2-May-2003
Disclaimers apply.
Heero shifted uncomfortably in his bed. All night he had been fighting for some semblance of sleep, but the events of the night just wouldn't let him be. The kiss had started- and ended- innocently enough, but now Heero knew there was no denying the awakened spark of desire from deep within himself.
And Duo? Duo had been surprised at Heero's brashness, that had been easy enough to see, but was there more to that staggered look than what lay on the surface? Was Duo simply taken aback that Heero had kissed him in return, or had he felt that same awakening within as well? Heero rubbed fiercely at his eyes, bidding the image of Duo's astonished face to fade away.
And what if that little kiss had actually aroused something within Duo? What would Heero do if after tonight Duo saw him in a whole new light? Heero hadn't even been aware that he could be attracted to men until Duo, but being fascinated with a male and getting involved with one were two very different things.
More importantly, Heero wasn't sure if he even liked the idea of having an affair with Duo. Sure, he figured it would be physically satisfying. There was an air about Duo that just gave off some vibe that he would be a tremendous lover. Though, being the lover of a man was something Heero had never done, and he wasn't all too sure what that label would entitle. But there was not a single doubt in his mind that Duo wouldn't be wonderful. He was sensitive, kind, humorous- he couldn't have picked a better man... if all he wanted was a lover.
Heero wanted more. He needed more.
From Reyn's descriptions, Duo wasn't the relationship type, and although Heero had never been in a real, steady relationship, he knew what he did and did not want. An affair was something he would never partake in. If Duo had meant the kiss as more than a simple gesture and the option did come up to become more, Heero would have to face the fact that Duo did not and more than likely would never love him.
Tonight Heero sensed something had changed. From the minute he and Reyn walked back into the house, Duo had been looking at him strangely. But did he really want that change? He liked knowing Duo was his friend. Friendships, real ones like that of his and Reyn's, lasted. Heero had been around long enough to know that lovers... didn't. If Heero became his partner, he knew that their friendship would come to an end when the affair did. And it would end, this he knew. When that happened, he would lose Duo completely. Some where inside, Heero knew he wouldn't be able to remain Duo's friend after such an ordeal. He recalled how uncomfortable he had been when Duo was with Trinity, and she was merely an ex! It would more than likely be unbearable to see him with other women, or men, knowing that those hands had once been on his body as well.
Heero sighed. No, it would be best to let the tiny spark of desire flicker out. No matter what the situation, Duo was not going to be able to offer him the firm, stable type of commitment Heero craved. Heero's life, the people he had known, were so fleeting. He imagined it would kill him to get involved so physically and mentally with a person that would become fleeting as well. Heero needed permanence, a future.
Heero didn't need Duo Maxwell.
Heero was sitting on the windowsill of the study, gazing out at the scenery when Reyn came in.
"Morning," she mumbled, wearily scraping against her eyes.
He turned towards her, not hiding his smirk at her disheveled state. Either the couch or the alcohol had not agreed with her the previous night. "Good morning. I made you coffee."
"Great," she said raking through her knotted hair, "I could use a whole pot."
"I figured as much," he said, turning back towards the windowpane.
Reyn disappeared for a moment, returning with a steaming mug of coffee. She stood beside Heero, squinting at the daylight streaming into her face.
"Are you alright?"
Reyn smiled, sipping her drink cautiously. "It's just a small hangover. I can't believe you let me drink that much." Heero was about to protest that he hadn't let her do anything when she leaned her forehead against the glass, distracting him. "What 'cha looking at anyway?"
"Hummingbirds," Heero stated plainly, pointing in the direction of a small, oval shaped red bird feeder. Three tiny flittering birds were sipping repeatedly from atop the built-in perch.
Reyn smiled broadly, "Aww, they're so cute!" She stepped back, keeping her eyes on the zips of shiny green that passed to and fro across the porch. "It's such a nice day out. Too bad I'm leaving today."
"Oh? What time?" Heero glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. He was going to miss Reyn. Not to mention that would once again leave him alone with Duo. Reyn had been a very welcome distraction.
"I'm going to catch the ten-thirty ferry back to the mainland. How 'bout you? When do you plan on heading back?'
Heero shrugged nonchalantly. "I suppose whenever Duo finishes the painting."
