestled with the initial question of 'Where will *I* go' when suddenly, he realized that was the wrong question. Smiling wolfishly, Quatre turned the question around.

~'No.. not where will *I* go... but where will *they* go.'~

Chortling in a Machiavellian manner, Quatre bounced out of chair and moved towards the study door. He was a perceptive little blonde and certain subtle touches shared between Trowa and Wufei had not escaped him.

Breezing into the common room where Duo was staving off Heero's attempt to drag him off he chimed brightly to the four gathered boys.

"I almost completely forgot! I just have to go to the opera at the Met tonight Trowa. It's the Chairman's Special and she'll throttle me if I don't put in an appearance!"

Not giving anyone time to ask any questions, Quatre ducked out of the room and darted up the stairs to change.

Duo stood there blinking, which gave Heero the moment he needed to grab the braided boy and drag him out of the room, muttering something about unfinished business and dessert. Trowa blinked and looked at Wufei, who looked up from his book for a moment and lifted a dark brow. Trowa sighed softly and picked up the remote.

It really was impressive just how fast the little blonde could shower and change.

Trowa's eyes lit up in silent appreciation as Quatre came back into the room, dressed in formal white tie. Trowa enjoyed the way his lover looked in fitted tails. It might be true that Quatre could barely stand to sit in the pants but he did look down right fine.

Tugging on his white gloves the little blonde beamed at them both. "I don't know how late I'll be, the concert starts at 9:00 and should go for two hours but I should make an appearance at the reception afterwards."

Wufei looked up and saw Quatre dressed to go out. He frowned at first, then shrugged, immediately regretting it. If Quatre was going to some entertainment function it couldn't exactly be called work. He decided not to make an issue of it. Instead he nodded to Quatre and reopened the book he was reading.

Quatre wound his way to the couch, bending down to kiss Trowa and then ducking past the book to kiss Wufei. "Don't anybody wait up or anything." He sang out sweetly as he grabbed his heavy formal coat and traipsed out the door, trotted down to the waiting limo which had pulled up outside.

Wufei watched him go and glanced at Trowa. "You aren't going, I take it."

Trowa shook his head. "I know these people. I'd rather be tied outside a Gundam and shot into space." The tall pilot remarked in his calm soothing tones. Stretching his long legs out in front of him he leaned back in the chair, eyes closing slightly. His hands folded across his trim stomach.

Wufei sighed. "Will he enjoy himself?" he asked aloud. "Or should I have insisted..."

Trowa chuckled, the sound rich and soft, so rarely heard, even in these times of peace. The sound was like velvet across the skin. "Oh he'll enjoy himself. It's music, he'll tune out all the inane chatter, dodge a few well meaning match making matrons and charm a whole new crop of innocent young misses."

Wufei simply shuddered. He opened his book and turned a page, then another. He wasn't reading though. His eyes wandered and his mind was dancing from one thing to another. His thoughts centering on the quiet words he and Quatre had spoken together after making love that morning...

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Wufei had been resting much of his weight on his shoulders to keep it off of Quatre and he felt something give a little. Groaning softly, he shifted, edging on to his side next to the blonde.

"I'd have to be in less than perfect health for this," he muttered, frustrated by his limitations.

Quatre had been in the middle of enjoying the way the hair fell like a dark waterfall around Wufei's face when the other boy groaned and slide down beside him. Concern exploded through those turquoise eyes and he shifted quickly, giving Wufei more room on the couch even as he reached to gently check the bandages, making certain nothing had reopened.

"I do suppose that the doctors would frown on making love in general, let alone the acrobatics of doing so on a couch." He fussed tenderly. "You should have relaxed, I'm not breakable." Baring the time Duo bounced him into the basketball post.

Wufei looked over. "Doctors," he said succinctly, then added a few choice comments in Mandarin, having to do with the qualities of doctors, their families and so on in less than polite terms. "It's inconceivable that I would miss such an opportunity," he finished, touching Quatre's cheek.

There it was! The tell tale blush and a little duck of his head, mostly nuzzling into the touch on his cheek. "You'll have to excuse me for sounding selfish, but I'm rather glad that you did take the opportunity."

Wufei sighed. That, of course was the miracle, as far as he was concerned."So many things I still don't understand," he admitted softly. "But see what you have managed to do? Erode years of work and training..." he smiled slightly, to keep it from being interpreted as a criticism.

