Ok, here's a little (hehe) fic that I thought up on the way to chem lecture and that I wrote in said lecture instead of paying attention to the professor.

Anyways, I would like to thank Rebecca for pre-reading this and talking with me. (I got some of the ideas I used in a conversation with her)

Disclaimers: I don't own the characters. Wish I did, but oh well.

Cry by Kim

It's raining. How appropriate. The sky is shedding the tears that I will not...I cannot. Perhaps when this war is over, perhaps then...

But like the rain, there seems to be no sign that this war will ever end. God, I wish it would end.

I hate it. No, not the rain – the endless fighting. It is taking its toll on us all, but it affects the five of us in different ways. For each of us, we kill and we lose something. How much longer? How much longer until we have nothing left to lose? What will we be then? Soulless, unfeeling creatures I suppose.

It's affecting us already. Some of us hide it well, but if you look closely enough, you can see it.

Trowa is already a shell of a person. I'm not sure what happened to him before he joined us, but it must have been horrible. You can see it in his eyes.

Most people don't see it. All they see is the emptiness. They don't look behind it to see the pain he is in. Like they say, physical scars can heal in time, but scars on your soul, they're there for life.

Quatre is another who can see Trowa's pain. I think he's the only one besides me...and maybe Catherine, but she's an entirely different story.

Quatre has his own problems. Despite all of his efforts, I can see the hatred in his soul. Oh, don't get me wrong, he doesn't hate those that he kills. That's part of the problem. Quatre somehow finds it in his heart to care about everyone, even his enemies. No, he doesn't hate them; he hates himself. Every time he kills or hurts someone, his self-hatred grows. But somewhere, buried underneath his kind heart, is a dark place. We all have it. His is just much more obvious against the light that surrounds it. He contains a deep, dark, violent part that wishes to hurt those he cares about for no reason. A place that makes him want to scream with rage and destroy anyone or anything that ever hurt him. And he hates himself for that part as well.

On the other hand, I'm not sure Wufei has that dark place. Or at least, not as much as the rest of us do. Out of the five of us, he's probably the least suited for this kind of life. He rants about justice, but, somehow, I don't think it's us he is trying to convince. I'm not sure who he is trying to prove himself to. But I get the feeling that, half of the time, he is trying to make himself believe what he says. Heh, he's so uptight ... he's probably a closet gay.

Wooo...hentai mental image. Wufei in a closet, read yaoi manga. Hehe.

Speaking about sexual problems, what exactly is Heero? I don't think I would call him bisexual...maybe asexual would be the word to fit him best. Not that I care very much.

So, besides being as ambiguous as a hermaphrodite (‘nother hentai image...I am such a pervert), what is Heero's problem?

That one is easy. He's lost. Out of all of us, Heero would be the most likely to suicide if he survived the war. As it is now, I'm not sure he knows exactly what to do with himself.

When we came to Earth, everything was so clear. The Federation was our enemy, and we were to do whatever was necessary to protect the colonies. But then, the Federation wanted peace. And we, out of ignorance, snuffed out that chance to end the war almost before it began. Now who do we fight? Oz? Treize? The colonies that betrayed us? He's so confused.

Hell, we all are confused. But he fights on... which is probably not the best thing to do.

So that only leaves myself. Honestly, I'm not sure if any of the others can see past the mask of a jester that I wear. Sometimes I wish they could. But if they did, I'm not sure they would like what they see. I'm sure I would scare Heero away.

God, I love him so much it hurts. I think that, in his arms, I could forget about the war, about what I've become. At least for a while. But what right do I have to forget? None.

So, why do we fight? Why, if it causes us such pain, do we continue to resist? Because if we didn't, someone else would be forced to take our place. If nothing else, I will live and fight to make sure no one else has to see and do the things that we have to.

So that no one else will become an empty shell like Trowa, or come to hate themselves like Quatre does, or lose themselves like Heero has, or is not even be able to find themselves in the first place like Wufei...

Or forget how to cry like I have.

Owari

So what do you think? Is it angsty? Hehe, ok I feel better now.
Cas: O_O
What?
Cas: O_O
What?!!
Cas: O_O
*jumps up and down* WHAT WHAT WHAT?!!!!
Cas: Wow... *awestruck*
hehehe

Kim