18-Mar-2001
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and its characters are not owned by me and never will be. Ok, that just depressed the hell out of me. But on with the rest of the disclaimer.
Rating: R
Warnings: The sexual innuendos abound.
Pairings: Now that's a surprise.
This is in response to Joyce's worst fic challenge.
The communications officer could not believe his eyes. Here it was, the new ship everyone had been talking about. Or had been snickering about. The scuttlebutt had been true, the damned thing did look like a dildo, almost identical to the kind advertised in his men's magazines.
Aside from its appearance, something else was not right about it . . .
"This is Capt. Sally Po, commander of the experimental craft ES 5XS requesting you initiate emergency docking procedures immediately. Our ETA is 15 minutes and we are coming in hard and fast."
"Understood ES 5XS, we are engaging emergency procedures as we speak. Can you still pilot that thing?"
"Just barely, the steering is stiff, we went through an ion storm and lost all control. I'm on manual override now. Our visuals are out as well. We are flying blind so we'll need someone to talk us in."
"You are in luck, Captain Po. Commander Chang is here, we've apprised him of the situation and he kindly offered his assistance."
//Oh, just what I need, HIM of all people . . .//
"Hello Sally," Commander Wufei Chang had taken the Com, "Still don't know how to handle a joystick, I see," he drawled.
"Funny, I don't remember ever hearing you complain when I 'handled' yours," she shot back.
"Touché . . . and I apologize. Let's cut the hostilities and get you docked," he grinned.
"Ok, 'Flash'," she teased.
"Onna."
"Ok, we're even."
"Agreed, now shut up and let's get started."
"Start slow, with small thrusts," Wufei coaxed, 'then ease it in.
"Roger. I'm firing the thrusters and easing back on the throttle.
"Good, now make a 90 degree turn upward and head for the opening of docking bay 69."
"Changing position now."
"Excellent. Now as a precaution, the opening has been fitted with a protective sheath, which will envelop your ship to prevent any static discharge. Our gauges read a high level of ionized particles surrounding her. We are also filling the bay with foam, just in case there is a rupture or explosion."
"Should I play it safe and dump my fuel now?"
"No, we don't want any premature ejections, the sheath will take care of that."
"What if we breach the sheath?"
"The foam should take care of any expelled fluids. You have reached the opening, ease it in now and reverse your thrusts."
Captain Po began entry into the opening.
"Slow your thrusts! Damn it! It's so big, its going to be a tight fit, don't force it," he turned to one of the docking techs, "we're going to need to lube the sides and make them slick. That will make penetration smoother."
"Ooooooooo," Sally moaned, "Hurry Wufei, please. I can feel the heat building. I'm getting so hot."
"You're doing fine Sally, just keep thrusting, you've almost hit the spot, that's it slower, slower."
"Oooohhhh! We're coming, Wufei, we're coming!"
"Yes! Yes! That's it!" Wufei groaned with pleasure.
The ship came to a rest inside the docking bay. The sheath had held, they hadn't needed the foam after all.
"Wuuuuuuuuuuuu!" Sally gasped, "was it as good for you as it was for me?"
"Yeah," Wufei panted, "but why do I have this sudden urge for a cigarette?"
~ End ~
KwyckSylver
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