Reyn's eyebrows shot up. "Painting? What painting?"
"Didn't Duo tell you? He's doing a painting of me. That's why I've stayed as long as I have." Heero pointed over to a covered easel in the corner of the study. Reyn glided over to it, pulling back the cloth.
"So that's how he got you to stay," she said examining the painting.
"What?"
Reyn took a sip of coffee, "After Duo found you so sick at the cabin, I told him if he valued his own health, he'd better find a way to keep you here until you got well." She smirked. "Unfortunately he discovered how much of a stubborn thing you were and said nothing was going to keep you here short of tying you to the bed."
Heero felt a sickening anger growing deep within his belly. "And?"
"And I told him he could think of something a little less kinky because I didn't want to see you back in town before the end of the week. I thought maybe you had conceded that a few days away would be good for your health, but I should have guessed you wouldn't be that easy." She looked thoughtfully at the painting.
Heero strained to keep his face impassive. Duo had made him think that he owed him something, that sitting for his paintings would be payment. That he had actually wanted to paint Heero.
But he didn't really want to paint me, Heero thought hollowly. It had all been just a ploy to get him to stay longer. Heero's jaw clenched tightly. To think he had actually been flattered that a respected artist like Duo wanted him to pose for a painting. He should have guessed it couldn't be real.
"It's really lovely," Reyn broke in on his inner turmoil. "Have you looked at it?"
"I thought I would wait until he was finished with it first." Heero looked back to the window, not wanting Reyn to see the taughtness of his face.
"Something wrong, Heero?" Reyn recovered the painting, walking back over to Heero.
He forced a tiny smile, looking up into her eyes. "I guess I'm still just a bit tired."
Reyn beamed at him. "You do look much better than when you first left. I guess the fresh air really agrees with you." She ruffled his hair.
"All I needed was a good rest. And I've had that. I'll be leaving soon." Soon, as in later today, sounded good. But first he was going to let Duo know exactly what he thought about his pretenses.
"You don't have to rush, you know. From what I've seen, I think Duo's grown kind of accustom to having you around. I think it's good that he finally has someone new around the place. Instead of those... women," Reyn said disgustedly. "It's been so long since Duo has had real interaction in his life." Reyn stretched, turning to walk out of the study. "Let's go make some breakfast."
Real.
The word echoed loudly in Heero's head, aiding in fanning the fire building within his mind.
Real was a word he no longer associated with Duo.
Reyn left shortly after to catch the ferry back to the city. Heero watched her go, wishing she wasn't leaving... or at least that he was leaving with her. He was distressed, abandoned. Nothing was as it seemed.
"Finally, peace and quiet," Duo said, smiling as Reyn drove out of sight.
"Reyn's fun," Heero stated plainly, jaw tight. He turned away from the window.
"But exuberant. And very talkative. She's too much like me when I was her age. I prefer the quiet type." He smiled. "Like you."
Heero didn't retort. He walked over to the fire, squatting down to softly pet Saka's head. The sleeping dog twitched at the contact. Heero lightly scratched behind her ears, gazing blindly into the flames. He felt completely different. To think he thought he actually belonged, that he had been wanted somewhere... by someone. But now he knew the truth. Duo had done it to appease Reyn, suckered into it by his baby sister.
Duo walked up beside Heero, hands stuffed deep within his pant pockets. He looked down at Heero frowning. "Are you ok? You seem... distant."
Heero's eyes narrowed. He looked down at the dog, tracing along the edge of her white mask with his index finger. He was afraid to speak. He had a sinking feeling that the moment he opened his mouth, nothing but anger was going to come pouring out.
"Is it..." he moved to sit on the hearth beside Heero. "Are upset because I kissed you last night?"
Heero glanced at him briefly, shaking his head. After he had found out everything this morning, the kiss had been the furthest thing from his mind. "Of course not."
"You sure?"
"Yes. What's a little teasing between friends?" Heero noticed something... indescribable momentarily flash across Duo's face. It almost looked like... hurt?
"Then it's something else." Duo leaned in towards him, resting his elbows on his knees.
