27-Oct-2002
Pardon the crossposting. This is a fic I've written for Sharona's Moments of Rapture contest. It's based on a picture from a dj 'Dearest Love' by Poison. You can view the picture at http://zerotwofan.com/rapture/contest2/02f-contest2.jpg
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or any of its characters, nor do I make a profit off them. They are the property of Sunrise, Sotsu Agency and Bandai.
Title: Phoenix
Author: KwyckSylver
Rating: PG
Pairing: 1+2 romance
Spoilers: The ending of the Endless Waltz OVA is mentioned.
My heart feels caught in my throat, my breath is rapid and shallow. I can only stare at what I hold in my hands, too scared of what I might find inside.
"If you can't open it then let me," Hilde tugs at the envelope. My trembling fingers brush hers aside as I shake my head.
"Duo, you're not going to know what it is unless you open it," she prods my arm gently.
"I know that," I snap and I regret it, "I'm sorry."
"It's ok," she forgives as she slides off the corner of my desk, "I've got to go verify a few shipments, anyway." She pauses at the door and gives me a sympathetic smile, "Open it, Duo. I've watched you mope for three years now. Whatever is in there, good news or bad, at least it's closure."
"I know, I know," I agree, grudgingly. I hate it when she's right.
But maybe I don't want closure. Ignorance is bliss, they say and maybe I'm not ready to give up hope for what might be a harsh reality. It's the only thing that's kept me going this long.
I fidget with the corners, staring at the familiar handwriting that spells out my name. I look at the blank space where a return address should be, then at the postmark. Well, at least I can narrow his location down to one whole planet.
I leave the envelope on the table while I grab my cup. I pour some coffee and in mid reach for the cream and sugar I change my mind. Instead, I open the cabinet and pull out a bottle of something stronger. It was a Christmas present from a business acquaintance. It's remained unopened until I break the seal, adding a generous amount to the strong brew.
I down my cup of liquid fortitude then pour another one, straight from the bottle this time. It feels like it's burning a hole in my stomach and it's doing nothing to calm my nerves.
I sit back down and stare at the envelope some more. "Oh hell," I grumble, disgusted with myself. I take a deep breath and tear it open. I look inside for a note, a letter, or some kind of explanation, then slam the envelope down on the table and curse. I can't believe it, the damned thing's empty. I'm going to hunt down and kill the asshole that thought this was funny.
I crumple the envelope into a ball and toss it in the wastebasket. That's when I notice something laying next to my chair. I lean over and pick it up. My pulse quickens and I break into a sweat. I can't tell if it's from the alcohol or the ticket to Earth I'm looking at. I shake my head as I shed tears through my laughter. Leave it to Heero to say more through an action than with a thousand words.
The butterflies start fluttering in my stomach the moment I arrive at the space port and never settle during the whole flight. I have no appetite and not even the droning of the various conversations around me can lull me to sleep. I'm aware of each tick of my watch counting the hours, one second at a time, until I land on Earth.
They worsen once I step off the shuttle in Brisbane, my destination. I look around, examining every face my eyes lay on, but no Heero. The butterflies become bricks and drop to the pit of my stomach.
I go retrieve my luggage and return to the gate where I disembarked. There is still no Heero, so I sit down to wait. He sent me the ticket, he has to show up, right?
"Paging Duo Maxwell. Paging Duo Maxwell," I jump at the sound of my name over the PA system, "Please report to the Lagrange Lines ticket counter."
I ask for directions and wind my way through the crowded concourse until I reach the counter, "I'm Duo Maxwell, you paged me."
"May I see some identification, please?" I pull my passport out of my jacket pocket and open it.
"This was left for you, sir," the ticket agent hands me an envelope with a perky smile, "And welcome to Earth."
"Thank you," I respond by flashing her one of my own.
'There's a taxi waiting for you at the entrance.' The instructions are on a small slip of paper tucked inside the envelope, along with another ticket. 'It will take you to the railway station where you will board the two o'clock train to Townsville. And don't pay the driver, your fare has already been taken care of, including the tip.'
I look at my watch and realize I'm still on L2 time, "What time is it and how far is the train station from here?" I ask. The ticket agent points to the clock on the wall and tells me it's about a half hour's drive from the space port. I reset my watch to 1:12 then grab my bags and take a few steps then stop. I don't know how to get to the entrance.