Quatre did in fact peek up to make sure that Wufei's smile was still there. Then he gave a little shrug and making a final check that there was no blood anywhere on the bandages, snuggled himself up against Wufei's side. "Not so much erode... you're still who you are Wufei. I just burrowed under the walls while you were busy defending the upper ramparts." He grinned and ran a finger lightly along Wufei's hip, enjoying the play of muscles in the other boy's body.

Wufei relaxed, resting his chin on Quatre's blond head. "Yes, you did," Wufei agreed, shifting slightly under the touch. "Now you are inside... what may happen next... I can't guess. Trowa... I don't understand. I don't even understand Duo, as far as it goes. Had it been me in his place, I'd never have stopped," he said, his eyes focusing inwardly for a moment."

Quatre continued to trace well formed muscles in a touch more soothing then sexual. "Duo... Well.. first I would put this to you Wufei. All of us think we know how we would respond in a situation and we're trained to act and react without thinking in some situations.. but until you are faced with that situation you never truly know how you will respond. I remember one of the Maganacs, he was a fierce fighter in the training sims and for the first few missions we flew he was... he put Rasid to shame... in fact I often thought he should pilot Sandrock. Then, his wife had a baby, their first child. Oh it was wonderful, the party went on for a day and a half. Two weeks later we went out to battle and this guy.. froze. Locked up completely, he couldn't engage the enemy. We got him out of the fight and back to base. It turned out that all he could think about was what would happen to his wife and baby if he died and he couldn't do it. Duo... explodes without thinking, but he burns fast and hard, then... it's gone. He's got so much going on with him that he can't afford to brood." Quatre took a breath and nestled up beneath Wufei's chin.

"We all approach things from different viewpoints Wufei. Sometimes, if you can not understand, it's enough just to accept and rejoice in the differences that make us unique."

Wufei snorted softly, brushing his fingers through Quatre's hair. "I'm not... especially good at rejoicing in differences," he said. "The roles, and rules in my culture may seem irrelevant to all of you, but they are not the result of simple thinking. They've evolved over centuries... millennium. Stringent, yet purposeful. I fought it myself when I was younger. I didn't want to be restricted. But in the end, those restrictions were all I had to cling to when everything began to be destroyed. Now I am seeing the necessity for moving forward from them... but the uncharted territory is... frightening," he admitted softly, his face troubled.

Quatre wriggled an arm under Wufei's body so he could wrap both arms around his friend, holding him close for a long moment. "Wufei, perhaps we don't fully understand the restrictions. Though I believe Heero does to an extent. Duo and I are probably the worst at being confused, both of us coming from cultures that are a lot more.. demonstrative and boisterous. You should never feel that you need to put aside your past in order to embrace your future. Yes, life is moving forward and I'll admit it's frightening as hell sometimes perhaps that is why I cling so tightly to all of you, more tightly then I should at times..." Quatre admitted withdrawing his one arm, knowing it couldn't be comfortable for Wufei's ribs but keeping the other wrapped around his friend.

"I'll expect you to remember those words the next time you are tempted to escape from your friends you 'cling to' by immersing yourself in work," Wufei said dryly.

Quatre chuckled very softly and peeked up a little from his comfort spot. "You have traditions, rules and disciplines... I have my work."

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Trowa remained stretched out in the chair. Though it looked like his eyes are closed they are actually parted just slightly, studying Wufei. Trowa knew. Was very aware that Quatre had taken the steps that he himself had... encouraged wasn't the word really... rather.. reminded Quatre he was free to do. Trowa felt no jealousy, only a sense of curiosity. Still.. he couldn't quite bring himself to bring the subject up. Instead he watched Wufei, as if a neon sign might pop above the other boy's head giving all the answers.

Wufei finally closed the book. He turned at looked at Trowa. "How can you do it?" he said into the quiet.

Trowa didn't even try to feign not understanding the question. His eyes opened a little more, till their bright emerald depths could be seen just behind dark lashes. He tilted his head to the side, looking thoughtful for a long moment. "I... it's hard to explain Wufei. It's complicated. I don't own him, I don't want to possess him. It's enough that I love him and that he's in love with me. And... it's... well your not some stranger." Trowa paused, waiting to see how his words were being received.

Wufei sighed. "I hear the words but they make little sense to me. Possession is... inherent in the act, isn't it?"

Trowa ducked his head a little, automatically hiding behind his long bangs. "I... I don't have an answer for that Wufei. I... may perform the physical act of *taking* him but he possess me. That's one of the... that's where I think you can give him something that *I* can't."