Heero rocked back on his haunches. The feeling of Duo in such a close proximity was unnerving, to say the least. And the warm rush of his breath on Heero's neck was too distracting. He lowered his head, focusing intently on Saka's twitching eyelashes. He was usually quite good at hiding feelings, but this mixture of hurt and anger churning inside was becoming a bit overpowering.
"Heero. Tell me," he demanded.
Heero's anger warred with disappointment, until finally he cracked, bolting up from his crouched position. He was satisfied to see Duo slightly falter in surprise at his quick movements.
"Damnit, Duo. Why did you do it?"
"It?" Duo raised an eyebrow in question.
Heero turned his back towards Duo, his shoulders tense with restrained emotion.
"Lie. Do you really think I'm that incapable? I'm not an invalid, Duo. I was perfectly fine to go back home."
Duo stood, taking a few steps towards Heero's direction. "What are you talking about?"
Heero shot him a hard glance over his shoulder, his eyes smoldering and his teeth clenched. "You didn't have to pretend to get me to stay here, Duo."
Duo tried to place his hand soothingly on Heero's shoulder, and he jerked away from his touch, as if burnt. Duo narrowed his eyes in a scowl. "Pretend about what?"
Heero threw up his hands in exasperation. "I mean, I really couldn't figure out why you would want to paint me, but at least at the time I thought you were sincere. But now I realize it was the only way to get me to stay here, to appease Reyn. You should have known she was overreacting. And besides, that's still no reason to flat out lie to me!"
Heero lowered his chin to his chest, catching a deep breath to calm himself. His mind was starting to examine the consequences of punching Duo. It would surely make himself feel better. "I'm catching the next ferry out." He turned to walk to his bedroom.
"You can't- the painting isn't finished yet!" Duo said, grabbing at Heero's arm.
Eyes flashing, Heero pried Duo's hand off of his elbow. "There's no need for pretenses anymore, Duo. I'm on to you now."
Duo put his hands in the air palms up, as if soothing an angered tiger. "Calm down, Heero. Just listen to me," he said in what would pass as a soothing tone. "Reyn did ask me to let you stay here a few extra days," he explained, "but you should know I didn't start the painting just to get you to stay here. I think by now you realize how seriously I take my work." Duo's face softened, his agitation and annoyance melting away. "There was something about you, Heero... I just had to paint you."
Heero crossed his arms, still not quite convinced. Duo put his hand against Heero's shoulder, much more gently this time. "Come look at it." Tentatively Duo guided him towards the study.
Heero slowly let himself be lead over to the easel. Duo pulled back the cloth, stepping away so that Heero could stand in front of the painting.
And there he was- sitting beside the window with the sleeping dog at his feet. The light was shooting in and coloring Heero's and Saka's hair with streaks of auburn. His skin was creamy and radiant. Two pairs of eyes that were of an identical icy blue gazed cautiously out at the viewer. They were wary eyes, not quite trusting.
Duo leaned in behind Heero, resting his chin upon Heero's shoulder. "See, no pretenses," he whispered softly into Heero's ear.
Heero stared at the painting, feeling his anger steadily slipping away. Duo was right, there were no underlying motives to the painting. In fact, it was a remarkably beautiful piece. Did Duo really see him like that? Not just apprehensive and guarded, but... he had made Heero look desirable, sensual even. He recalled the feel of Duo's lips against his own, and briefly entertained the thought that maybe Duo found him attractive after all.
"Well?" He breathed onto Heero's neck.
Heero smirked, "I see you stuck to the wildlife theme. I look like a frightened puppy."
"Dog," Duo corrected him. "Didn't I tell you that from the first day you came here?"
Heero nodded once.
"You know, that's the way your eyes looked the first time I saw you- drenched, clutching that wood defensively, and surprised by my appearance. And Saka has that same look when new people come around. She's never quite gotten used to seeing strangers... still afraid of people."
"And me?"
"Hmm?" Duo raised and eyebrow.
"Do you think I'm afraid of people, Duo," Heero said, turning his head slightly. Duo's breathing fanned against his cheek.
"I don't think you're afraid of anything, Heero..."
I think I'm afraid of you, Heero thought.
"But you don't trust easily, do you?" Duo inquired.
Heero turned back to the painting, giving a noncommittal snort. Somehow he wasn't that surprised that Duo had been able to see beneath his surface.