After getting turned around a few times, I find it and walk outside, my heart sinks to my stomach. There's about a hundred taxis lined up. Great. So how do I figure out which one is waiting for me?
God, I'm so nervous I can't think straight. Of course it's the one with the driver holding the 'Duo Maxwell' sign.
"We need to hurry," he tells me, "I forfeit a very generous tip if you don't make that train."
The hack license says the driver's name is Ledford but I have a feeling it's really Leadfoot. This ride is scarier than being surrounded by a whole division of mobile suits while you've got your pants down around your ankles taking a whiz. I'm being tossed and battered about the back of the cab while he flits in and out of traffic. I swear he's taking corners on two wheels. But he gets me there in one piece and with plenty of time to spare so I add my own generous tip to Heero's.
I'm sitting on a bed in one of the Pullman cars. I've got my own room complete with lavatory and shower. I can't eat when I'm nervous but I went to the dining car and forced some food down my throat. I couldn't even taste it and my stomach protested the whole time. Sodium bicarb is my new friend. I stretch out on the bed and dim the lights, I need to try and sleep. I may have called myself Death during the war, but I sure as hell don't want to look it when Heero meets the train.
I snuggle into the plump, downy pillow and try to let my mind drift so I can fall asleep. But my mind won't drift, it keeps thinking about the same thing it's thought about for the last three years. It's thinking about Heero and the day he disappeared. It was after the Eve War, during one of Relena's speeches. He just walked away. A couple of days later I found a note sitting on my desk. 'Don't give up on me,' it read and it was signed 'Heero'.
I looked for him, but Heero didn't want to be found. I kept feelers out and once in a while I'd hear a rumor. He was piloting a shuttle, or working in a cargo bay on L1. Someone thought they saw him bagging groceries in a store on L3. He was 'seen' working as an insurance salesman, or as a mechanic in an auto repair shop. I think the oddest one was he was working in a day care. But none of those rumors panned out. It had even crossed my mind that maybe he'd joined the Mars project, but there was no record of him there, either. It was as if the solar system had swallowed him up.
Maybe if I'd told him I loved him he would have stayed. Too bad I didn't realize it until after he was gone.
I guess I fell asleep because the next thing I know, the conductor is knocking on my door announcing we arrive at the Townsville station in an hour.
I shower, I shave and I get dressed. I don't have time to fret over what I'm going to wear so I grab the first shirt and pair of slacks my hands touch. I look in the mirror and turn on the water to dampen my fingers. I run them over the few stray strands of hair that have come loose from my braid, slicking them into place. I deem myself presentable and wait for the train to arrive at the station.
The butterflies are now dive bombing.
The train isn't even at a full stop yet and I'm already standing on the platform, scanning the few faces I see. I guess I shouldn't feel disappointed that one of them isn't Heero's, but I do. I sit for a while as other people come and go, thinking one of them is going to walk up to me with another envelope, but none of them do. I watch the porters load luggage onto the baggage cars and the conductors confer with the engineers, checking their watches and their time schedules. I look at my own watch, I've been sitting here for an hour.
I get up to stretch my legs and I walk inside and wander into the gift shop. Some postcards catch my eye and I look through them. I find a few I think Hilde would like so I buy them along with a newspaper. The cashier tells me the pictures on the postcards are from paintings by a local artist.
I enter the small grill and order coffee. I sit for a while and thumb through the newspaper, looking for anything of interest while I sit and wait, wondering if Heero changed his mind.
"My name is Duo Maxwell, are there any messages for me?" I go to the window and ask the ticket agent. Why didn't I think of this before?
The agent reaches sideways then slips an envelope through the slot in the window, "I was wondering if you'd showed up, young fella. I was getting ready to have one of the porters page you."
"Thanks," I go sit on a bench and tear it open. Once again my heart is in my throat and the butterflies are now doing somersaults.
'Go to the marina across the street from the rail station,' the note reads, 'There's a boat called The Grouper in slip 22. The captain's name is Renfro.'
I'm starting to feel like I'm on a scavenger hunt.
