13-May-2002
Disclaimer: Nope don't own them, never will unless my rich uncle gets out of the poorhouse.
Title: Duo The Matchmaker or How To Annoy The Winner Sisters
Sequel to A Slip Of The Tongue.
Author: KwyckSylver mailto:kwycksylver@yahoo.com
Rating: PG13 for mild expletives
Pairings: 1+2, 3+4
Spoilers: None although it does take place in the GW universe.
Warnings: None. This is a humor piece so I hope you find it funny.
Heero sat up and yawned loudly as he stretched. He looked over at the figure lying next to him and his body began to tingle. After Duo's return, they had spent the entire day in Heero's room getting to know each other better. They knew each other pretty well now.
Heero laid back down, watching Duo sleep as he picked up his braid and brushed the tufted end across his fingers. It felt soft and feathery and he thought it was the perfect way to wake Duo up.
He tickled the end of Duo's nose with it. He twitched. He tickled his nose again, Duo wrinkled his nose, fanning his hand in front of his face as if he was batting a fly. Heero tried again and Duo rubbed his nose with the back of his hand then sneezed. It wasn't the hair, it was the sneeze that woke him up.
Duo's eyes slowly opened and focused on the face hovering over him, "good morning," he said dreamily, his voice still full of sleep. Five seconds later he was snoring.
Whomp! Heero picked up his pillow and hit Duo with it, his grin was as wide as the Cheshire cat's.
"What the hell?" Duo bounced out of the bed, suddenly wide awake. He looked at the offending pillow then the big smirk on Heero's face. His eyes narrowed and his lips widened into an evil smile.
"Two can play that game you know," he warned before he pounced.
The pillow fight led to other things and before they knew it, it was late afternoon.
"Hey Wu-man," Duo greeted as he walked into the kitchen, then paused, "when did you get back?"
"A little while ago," Quatre said. He was pouring hot water for tea into a small pot while pulling on the tight collar of the turtleneck sweater he was wearing. It felt uncomfortable but Trowa had insisted he wear it.
"Everything ok?" Duo asked hopefully.
"Yes," Quatre beamed, "thank you Duo. Trowa and I owe you."
"And just where is Mr. Love Struck?" Duo said, looking around.
"Taking a nap," Quatre grinned, "the drive kind of wore him out."
"Oh yeah," Duo winked, "I bet it did," he opened the refrigerator and poured himself a glass of milk, "but I'm glad to hear everything's worked out. You don't owe me a thing. I was glad to help and I had fun doing it."
"If you ever need anything just ask and its yours," Quatre responded, "although I should warn you, my sisters have standing orders to shoot to kill if you show your face there again."
Duo choked on his milk, splattering it down his shirt, "What! They know I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, right?"
"My sisters don't care," Quatre said in all seriousness, " they want you skinned and your hide hanging over the mantle."
"Who wants whose hide hanging over their mantle?" Heero asked as he walked into the kitchen. He'd only caught part of the conversation.
"It seems my idea worked too well," Duo said as he dabbed the spilled milk off his shirt.
"What idea?" Heero asked.
"The one he used to get my sisters to accept Trowa," Quatre laughed, "its quite a story."
Wufei motioned for Quatre and the others to join him at the table, "Sit down and tell us. We're not going anywhere and this sounds more entertaining than anything else I can think of to do."
"Anyone want tea before we start?" Quatre asked.
Heero and Wufei nodded so Duo got cups out of the cabinet while Quatre set the teapot on the table.
"When Trowa and I left the other night," Duo started, "we didn't have a real plan yet. As we were trying to come up with a good idea, we passed a bunch of bikers and this light bulb went off in my head."
"Duo decided the best way to get my sisters to like Trowa was to give them someone to compare him to, someone they would hate." Quatre explained.
"Yeah, so I called Quatre and explained my idea and he loved it. He also let Rashid in on what we were going to do," Duo added.
"What was the idea?" Heero asked again.
