07-Oct-2001
Hurrah! Fini! ^_^ Well, domo arigato gozaimus to everyone who has been kind enough to leave a comment (and of course to anyone who's had the patience to read this series)
AC 205
Two weeks after the destruction of the Sigma Station...
White Base
Bridge, Briefing room.
Wufei returned to the emptied room, and slowly approached the blond man, sitting with his head in his hands. He had noticed Quatre's absence during the evening meal and had come here, after first checking the medbay. He walked to the seat opposite to the silent man and pushed forward the meal tray he had brought.
'You better eat something.' Wufei said at last, as Quatre showed no interest in the food, or for that matter, in him.
'Damn it Quatre, don't ignore me when I'm talking to you!'
Quatre blinked and finally lifted his head to look at the angry Chinese glaring at him.
'If you want to sulk. Fine. Sulk. But at least eat something first.' Wufei growled as he pushed the meal tray firmly, and held out the utensils.
Quatre sighed faintly and accepted the meal tray in silence, opening the foil seal on the plate. After a minute, he looked up again, a faint spark of amusement lighting in his eyes as he said gravely, 'I don't like chicken.'
Wufei snorted and folded his arms across his chest, a picture of stubborn patience. After a moment, Quatre shrugged and gave in and started eating.
'It's not your fault.' Wufei said suddenly, looking away as Quatre froze, his fork pausing before his mouth. 'Not all of it, anyway.' He continued, his forefinger idly tracing the fine grain of the wood table as he spoke.
Quatre continued to eat in silence, focusing all his attention on chewing and swallowing the unappetising meal. He stabbed at the tough meat with the blunt knife, wishing that he could get the salty metallic smell of the blood out of his nostrils as easily as he had washed off the blood that had caked him, from head to toe. He also wished that Wufei would go away. He just wasn't in the mood to talk. To anyone.
'He wants to see you.'
Wufei spoke up again at last, feeling oppressed by the uncomfortable silence that had descended while he waited for Quatre to finish eating. 'Heero, I mean.' He added, unnecessarily he knew, the sudden fire that ignited in Quatre's eyes made it patently obvious that the Arab had known exactly who 'he' was.
'He asked me to tell you to come to the medbay. He didn't want to leave him.' Wufei finished uncomfortably, fidgeting slightly in his chair as Quatre simply stared back silently, with those haunted eyes. 'You know don't you?' Wufei asked at last, unable to resist the temptation to press further as Quatre sat unmovingly, his eyes emptied of all emotion.
He wasn't too sure about what had happened between the three of them, and that creepy guy, what was his name, Schul.. something or other, before he and Amuro had arrived. Wufei was pretty certain that Quatre hadn't been near medbay in over a week though, and he wasn't too sure why. Even in the debriefing, Quatre had refused to elaborate any further on what happened during the time he was alone with Duo, Heero and the psi, not even to explain why he was so adamant in his belief that the psi was dead.
Noah had been furious, and it had taken both Zechs and Wufei to calm them down after the hot tempered Captain accused Quatre of deliberately withholding vital information for personal reasons. Since Heero had refused to leave the medbay as long as Duo remained critical, Noah was forced to wait for Doctor Ikari's permission before he could question the other two men. During the last two weeks since their return, Quatre had turned into a pale ghost, it was as if he had left behind his will to live back on Sigma.
Wufei wished that Trowa was here, the auburn haired pilot had always shared a special relationship with Quatre, and for that matter, with Heero. Given their past differences, Wufei still felt awkward around Quatre, the two of them having disagreed, violently and on numerous occasions, over the blond man's relationship with Heero. Even after all this time, he found it difficult not to be judgemental when he saw that Quatre still had feelings for Heero. But all his anger and resentment faded away when he looked into the tortured eyes, and Wufei knew that Quatre didn't deserve to suffer like this. No one did.
'Duo's awake.'
Wufei blurted out suddenly and examined the still man in front of him anxiously, heaving a sigh of relief as Quatre nodded slightly, showing no sign of surprise. So, he had known...
'Now, all we need to do is find Trowa, and everything will be fine.'
Wufei spoke heartily, wishing all the while that he believed in his own words.
Quatre smiled faintly, genuinely moved by the Chinese man's effort to comfort him and nodded again, more firmly. He remembered the first time he had thought that Trowa was dead... It had been Heero and his faith in him that had given him the courage and strength to keep going, to find Trowa and to ask for his forgiveness... and to learn to forgive himself...
It had taken two days... two days of hell, as they waited helplessly... before they received the final bitter confirmation of Trowa's loss. Noah's tactical officer had managed to trace five trails of energy signatures leaving the station just before it exploded but apart from the two mobile suits which had returned to White Base, one had been destroyed by the energy wave, and the other two... The other two energy signatures had disappeared within Imperium space. Even if Trowa was still alive, it meant that at best, he was a prisoner. At worst... Quatre shivered suddenly as he remembered the cruelty in Nagisa's eyes and felt his hope falter...
He gazed at his other friend sadly, observing the dark shadows under Wufei's eyes and the numerous scratches that marred the once flawless skin and felt a burning rage inside as he thought of the price they had paid for their last mission.