I dodge traffic to get to the marina and I find slip 22 and Renfro. The man is not very talkative, except to say Heero lives on an island called Phoenix that's about fifteen miles off the coastline. There's a small village devoted to tourists and game fishing as well as a few houses dotting the beach. One of them is Heero's.
I'm standing at his front door and I'm feeling queasy. I knock. There's no answer. I knock again. The door doesn't even crack. I try the knob and it turns, so I open the door and call out his name. I'm greeted with silence. I step inside and set my bag on the floor. I call out again. Still no response. Ok, so he's not inside the house.
I take the opportunity to look around. I scan the living room, it's not large but it's neat and well furnished. There's a fireplace along one wall and a picture of a beach is hanging over the mantle. The waves, sand and sky look so real, and so familiar. It's one of the postcard pictures. I reach up to touch it and my fingers jerk back as if bitten. It's not a print but an original painting and it's signed Phoenix.
I'm startled by a thump coming from another room, as if something were knocked onto the floor. Apparently I'm not alone after all. Is Heero hiding and I'm supposed to go seek? I grin at the idea, because Heero was never one for playing games. I poke my head around the corner and look down the hallway. It's empty so I tiptoe to the first door and peek inside, just in case.
It's a large yellow tomcat. He must have knocked a book off the chair he was lying on. He stretches and yawns then hops down onto the floor and sits in front of my feet. He looks up at me and his eyes narrow, as if he's sizing me up. He sniffs my legs a couple of times while I crouch down and scratch between his ears. He's decided I'm not an interloper and rubs against me before he ambles into the hall.
I pick up the book to lay it back on the chair. It's about the human anatomy, for artists. I start nosing around the room. Large windows line the outside walls and skylights dot the ceiling. Those seem to have been added recently, their design too new to be part of the original architecture. There are tubes of paint sitting on a shelf along with bottles of glazes, lacquers and whatever else an artist might need. A jar full of paint brushes sits on a small table next to a palette and some rags. I pick it up and sniff the liquid. The smell makes my nose wrinkle, it's paint thinner. There's a small stack of different sized canvases leaning against one wall. I flip through them but they're blank.
Maybe I didn't get Renfro's directions right. Either I'm in the wrong house or Heero is living with someone. My stomach sinks at the thought.
There's an easel with a canvas on it, but it's covered. A work in progress, I'm assuming. Ok, just call me nosy. I flip the cover up to see what it is. My heart skips a beat and I almost forget to breathe. It's a nude semi reposed on a bed of grey satin. The material has that same warm glow as a pearl. An arm lays across a hip, leg bent at the knee. A red rose dangles loosely between long slender fingers that obscure the groin. The other arm is reaching out as if beckoning to someone unseen. The eyes are half closed and lips are parted as if in anticipation of a kiss.
I don't need to see the braid to know the nude is me, and Heero is the artist.
"It's not finished yet," I jerk my hand away from the painting and turn around. Heero is standing inside the door that leads outside. I was so entranced by the painting I didn't hear him enter. My heart is one big lump in my throat and beating so fast I think I feel faint.
I can't help but stare, it's been so long since I've last seen him. He's changed. He's a little taller and filled out some. His dark brown hair has lightened, streaked by the sun and he's got a bit of a tan. The only things that haven't changed are his eyes. They haven't lost any of their intensity. I still feel as though they pierce through me when he looks at me, which he's doing now.
"I need to know if I belong in that picture," he raises his hand out to me then lowers it. I'm not sure if it was a gesture or if he was going to touch me.
For once in my life I'm speechless. I've waited three damned long years and now I don't know what to say. But I need to say something, anything. I move my mouth and nothing comes out but a croak.
"Let's take a walk," he says, "I guess I have some explaining to do."
We go down to the beach, which turns out to be his back yard. I stop to take off my shoes and socks and roll up my pants. It's been a long time since I've seen a beach. The wet sand and the lapping waves feel good against the soles of my feet.
"You know how hard a time I had adjusting after the first war," Heero said, "L1 didn't feel like home even though I'd spent most my life there. It's one reason why I'd spend so much time with you on L2, when I was around you I felt I belonged somewhere. It was worse after the Eve war. I was just getting used to the idea of not having to fight anymore when Relena was kidnapped. Once again I had to be the perfect soldier whether I wanted to or not."