"You know the image bikers have? Rude, crude and lewd?" Duo asked and everyone nodded, "I figured if Quatre brought someone like that home but was even worse, his sisters would promise him anything if he'd send him packing."
"What's going on?" Trowa said as he entered the room wearing a pair of well worn flannel pajama bottoms that hung low on his hips. Quatre's eyes lit up at the sight of him.
"They're telling us what happened with Quatre's sisters," Wufei said.
"Ahh," Trowa hummed, absently rubbing his hand up and down his chest, "is there any coffee?"
"You'll have to make some," Heero said, "Wufei told me Duo was helping you out, I thought the three of you were going to have a talk with them."
Quatre shook his head, "talking to my sisters doesn't do any good. They're a very stubborn lot. You have to show them when they are wrong."
"Quatre told us to go to the motorcycle shop that's in the town not far from their place. The owner is a friend of Rashid's and he talked him into letting us borrow a bike for few days," Trowa said
"Yeah, he said when Rashid told him Quatre was going to play a joke on his sisters, he begged Rashid to let him help. Apparently Quatre's sisters aren't too popular around there." Duo grinned., "he even helped me dress the part. Big clunky motorcycle boots, well worn, holey jeans with oil stains on them and a black leather vest. He said to wear it without a shirt for added effect."
"They rented a room at the hotel in town and called me," Quatre continued the story, "I told my sisters I had some things to do and had Rashid drive me into town. I met up with them at the hotel. We hung around, had dinner and talked about what Duo was going to do. Then Duo and I returned to the house on the motorcycle, Duo driving of course."
"You should have seen the looks on their faces when Quatre introduced me as his new friend, that I was going to be staying there for a couple of days and we were going to be sharing his room. I think a couple of them came close to having a stroke," Duo said.
"Especially when Duo gave me a big, sloppy kiss in front of them," Quatre remarked. He looked at Heero and cringed the moment he said it.
Heero stiffened, sitting straight up in his chair and gave Duo a hard look, "you did what?" he asked with a fake calm, it sounded jealous as hell.
"Cool you're jets, Heero. It was a fake kiss," Duo chuckled, "like in the movies."
The hairs on the back of his neck relaxed as he calmed down "I'm sorry, that was uncalled for," Heero apologized. He had surprised even himself by the amount of jealousy that had come over him. He didn't like the sour feeling it left in his stomach.
"That's all right Heero," Quatre said, "Trowa didn't take it too well either when we told him."
"No I didn't," Trowa said, "and I liked the news about the hickeys even less."
"Hickeys?" Heero stiffened up again.
Wufei let out a loud bark of laughter, "no wonder you're wearing Trowa's turtleneck," he said to Quatre, "come on let's see."
Heero and Trowa both glared at him, "oh grow up," he said defensively, "I've watched the two of you for months now. You," he pointed to Trowa, "let Quatre's sisters intimidate you and you," he pointed to Heero, "took forever to figure out what you want. So knock off this jealousy crap and let them continue . Frankly, I don't think either one of you deserve such loyalty and patience."
"Thanks Wufei," Duo said, "I couldn't have said it better myself. Go ahead Quatre, show them."
Quatre blushed as he reluctantly pulled down the neck of the sweater, revealing the clusters of small red marks he wore.
"We figured the hickeys would really piss his sisters off," Duo said sheepishly after looking at Quatre's neck, he didn't remember giving him *that* many.
"And its not like we enjoyed doing it," Quatre added, "I had to keep my eyes closed and I pretended Duo was Trowa. It was the only way I could do it. No offense Duo."
"None taken," Duo grinned, "I had to imagine you were Heero, so we're even."
"Call it jealousy, call it immaturity. Call it anything you like," Heero said, "but I don't want to hear anything more about sloppy kissing and hickeys. Just get on with the story and tell us what you did to alienate his sisters."
