11-Aug-2002
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or any of its characters, they are the property of Bandai, Sunrise and Sotsu Agency. Do you suppose they sit at their desks and play with the action figures?
Title: Purple Lemons
Author: KwyckSylver kwycksylver@yahoo.com
Genre: Cheesy Humor - as in Limburger.
Rating: PG
Pairing: 1 + 2 Despite the title, there are no lemons here, whether they be purple or yellow. Purple refers to the prose of the novel, the excerpts being the opening of the story.
Spoilers: None. This is one of those fics that has absolutely no redeeming value, has nothing to do with the anime, except the usage of the characters and does nothing to promote good writing within the fandom.
* . . .* Denotes excerpts from a fictional book.
*Light paints a line on the wall and old hinges creak faintly as the figure slips into the dark room. Bare feet quietly tiptoe their way over plush carpet towards the bed. The sleeper tenses, feeling another body slide between the covers to lay next to him. Warm breath caresses Whip's slumber relaxed face. His eyes flutter open at the realization of no longer being alone. A moan is muffled to a growl when Rod tenderly covers his lips in a kiss.
Air fills lungs in quick gasps while gentle fingers glide over skin, leaving tingling trails of goosebumps in their wake. Once again lips touch lips and two hearts feel the pangs of hunger. It's the kind of hunger that is never sated, never full. The heart stays forever hungry since love always flows back into the one that filled it.
Bodies shift and their hands grope as the two lovers begin the ritual of becoming one.*
"This has got to be the cheesiest book I've ever read," Duo said as he tossed it down on the bed.
"Ow, damn" Heero yelped from the bathroom, his face full of shave cream.
"What's wrong?"
Heero raised his eyes to the mirror, startled to find Duo's reflection staring back at him. It had been six years since the Eve Wars and Duo still hadn't lost his touch. He was still the quietest and most dangerous man Heero had ever known. Next to himself, of course.
"Nicked myself, dull blade," Heero sighed as he wiped the remnants of foam from his face, "and I've got a meeting with the R & D guys this morning."
Duo grinned and licked the dot of blood from the small cut on the side of Heero's chin, "I'll pick up some up on my way home. Don't want you marring that pretty face, after all."
Heero snorted as he glanced down at the book Duo was holding, then blanched. The artwork was typical of most romance novels. One figure wore long, flowing, windswept hair. The other's was shorter but tousled. Their faces were too beautiful to be real and their clothing revealed more than it covered. The only difference was these figures were both male. Emblazoned over the images was the title 'Hunger'. The author's name was Lily DuRose.
"Where'd you find that?" Heero asked as he walked to the closet. He took out a pair of khaki colored slacks and a light blue shirt and began getting dressed.
Duo shrugged as he sat on the bed and leafed through the pages, "Hilde shoved it at me, insisted I read it. And you know, as bad as it was I just couldn't put it down. Would you believe it's a current best seller?" Duo grinned, "The plot was stupid but the sex was great. Rod and Whip kind of reminded me of us."
Heero cleared his throat in what sounded almost like a choking noise, "They did?"
"Yeah, its almost as if the author knows what goes on in our bedroom," Duo chuckled, "as if she got her hands on our . . ."
"I'll go fix breakfast and you need to get dressed yourself," Heero interrupted.
"I thought you finished it," Heero commented when Duo sat down at the table, book in hand.
"I have to return it to Hilde, someone else wants to borrow it now," Duo said, "where's the salt and pepper?"
"Stove," Heero answered through a mouthful of cereal.
"Hilde says this book is all the rage right now. Her words, not mine," Duo said, retrieving the shakers. He sprinkled salt and pepper over slices of cantaloupe and dug in. "She says this Lily DuRose is the hottest new author around."
Heero almost choked on his orange juice. "I'm all right," he waved Duo to sit back down in his chair, "I swallowed a pit. I take it you don't agree with her?" he coughed.
"Oh it was ok. The plot was just too, oh I don't know, unrealistic," Duo answered after thinking a minute, "it's about two men who are soldiers during a war. At first they don't get along, they're not even sure if they're on the same side."
"And?" Heero asked.
"And what?" Duo returned, taking another bite of cantaloupe.
"Why is that unrealistic?" Heero prodded, "eat your cereal before it gets soggy."
"Because they're both trying to blow up the same army base, is why," Duo said, "I think that might be a tip off, you know."
"We didn't know we were on the same side at first," Heero pointed out as he speared a piece of Duo's melon off his plate.
"True, but that's only because the docs couldn't communicate with each other. Heck none of them knew if the others were even still alive." Duo said, "But the other thing that's so unrealistic is how fast they get in each other's pants once they find out they are."
Heero started coughing again, "Pepper," he croaked after he downed the rest of his orange juice, "too much pepper on the cantaloupe."
Duo cocked an eyebrow as he got up and poured Heero a glass of water, "You usually put twice as much as I do."
"Maybe I'm getting a sore throat," Heero said.
"Could be," Duo agreed, "or it could be you're disappointed because you don't think I like your book, Lily."
Heero choked again, this time on his water, "How'd you know?"
"I'm a Preventer," Duo said with a large amount of smugness.
"You found the box full of books, didn't you?" Heero said with suspicion.
"Yeah, that too," Duo laughed, "as well as the letter from your publisher. Second book, huh? And both best sellers."
"I'm surprised I kept it a secret from you this long," Heero admitted, "so you were kidding about it being cheesy?"
"Yeah. I was," Duo said, getting off his chair to straddle Heero's lap, "except for a couple of things."
"Hmmmmm?" Heero moaned his question. It was hard to ask since he was getting the life kissed out of him.
"Rod and Whip?" Duo laughed after catching his breath.
End
Aug. 10, 2002
KwyckSylver
Please send comments to: kwycksylver@yahoo.com