Wufei gazed at Trowa for a moment. "I... I want to make something of this," he gestured vaguely. "What we have all been through. But I don't know what shape to build it in. You are always in my mind..."

"I... I didn't expect it to be a one off thing Wufei. I don't want it to be. I want us to go forward, not back." The words were spoken in a near whisper from the tall boy but the intensity in his eyes made them seem large and dark behind his auburn bangs.

"Where do we go?" Wufei said, but it wasn't like he was asking Trowa... just a question in the air.

Trowa shifted in the chair.. a motion both forward and yet..not. Sort of sideways.. as if he was not sure how to proceed.. only knew he... wanted something. The *feeling* that this was where he was used to a certain small blonde, gently taking the reins and guiding him was thick in the air.

Wufei noticed the movement, looking with more focus at Trowa. He looked for a long moment. Then his eyes widened. He placed his book down and got up, walking across the room, then knelt beside Trowa's chair.

"Ne?" he said softly, his dark eyes wide.

Trowa looked over at the kneeling boy. One of his lean fingered hands lifted, reaching almost tentatively but it dropped just shy of the mark. He did lift his head so that he could meet Wufei's dark eyes with his own. Usually his expressions were always guarded but at the moment, though his features were still shuttered, his eyes were slowly opening to give access to his thoughts. This was the silent path that Quatre walked when reading Trowa.

Now, Trowa opened it for Wufei.

Wufei gazed into the green pools. Green was not like looking into wide open aqua. Wufei was gazing into dark eyes every bit as deep and shadowed as his own.

Trowa was so used to those open turquoise eyes that he could fall into, knowing that Quatre would catch and hold him safe. This was something.. new and different. Yet, his time with the small blonde had not been without benefit. Though uncertainty and a high level of shyness still held sway over him, he was trusting enough to step forward into Wufei's shadows.

Embracing them.

His hand finished it's journey up, brushing along Wufei's high cheekbones with a feather light touch, an almost wondering caress. Wufei allowed the touch, wondering at it. He felt he could not possibly be seeing what he thought, or sensing it. However, his instincts were speaking clearly to him.

Softly, he said, "Perhaps you were not speaking only of Quatre today...?"

Trowa swallowed, his hand retreating, though reluctantly. He ducked his head a little. "Ah...perhaps we both... could..." He stopped and took a long deep breath, shoring up his courage before whispering. "No... I was not speaking only of Quatre this morning."

Wufei tilted his head. He could no more have hidden his astonishment than he could have changed his dark eyes to blue. "Why are you afraid?" he asked, his voice so calm and inflectionless it could not possible frighten.

Trowa shook his head whispering. "I don't know Wufei. I... can't remember. It always amazes me that Quatre...wants me. Everybody tells me I'm desirable. Catherine always used to tease me about it but I just never "feel" it. I sometimes.. think it's so unfair to Quatre that he's practically got to urge me the entire way, lead me through all the steps. It's like he does all the work.. and it's so easy to let him... so easy to make him take control and he does, without recrimination but afterwards I feel so.. bad for making him."

Wufei listened calmly, his expression never changing. He reached out quite naturally and took Trowa's hand, not clutching it, just holding, almost as if it were an afterthought. "What is desirable... is not always what one expects," he said quietly. "Sometimes it is something that can't be seen... can't even be touched. You *are* beautiful... but God did that. Does it make you desirable? Only... only if there is something else as well. You may find this insulting, Trowa. I believe what it is, for you, is something... something which endures through all. Why should they inspire devotion? Because we all see our own fragile edges so clearly. We know they can be destroyed. I look at you and I see something that endures - there's a purity in that you could probably never see yourself."

Like he did early that day, Trowa turned his fingers in Wufei's hand so he could close his hand around the other boy's. Looking at their joined fingers for a long moment, then back up to Wufei's eyes. Speaking softly. "Thank you... thank you for looking." He threaded his fingers through Wufei's drawing the Chinese boy's hand up to his face. A hesitant gesture, before he turned his mouth and presses a warm kiss to the back of Wufei's hand.

Wufei closed his eyes for a moment, feeling Trowa's lips on his skin. "It costs me nothing to look," he said in a low voice. Then his eyes opened and there were flames in there depths. "I wonder what are the prices are for anything more?"

End Part 16A

Laekin and bonnejeanne

Please send comments to: seregill@aol.com or bonnejeanne@yahoo.com

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