Duo's arm came up, hanging loosely over Heero's shoulder. His fingertips lightly brushed Heero's abdomen, making his stomach flutter.
"What about me, Heero? Do you trust me?" Duo's lips faintly ghosted over Heero's ear as he spoke. Heero couldn't tell if Duo was being his touchy-feely self, or actually trying to come on to him.
"If I didn't trust you, I wouldn't still be here." Heero weighed the impact of what he had just confided. Maybe he shouldn't have revealed such personal information to Duo?
"So you'll stay?"
Heero sighed, "You really want me to?"
Duo's smile was warm and genuine. "What do you think?"
Heero tilted his head again, catching Duo's eyes out of the corner of his own. Heero began to remember how dark Duo's gaze had appeared after their kiss in the hallway. A pulsing streak of desire shot through him, and Heero turned away quickly, surprising himself by just how much he yearned to feel Duo's lips again.
Heero casually shrugged Duo's body off, gliding over to the window. His fingertips came up the glass, caressing the cold, unyielding surface.
"I"ll stay then."
There were a few other people roaming around the beach, and Duo briefly waved to them from the path as they walked by. A backpack of cold drinks and sandwiches was slung over his shoulder, bobbing slightly as they moved down the hill. Heero strode close at Duo's back, watching Saka run energetically across the sand. He breathed in deeply, never tired of the instant rush the ocean air supplied him with.
It was a perfect, sunny day. Heero found the weather on the island somewhat disturbing. One minute it would feel like the actual time of year, which was winter, and the next the sun would present itself in mimic of spring. Heero smiled to himself, speculating if Duo liked the island so much because it was ever changing- just like Duo's moods.
Duo led them out to the arm of the bay, stopping when he found a reasonable spot littered with large logs of driftwood. He shrugged off the pack and dug around inside until he pulled out some matches.
"You grab two of those logs and we'll use them for seats. I'll get the fire going," he said, smiling brightly at Heero. He nodded, walking about the wood to find the drier, larger pieces.
By the time he had found two decent logs, Duo had already gotten the fire started. The flames were dancing over the timber Duo had gathered, blazing with a bright orange. Saka, having finished her reconnaissance of the beach, came and flopped down beside one of the makeshift seats Heero had created. She hassled softly, intently watching Duo as he pulled out the food.
Heero sat down on one of the logs, relishing in the feel of the warm sun on his back. A slight wind tousled his hair about.
"Here." Heero opened his eyes to see a soda in front of his face. He took it from Duo, nodding in thanks.
"Want to eat now or later?" Duo said while returning to sit on a log of his own.
"Now is good," Heero stated, leaning into the hands of the breeze.
Duo bent down to pull out the aluminum wrapped sandwiches, tossing one into Heero's lap. Heero watched as Duo pulled out a small sketchbook instead of the other sandwich Heero had expected him to retrieve. Duo looked up, meeting Heero's inquisitive gaze.
"You don't mind, do you?"
Heero shrugged, beginning to unwrap his food. "If you want to stare at me while I do something as mundane as eating, that's your call."
Duo smiled, opening the book to a clean page. "I'm glad you agree." Duo fished out his sketch pencils. "I promise not to draw you in mid-bite."
"You're too kind," Heero deadpanned, taking his first taste of the sandwich. It was good, roast beef and provolone.
They sat in companionable silence for a great while, Heero content to soak up rays and Duo pleased to get in some outdoor sketches of Heero. The afternoon was fading fast beyond the horizon, and Heero was surprised at just how quickly time had passed.
Duo finally tucked away his pad, pulling out his food to chomp down. With his free hand he reached into the pack and then threw a white bag at Heero. He caught it effortlessly, turning it over to read the label.
"Marshmallows?" He raised his eyebrow skeptically.
Duo nearly choked around his food. "You've never seen marshmallows before?"
Heero shook his head. "I know what they are, but I've never eaten any before. I guess I've never really thought about it."
Duo smiled teasingly at him, "You are so deprived."
Heero rolled his eyes, opening the bag and spying inside. He pulled out a large, puffy marshmallow, squeezing its middle until it resembled an hour glass.
Duo snorted at Heero's naiveté, finishing off his last bite and moving to sit beside him. He took the bag from Heero. "You have to cook them over the fire. A bonfire just isn't a bonfire without a marshmallow roast."
