11-Mar-2001
Standard disclaimers apply. The lyrics and music to "Superman's Dead" is property of the unbelievably cool band Our Lady Peace. This fic contains angst, angst, angst (did I mention angst?), death, extreme amounts of profanity, and yaoi. The lyrics are speaking directly about Duo and only Duo, so don't be confused or try to read someone else into it. I really don't expect you to understand this fic, but it was a real release of what I was feeling at the time. This is from poor Heero's point of view. Why do I say "poor"? Well...
Bastard!
Fucking bastard!
You knew all along! You knew it, didn't you?
Do you worry that you're not liked?
Say something! Anything!
If I shake your shoulders any harder, I'm afraid your head will roll off your shoulders. So for God's sake, you bastard, answer me!
Don't just sit there!
How long 'til you break?
Just open your mouth! Speak the words! Tell me you knew! Tell me, damn it!
You're happy 'cause you smile
You had to have known. Somewhere inside, you knew that this would eventually happen. You knew it. And you didn't stop it... you didn't stop it, you fucking bastard!
There's a resounding smack as I slap your face. Still no reply. Open your mouth!
But how much can you fake?
I slap you again... and again... anything to get some kind of reaction out of you. But you're still sitting there...
Staring...
Fucking bastard...
An ordinary boy, an ordinary name
Eyes glazed and fogged over, staring right past me. Right through me. I wish you'd look at me when I'm taking to you, damn it!
I wish you'd look at anything!
/But ordinary's just not good enough today/
I scream at you, call you names, shake your body harder.
Yet still you stare, your eyelashes slightly clumped together with dried blood. The blood on your eyelashes only seems to enrage me further.
And I slap you again. Willing you to look at me. Willing you to speak to me. Willing you...
Are you worried about your faith?
Your body starts to slump forward with the impacts of my roughness, and I sturdy you upright again. And just as I bring my hand back to slap you again... raised in midair...
I stop...
Kneel down and obey
And drop to my knees, putting me face to face with you. Eye to eye. Although you're still staring past me into some great unknown. Some void I'm not part of.
And I whisper to you. Brokenly. Begging you to tell me. Pleading with you to tell me you knew.
You're happy, you're in love
You don't answer.
So I take you into my arms and embrace you. Rocking. Your head cradled on my shoulder. I can't see your face now, but there's no doubt in my mind that your eyes are still blankly gaping. Haunting.
And I whisper your name. I whisper "I love you". I tell you I need you. My salvation. My destruction.
You need someone to hate
And I hate you for it. I hate you for making me love you. I hate you for not telling me... telling me that...
That...
An ordinary girl, and ordinary waist
So there's no use to your silence now. Because I've figured it out. I've realized that you knew all along.
I move your head off my shoulder, taking your chin in between my fingers.
I stare through your caked eyelashes into your distant amethyst.
And you stare past me...
But ordinary's just not good enough today
And strangely enough...
I begin to cry.
Tears stream down my face. And I feel something warm and sticky flowing over the arm I have wrapped around your middle.
Warm... like my tears.
And although you're here in my arms, I am completely alone.
Alone, alone, alone, alone, alone, alone, alone, alone
I wipe my tears against your face, streaking the paths of blood that had dried across your pale skin. Marking my own face with the red.
And I just want you to tell me why...
Why? You knew all along.
I'm thinking why is Superman dead?
Didn't you?
Is it in my head?
And through the tears, a strange little laugh creeps from my throat. And I let it flow...
We'll just laugh instead
Until I start to choke on it. Inhaling deeply through my lungs.
The coppery smell pierces my senses.
And I start to cry again. Staring straight into your eyes. Rocking you. Whispering...
You worry about the weather and
"Why?"
"Why?"
"Why?"
Whether or not you should hate
I hate you for loving me. I hate me for loving you. But most of all I hate you for not telling me...
And now I can't make you speak.
Doesn't anybody ever know...
I close your eyelids for you.
Why didn't you tell me that...
That the world's a subway?
That we were on a subway ride.
And your stop was coming up next.
I'm thinking why is Superman dead?
... "Why?"...
The End
Wow. Sorry about that one, you guys. I know it was crap and didn't really make any sense to all of you. But trust me, it wasn't just random nonsense. I knew what was going on, how it happened, how it played out. I wish I could convey the scene in my head to you, the reader, but seeing as how that's impossible I'll have to let each person grasp they're own meaning to it by their own mind power. For those of you that couldn't figure it out by the context clues and lyrics, Duo's dead, but Heero's still trying to treat him like he's alive. I guess the feelings I was trying to put into Heero was confusion, betrayal, and insanity. The whole point to this was that the death of Duo drove him over that fine line of sanity. If you have a different view or opinion of this story, or would just like to tell me to never write something like this again, heh, feel free to email me at kirei_tenshi@hotmail
Kirei
Please send comments to: kirei_tenshi@hotmail