"Well he'd either pinch or slap them on the butt whenever he could get close enough," Quatre said, "and he'd flirt with them, in front of me. He'd even flirt with them when he had his hands all over me. Oh sorry Heero, I know you said you didn't want to hear that stuff but it was all part of Duo's plan. He wanted to make them think he might be a gold digger."
"I loved how they reacted to me unzipping my pants and burping at the dinner table," Duo laughed, "they were mortified."
"Or when you picked Iria's prized roses from the garden and handed them to her. 'Pretty flowers for a beautiful lady', you said. I almost died," Quatre giggled.
"How was I to know she had them entered in a garden show?" Duo turned red with embarrassment.
"Don't worry about it, she was being a pain in the butt over them anyway. I think my other sisters were kind of glad you did that," Quatre said, "but tracking the rug with mud from the front lawn, now that was a stroke of genius."
"Uh, that was an accident. I had no idea they had recently resodded and the grass was loose, just sitting on top of the dirt. I was just trying to annoy them with the noise from the motorcycle," Duo confessed.
"He ruined a valuable painting, its good thing it was insured."
"It looked like a dartboard, honest!" Duo apologized.
"Don't worry about it, no one really liked it anyway. One of our ancestors collected some really strange art," Quatre explained, "although wrecking the billiard room was a bit of a surprise."
"I had no idea those guys from town would accuse you of cheating and start a fight," Duo said, "otherwise I wouldn't have invited them."
"He emptied the liquor cabinet, including a four hundred year old bottle of Napoleon brandy," Quatre said.
"I poured most of the stuff down the sink but I did drink enough of it to make it look like I was drunk. Oh, and that brandy tasted awful," Duo replied.
"Well, it was just there for show, no one actually drinks a four hundred year old bottle of anything," Quatre pointed out, "I'm surprised you didn't get sick."
"I did, I guess they didn't tell you about the mess I left in one of the bathrooms," Duo admitted.
"No they didn't," Quatre said surprised, "you know that chair you broke?"
"All I did was sit in it," Duo said.
"It was a Chippendale, it wasn't supposed to be sat on," Quatre sighed.
"Then they should have had a sign that said 'don't sit here', Duo huffed, "You gotta admit, me coming downstairs in just my underwear was a good touch."
Quatre laughed, "Just as the Ladies Auxiliary arrived for their monthly meeting. Duo gave them quite an eyeful."
"How'd he do that?" Heero asked, wondering if he really wanted to know.
"They were bikinis, they had holes and he was scratching himself," Quatre chuckled, "although you did knock off that urn and broke it when you turned to run back upstairs."
"I'm sorry Quatre, I didn't mean to do that. It was an old burial urn from one of the pyramids, too."
"One of my ancestors was an archaeologist. He kept it as a souvenir from one of his digs," Quatre shrugged, "we still have the other five that go with it."
"I also want to apologize for flooding the back of the house. I honestly thought the reflection pool was a swimming pool," everyone looked at Duo for an explanation, they didn't understand what he meant. "
I clogged the filters and the pump with my hair," he explained.
"And killed the fish in it, as well," Quatre realized, "there were some very valuable species in there too."
"It sounds to me as if your big plan was more accidental than anything else," Heero smirked.
"My sisters are making me pay for all the damages," Quatre said, "out of my trust fund. You know, Duo. I think we should have just talked to them after all."
"Yeah, things didn't work out the way I thought they would. I was trying to be slimy and obnoxious, not destructive," Duo said, "but at least now they like Trowa."
"Uhhh, not really," Quatre said softly, "after they threw you off the estate, I called Trowa. Things were going well until we had an unfortunate incident."
"What happened?" Duo asked.
"I can't tell you," Quatre blushed, "its too embarrassing. Needless to say, I've been banned from my own home, that is until my sisters recover. Which should be in about a hundred years or so."
Heero, Wufei and Duo looked at Trowa for answers. His face was as red as his lover's. He didn't say a word, instead he quietly slinked out of the kitchen with Quatre following behind.
Owari
KwyckSylver
Please send comments to: kwycksylver@yahoo.com