"I guess I'll take your word on it," Heero muttered.
"Wait here," Duo said as he stood up, searching on the ground for something. He brought back two, long, thin sticks. He placed the bag back into Heero's lap, reaching in and pulling out a marshmallow. Heero watched as Duo stabbed the stick through the middle of it, making sure it was secure.
"Here ya go." He handed the invention to Heero. He took it from Duo's grasp, there fingers briefly brushing.
Duo staked a marshmallow of his own, leading Heero over to the fire.
"How long do I cook it?"
Duo shrugged. "It's really about personal preference. Some people like them just a little warm. Me, I like to get them nice and burnt on the outside."
"Burnt?" Heero made a disgusted face at him, pulling a deep laugh from within Duo's chest.
"It's just the outside. You pull off the crispy part and the inside is warm and gooey." Duo licked his lips as if anticipating the tasty treat. "You should try it both ways to see which one you like."
After a few mishaps and suicidal marshmallows jumping into the flames, Heero discovered that he liked his just the way Duo did.
"Now this is-" Duo stopped abruptly, raising his head into the night air. There was a scrambling sound in the bushes behind them followed by the cutting sound of a dogs barking. Duo's hand snapped out, grabbing a tight hold on Saka's collar.
"Stay, girl." Duo's eyes narrowed, looking hard in the direction the noises had come from.
"What is it?" Heero asked, following the gaze of pet and master.
Suddenly a deer rushed out from the brush. It stumbled, frightened out of its mind, trying its best to trudge across the sand. A dog barked again from the direction the deer had appeared; it was growing closer.
"Shit," Duo cursed, shoving Saka's collar towards Heero. "Take her."
Duo ran swiftly over to towards the deer, not even pausing in flow as he reached down and snatched up a thick branch in midrun.
The deer had stopped near the water, its legs splayed and trembling. It was a doe, and her muzzle hung low, audible sounds of her trying to regain breath piercing through the darkened beach. Three, then four dogs tore out from the brambles in pursuit of the doe.
Heero tightened his grip on Saka's collar, her body full of apprehension and ready to leap away. Heero watched as Duo came in between the deer and the dogs. Skidding to a stop, he held out the limb in front of his body. The dogs lowered their heads, eyeing Duo warily.
Duo swung the limb once, and one dog immediately skirted away in fear. The other three shied a few steps back, weighing out whether or not they should try and breach Duo. Duo took a few paces forward, swinging again and barely missing the nose of one dog. Instantly they jerked awake, running off into the distance with their tails tucked between their legs.
Heero turned back towards the deer, still not letting go of Saka. The doe, sensing she was presently out of danger, collapsed to the ground from exhaustion.
Duo dropped the limb, walking back over to Heero, his eyes on the deer as he did.
"There's not much more we can do," Duo started, rubbing at the back of his neck. "I think I should stay down here in case the dogs come back. She's completely worn down; they must have been running her for a long time." Duo's voice was grim.
"It's probably a good idea for you to take Saka back up to the house. I don't want her to frighten the deer anymore than it already is." Duo took off his windbreaker, looping one sleeve around Saka's collar and tying it off as a makeshift leash. "This will have to do," he said, handing the free end to Heero.
Heero nodded, turning back towards the house.
"Heero-" He turned to look back at Duo. "Thanks. I wouldn't wait up. I could be down here for a while." Heero nodded, moving back up the trail.
It was pitch black along the beach, and Heero was glad for the back-porch light that had been left on at Duo's. Once inside he untied Saka and headed to the kitchen to brew some coffee. Duo was sorely mistaken if he thought Heero was just going to leave him down there by himself all night.
He searched through cupboards until discovering a thermos and flashlight. After grabbing a blanket from the closet, Heero started back down in the direction of the fire.
As Heero approached, he shut off the flashlight and stopped just short of Duo realizing his presence. He was sitting on the sand with his back leaning against one of the logs. His knees were drawn up, the sketchpad resting atop them. The fire was dancing a warm glow across Duo's figure and the moon was shining down atop his hair. The sight was enough to make Heero's heart skip a beat.
