14-Apr-2003
Disclaimers apply. Shounen-ai, 1+2/2+1, and humor... or at least
attempts at.
Thanks to Yuriko for the idea.
"Errrrnnng... "
"... "
"Er... Errrrnnnng... "
"Is that necessary?"
"Shh, shh, I think I've almost got it. ErrrnnngggGGGG... "
"... "
"Did we move?"
A staccato snort, "Should we have?"
"Well, yes! Er, if my theory had been correct, that is."
"... "
"Unfortunately, I can now put telekinesis down on the list of things Duo Maxwell doesn't have."
"Hn."
"Heero, do you have to breathe so damned hard?"
"... "
"I think I'm starting to grow fungus on the back of my neck."
A faint scratching sound resounded through the tiny tunnel.
"Why do you suppose we have fingernails? I mean, doesn't it still hurt like a bitch when something slams on top of your nail? So what difference does it make if they're there to so-called 'protect' our fingertips? It hurts either damned way." The scratching sound intensified.
"Duo?"
"Eh?"
"Stop scratching against the side of the duct."
A few minutes of silence reigned throughout the cramped ventilation duct, interrupted only by the steady thrum of breathing.
"Do you think we're going to die like this before anyone finds us?"
"... "
"You know I can think of more creative ways of dying with you on my back."
"Hn."
"Are you glaring at the back of my head? I bet you are."
"Duo."
"Yepp?"
"Don't force me to bite your earlobe off."
"Gasp! You are too cruel, Heero Yuy!"
"This is your fault."
"How so?"
"You jumped in before the 'all clear' signal."
"Nuh-uh! If you weren't Mr. Silent Soldier and had turned your comlink on and told me you were climbing back up the duct because the screen wouldn't come off, I woulda known not to jump down the shaft in the first place." Duo said with a decisive huff.
"... "
"Heero."
"What?"
"I said 'shaft'." The sounds of choked snickers erupted from deep within the Deathscythe pilot's throat.
Heero sighed loudly.
"You know, getting stuck in the ventilation duct kinda defeats the whole purpose of using it in the first place. But noooo, you had to make sure we got back to our room in time to make it for class. And you, a Gundam pilot, was worried about alerting dorm security. Feh, it's probably some fat, sweaty bald man close to his sixties, who's currently quite content while drooling over his monitor controls asleep."
"Duo, you know we can't walk back in at four A.M. without there being questions."
"Shhhhh... do you hear it?"
"... ?"
"I think I can hear his snoring from in here. Lucky bastard."
The sounds of one pilot shuffling.
"OW!" A loud struggling noise, "You fucking bit me!"
"Did I?"
"You son of a bitch!"
"Hn. It was only your neck."
"... "
"... "
"Could you do it again? It was kinda kinky."
An irritated growl bubbling up from Heero's chest briefly vibrated against Duo's back.
They hung there, limbs entangled and bodies smushed together against the metal walls of the ventilation duct. The blackness of the enclosure was engulfing, absolute, with only a miniscule cascade of light marking the opening above their heads. There was no crawling up and no shimmying down. There were stuck between the proverbial rock and a hard place.
Duo began to lightly swish his dangling legs back and forth, knocking into Heero's boot occasionally.
"Do you think Quatre's gay?"
A small, strangled noise, "What?"
"Gay. G-A-Y. You know, stuffing sausage... packing brownies... biting pillows-"
"Duo! I know what gay is."
"Well do you?"
"... "
"Because I mean, well, he sure does seem like it sometimes. He can be pretty damn feminine. And I always catch him giving these sidelong looks at Trowa, undressing him with his eyes, you know? I think I've even caught him staring at my ass once or twice."
"That's ridiculous."
"There's nothing wrong with my ass!"
"That's not what I meant!"
"Oh, so you have been looking at my ass then?"
"What?" Heero squirmed, "That's not what I meant either, Duo."
"My ass wants you to know he's officially offended."
"... "
"... "
"... "
A hesitant silence befell before the braided boy spoke again, "Well, do you?"
"Hmm?"
"Think he's gay?"
"... "
"I mean, it's not like it would bother me if he was or anything. I'm all for freedom of choice and all that good shit, but I was just wondering what your opinion is."
"On Quatre or on being gay?"
"Eh," Duo attempted to shrug in the tight confines, "either's good."
"I think Quatre's business is Quatre's business."
"Aa."
"... "
"... "
"However, I don't see anything wrong with being gay."
"Aa."
"Hn."
Heero was drowned in the scent of coconut as Duo leaned his head back and rested it on Heero's shoulder. He took in a deep breath, enticed by the smell.
"You know," Duo started, turning his head to the side and lightly bumping his nose against Heero's. "I wish I had my backpack with me. There's a tube of petroleum jelly in the front pocket. We could use that to get all slippery and slide free. Although, that really would require the full use of our arms and hands I suppose," Duo's voice trailed off with contemplation.
"Hn."
"Heh... "
"You carry petroleum jelly in your backpack?"
"Er, well... "
Heero cocked his head to the side.
"Go freedom of choice?" Duo said with a light chuckle.
"..."
"A boy can dream can't he?"
"About Quatre?"
"Gods, no!"
"Hn." Heero rubbed his head against his own shoulder, attempting to soothe an itch that had been plaguing him for far too long.
"You squirm a lot. And did I mention you breathe hard?"
"Yes."
A few moments passed fueled only by the light melody of Duo humming.
"Ne, Heero?"
"What now?"
"Your flashlight has been stabbing me in the back for like the last fifteen minutes. Can't you shift your hips or something?"
"... "
"... "
"... "
"Heero?"
"I'm not carrying a flashlight."
"Oooh... "
"Hn."
"... "
"... "
"Hey."
"Yes, Duo?"
"My ass wants you to know apology accepted."
The End
Because I'm just silly like that...
Kirei
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