The last time he had visited the medbay had been just after his final clearance by the medics. He had opened the door to Duo's room and had found himself unable to move or speak as he stared at the frozen tableau inside. Duo, a heavy bandage masking half his face, and tubes sticking into his body, lay in unmoving in the bed while Heero, his head resting on the bed in tired sleep, was holding on to Duo's hand, a thin tube, the deep red blood swirling thickly inside, joining their arms. Quatre had stayed long enough to see Heero stir gently and sit up, his free hand reaching up to push back the long chestnut fringe tenderly away from the too pale face. Then, he left, closing the door quietly behind him to keep from disturbing the occupants within. Heero had never once looked away from the American's face.
Duo's injuries, mostly inflicted by Schuldig, had been horrific, requiring massive transfusions and a kidney replacement as well as dealing with the broken leg and ribs. Fortunately, apart from the scarring, the deep gash on his face had been less serious then they had thought. Doctor Ikari had been concerned that the damaged eye might have to be removed at one point. Duo had undergone multiple surgeries since their return, and the eye had been saved, though Shinji Ikari had warned that there was massive scarring along his optic nerves and had admitted that loss of sight was a possibility. He was also been in a coma since their return and it had been Zechs who had told Quatre that Duo had finally awakened from the coma. Zechs had also warned Quatre that there had been some... complications...
'Would you mind if I walked with you?' Wufei asked, his black eyes filled with concern as he stared at the white drawn face of his friend. 'I haven't seen Duo yet and I'd like to visit him. While you talk to Heero.'
'Of course.' Quatre answered politely, feeling a sense of relief at the thought of having company when he finally saw Heero again.
The two men walked out in companiable silence and headed to the medbay. They had been both enemies and friends and with all they lost, they felt the strong need to strengthen the fragile bond they were establishing.
Medbay
Quatre slowed his walk as the two men approached Duo's room, unconsciously allowing Wufei to take the lead as the doors opened. He looked over Wufei's shoulder with a stony expression, his mouth tightening into a hard line as Heero rose from his seat next to the bed.
'I wasn't expecting to see both of you.'
Heero save softly, a faint frown puckering his forehead as he stared at Wufei.
'He's sleeping.' Heero continued quietly, darting a quick glance behind him as he spoke. 'I think it might be best if we talk outside.'
Quatre nodded tersely, his attention drawn to the unconscious man lying in bed, his face no longer swathed in bandages, the deep jagged line of the scar which ran from the temple down to the mid cheek was clearly visible, even in the dimmed light. Idly he observed the half full glass of water by the bedside table, and the various coloured bottles standing in a mute accusing cluster on the side. He waited until Heero finished tucking the bedclothes around the sleeping patient, his eyes darkening as he saw the gentle smoothing caresses that graced Heero's every touch.
'I'll stay in here and wait.' Wufei volunteered in a gruff voice as he stepped aside to let Heero pass him.
Heero stiffened slightly and opened his mouth as if to say something, then gave a long look at Duo, his eyes flickering faintly with an unknown emotion. Quatre stared at him, trying to figure out what Heero was feeling, when Heero walked past him, letting his silence answer Wufei's question.
Wufei scowled as his friends, make that former comrades, he corrected himself with a hint of bitterness, wishing that for once he could figure out what the hell Yuy was planning. He walked over to the bed and wrinkled his nose in distaste as the faintly acrid scent of chemicals assaulted his senses. Wufei slumped in the chair next to the oblivious Duo and folded his arms as he prepared to wait, for Duo to waken, for Heero to return... Hospitals... Why did every stinking sick room always smelt exactly the same way?
Waiting area...
Quatre sipped his tea and waited for Heero to speak. A sudden flash of memory twitched the corner of his lips as Heero finally put down his mug and folded his hands gravely in his lap. Heero inclined his head slightly, his eyes holding the same expression of faint puzzlement that Quatre had loved so deeply, and the blond man felt a rush of bitter sweet emotions unfold in his heart as he waited, as he had always waited, for Heero to speak.
'You haven't been sleeping or eating properly.' Heero's voice was slightly disapproving as he scanned the drawn expression of the man sitting opposite.
Quatre felt a genuine smile rise to his face, for the first time in a long, long while as a tiny warmth flickered to life inside him.
'I missed you.' He said simply in response.
Heero's hands trembled and he automatically clenched them together, trying to keep his nervousness from showing. Quatre's words had gone straight through his heart, and he felt his body shivering from their impact. Heero heard the unspoken appeal, the painful need that echoed in the big blue green eyes boring into him and closed his eyes, trying to keep his mind on the objective of this talk.
'Duo's half blind.' Heero said at last, lifting his head and staring impassively at Quatre's shocked face. 'We found out yesterday when Duo recovered consciousness. Doctor Ikari had warned us that this might happen remember?'
Quatre nodded numbly, his guts twisting in apprehension as he listened to Heero's calm voice, wondering how the Japanese managed to sound so dispassionate while speaking of his former lover's injuries, it was almost as if he was presenting a report in a meeting.