Taking a deep breath, Heero pushed his rampant emotions deep down inside and away from Duo's all-knowing eyes. Heero stepped up into the firelight and out of the darkness, Duo's head snapping up instantly. He blinked, his concentration broken.
"I thought you were going to stay at the house," he said, laying his pad down and stretching like a lazy cat.
"I brought some things back." Heero laid down the thermos and flashlight atop the blanket, placing them on the driftwood.
"Aa. So efficient," Duo mumbled between a yawn. "Are you sure you want to stay? It's going to get pretty cold before morning."
Heero nodded abruptly. "I think I'll manage."
Duo smiled up at him with glimmering eyes. "I'm sure you will."
Hours passed, and the two stayed awake with conversations about past experiences. Heero was quick to notice that throughout Duo's little story tellings of his younger days, at no time did he mention Ayumi. It was strange to Heero. He wondered if Duo was still so hurt after all this time that he couldn't even bring up her name.
A comfortable silence reigned for a few minutes before Duo spoke up. "Feel like a walk?"
"What about the deer," Heero said, pointing over Duo's shoulder.
"We won't go far. I just need to stretch my legs."
Duo scrambled to his feet, Heero trailing behind him.
A quarter moon hung luminously over the waters, silvery light reflecting in ripples along the waves. They walked languidly along the shore, so close that occasionally their shoulders or arms would bump. They stopped just at the waterline, gazing out at the play of natural light among the deep blue.
"Heero..." Duo started, turning to face him. Heero angled his body slightly, looking across to Duo's face. Darkness shadowed his features and his eyes were deep and intense. He waited patiently, expecting Duo to finish his sentence.
Instead, Duo moved in closer, his face slowly reaching towards Heero's. Heero's pulse quickened with wide, surprised eyes, as Duo's lips descended upon his own.
Heero's eyelids fluttered shut. It was much better than he had remembered. Duo's lips were warm and soft, tinged slightly with the taste of coffee. Duo's mouth caressed his steadily, his tongue lightly stroking against Heero's lips. Duo's hands crept up, bunching up in the material covering Heero's chest, as if to draw him even closer. Heero's tongue darted out against Duo's, and he felt Duo's body shutter against him.
Just when Heero throught he couldn't take it anymore, Duo relinquished his lips, pushing Heero back slightly. Then, as if he instantly missed the contact, Duo swept in for one last, quick kiss.
Their eyes locked, Heero's blurry and unseeing with desire. Heero now understood what it was like to want someone completely and without reserve. It was a frightening, yet exhilarating, feeling.
Heero looked into Duo's eyes, which were darkened by more than just the night. The line between Duo's brow was cut deep, and he looked as if he was searching Heero's face for something.
Finally, Duo cracked a smile, releasing hold of Heero's shirt and stepping back. "The moonlight made me do it," he said in ways of an excuse.
"Aa." Heero's senses were still churning swiftly with arousal. "It's only a quarter moon. What happens on a full?" Heero strained to keep his face impassive, contrary to what his mind was telling him to do.
"You're playing with fire," Duo said, his voice deep with warning. He turned from Heero, watching as the deer began to rise and make her way back down the shore.
"Let's be heading back," Duo said abruptly, turning to gather their things from the camp and put out the fire.
They moved in silence as they packed everything up, yet Heero's mind was reeling from a thousand different voices from deep within.
When they were finished, Duo began walking back towards the house, not waiting for Heero to follow him. It was pretty obvious to him that Duo wasn't happy about the kiss- for whatever reasons he may have. Heero frowned dejectedly at Duo's back, turning to follow him back up to the house.
As they reached the house, Duo started putting the supplies away in the kitchen. Heero moved swiftly past him, mumbling a leery goodnight and going straight back to his bedroom. Deftly stripping down to boxers, Heero climbed under the covers immediately and pulled them up around his chin. There was no way he was going to let Duo ruin another night's sleep. The kiss was nothing, that was clear, and he refused to let it happen again if this would always be the end result.
Heero drifted off into a fitful sleep without a second thought about Duo.
End Part 5
TBC...
If you would like to view an illustration I did to accompany The Lucky Ones,
you can see the picture at http://www.wing-goddess.net/kirei/animef/004.html
C&C, please!
Kirei
Please send comments to: kirei_tenshi@hotmail.com