"The day I left, Relena had invited me to hear her speech. 'For moral support' she said. What she really wanted, at Une's insistence, was to offer me a position as her driver and bodyguard. Pargan was retiring and Noin had left for Mars with Zechs, Milliardo, whatever it is he's calling himself now. I told Relena I'd think it over but as I was watching her give that speech, I realized that I'd be spending the rest of my life as the perfect soldier protecting Relena and her ideals. That was when I decided I had to get away, disappear. It was the only way I'd ever be free."
"I know," I say, "I thought I'd buried Shinigami for good but I had to resurrect him. It was harder burying him the second time."
"I think you're the only one who truly understood," Heero replies, "It's why I left you the note."
It's not the only reason, I'm thinking.
"It's almost time for the sun to set," he says, changing the conversation. He sits down on the sand. I take my place next to him.
"If we're lucky, we'll get to see one," he says. He lays an arm on my shoulder and rises to his knees.
"See what?" I ask.
He puts a finger to his lips then points at the sun, "Just watch."
I lean my head against Heero's chest as I gaze at the sun slowly sinking beneath the horizon. There's quick burst of green light before the sun disappears for the night. The green flash at sunset, I'd heard of it but had never seen one until now.
"Incredible and beautiful," it's the best I can manage to describe what I've just seen.
"Yes," Heero agrees. There's something in the way he says it that makes me look up at him. His eyes are not on the horizon, they're looking at me. The butterflies do a couple of back flips and a swan dive as he leans in and kisses me.
We spent the next few days getting to know one another again and Heero fills me in on what he's been doing since he was gone. It turns out some of those rumors were true. He'd bounced around the colonies for a while before he decided to try his luck on Earth and wandered his way to Phoenix Island. It was here he learned he loved the ocean and had a talent for painting.
He'd gotten a job working for Renfro on his boat, taking people out to the deep waters to fish. During the slow times, when the fish weren't biting, he'd doodle and sketch on a pad. One of the customers was a gallery owner and told him he had talent, he should try painting. He's now that gallery owner's most popular artist, going by the name of Phoenix.
I understand the symbolism of the name and why Heero chose this island. He really has risen from the ashes of his old life. Now the two of us are starting a new one here, together. I've contacted Hilde and I'm selling my half of the business.
Heero hands me a bag, "Put these on," he says, "Then meet me on the beach."
It's my old priest outfit from the first war. I shake my head and grin, I've always wondered where it disappeared to. It's a tight fit but I manage.
I meet him on the beach and I'm not surprised to find him wearing that old green and black get up of his. I think the spandex is stretched to its limits. He's got a small bonfire going and a thick feather bed spread out over the sand.
"Ready?" he asks.
I nod.
Piece by piece we strip, throwing each one into the fire as it's removed until we both stand naked before the world. We lie on the feather bed and watch the flames burn away our old lives, each bit of ash that drifts off with the breeze is one less burden, one less guilt to bear.
Shinigami and The Perfect Soldier, may they rest in peace.
Once every scrap of cloth has been consumed, Heero starts a new fire and we celebrate our rebirth by making love for the first time.
I sit and watch as Heero finishes the picture, he's found where he belongs. It's by my side and in my heart, where he's always been.
End
*Notes: The Phoenix Islands are real but their location is between 2,000 and 2,500 miles east/northeast of Australia and they are uninhabitable. The Coral Sea Islands are located in the basic area that I put Phoenix in but I think they're actually a little farther out to sea than the fifteen miles off coast that I placed them at. Since I see GW as an alternate universe from ours, I did a little creative geographical relocating. When I was searching for an island for Heero to live on, I found the Phoenix Islands and felt the name was perfect for the story.
There really is a Townsville in Australia and it is a tourism spot for swimming, fishing, exploring the Great Barrier Reef, etc. There is also a train that runs the route from Brisbane to Townsville and places north but I doubt there is a marina just across the street. (Again, a little creative relocating).
The green flash at sunset/sunrise is a real phenomenon. It's kind of rare as it depends on atmospheric conditions being right for us to be able to see it. If you'd like to see pictures of what a green flash looks like, go to http://mintaka.sdsu.edu/GF/pictures.html
KwyckSylver
Please send comments to: kwycksylver@yahoo.com