'Duo's a bit disoriented right now. Doctor Ikari has decided to keep the number of visitors down to a minimum until Duo has a chance to recover, at least physically.'
'Physically?' Quatre interjected sharply, his eyes hardening as he repeated Heero's last word.
Heero drew in a deep breath, this was the part he dreaded the most. He did not want to be the one explaining this to Quatre, but he owed the gentle blond...
'There's been some damage to Duo's mind. We don't know how extensive, or permanent it is yet. It'll take time before Doctor Ikari is able to establish any definite prognosis for Duo's recovery. Or if indeed, it is possible for him to recover completely. Right now, the only that we know of for certain is that Duo has lost his memories for the last four years.'
'Four years...' Quatre whispered out loud, his eyes widening with shock as he absorbed the implications of what Heero was telling him. 'That means that he's forgotten everything that we've been through. That he's forgotten...' Quatre looked at Heero, his eyes darkening suddenly with anger. 'That son of a bitch...'
'The last thing Duo remembered was going on the shuttle leaving for Earth, where I was waiting for him.' Heero's voice was devoid of emotion as he stared impassively at angry man, waiting for Quatre to regain control over his temper. 'And the next thing he knows is waking up here. He woke up,' Heero drew in a shuddering breath and tried to keep his voice steady as he continued, '... and found himself here, one leg immobilised and in a plaster cast, and wearing a body cast around his chest and waist, his left arm bandaged to the shoulder and half of his face and head bound in bandages.' Heero smiled wryly at Quatre, 'he wasn't too happy. And spared no pains in letting us all know it. Very loudly and at every opportunity. This was before he found out about the blindness.'
The Arab slumped back into his seat, his heart hammering rapidly as the brutal reality of the sheer extent of Duo's injuries finally slammed into him.
'Duo is learning to cope with his situation... at least, he's trying to but... finding out that he's also missing four years of his past didn't help.' Heero sighed heavily and sunk deeper into his chair and Quatre realised just how tired Heero was and how much he had been going through since their return to White Base.
'Doctor Ikari believes that the cause of the amnesia is stress and trauma since there was no evidence of physical trauma to the brain, and that Duo will be able to recover his memories... eventually. The usual treatment in this sort of case is to allow the victim to recover his memories gradually, rather then by forcing him to confront the past. Efforts such as recounting of past events has never been effective in creating meaning or connections for the person who has lost his memories. So he has suggested that...'
'That you resume your relationship with him.' Quatre cut in brusquely, his hands closing fists, not noticing as the fingernails cut into his palm and grounding them into his thighs. 'Is that why you wanted to see me Heero? To ask for my blessing? To ask me to pretend that the last four years didn't happen?' Quatre suddenly burst into laughter as the irony of the situation overwhelmed him. 'Tell me Heero, would you do the same for me, if it was me in there instead?'
The harsh sound of bitter laughter filled the room and Heero stiffened, a dark flush staining his cheeks as he tried to organise his chaotic thoughts. He had no intention of allowing Quatre to provoke him into a futile argument. Not now. Not with everything that was at stake.
'Quatre, don't. Please!' Heero cried out sharply and Quatre's laughter cut abruptly as he heard deep anguish in Heero's voice.
'This isn't about... there may be another reason for Duo's amnesia. That's why I wanted to talk to you. When Duo woke up...' Heero's voice shook slightly and Quatre thought he saw a flicker of panic in the wide dark blue eyes. He moved swiftly to Heero's side and grabbed hold of his hands, and bit back a sharp exclaimation as he felt the icy coldness radiating from the stiff fingers.
'Duo looked at me and... I felt something... no... someone else.' Heero spoke hesitantly, his eyes glazing as he returned to that moment. His mind had been fogged with exhaustion and when the violet eye had finally opened, he had instinctively reached out to touch the oval face and when his fingers had brushed against the warm skin, Heero had recoiled, shrinking away as he felt the tentative intrusion, the brush of another mind against his own.
'Heero.' Quatre spoke gently as he started to massage the stiff and cold fingers, feeling a sudden leaden weight pressing down inside his chest as he finally realised that Heero was terrified.
'What are you trying to tell me?' Quatre asked softly, wrapping his hands around the frozen hands and bringing them up to his cheek. 'What has Duo's amnesia got to do with... masaka...' Quatre's eyes widened as he remembered him, the arrogant and powerful stranger who had laid claim to his lover. If he was still alive...
Heero shook his head urgently on hearing Quatre's voice strangling away to a whisper and jerked his hands out of Quatre's grasp, swinging his arms around the blond man's neck, preventing him from turning his attention towards Duo's room.
'No!' Heero choked out and tightened his hold, lifting his hands to Quatre's face, forcing him to meet his eyes. 'You don't understand. Wait.'
Quatre reached up and closed his hands around the stiff wrists, looking down at the frightened man in a mixture of rage and confusion.
'Listen to me. Quatre... please. Why do you think I didn't tell anyone else except you? I need you. I need you to help me.' Heero looked into Quatre's eyes in desperate appeal, holding the gaze unwaveringly until he felt the angry tension drain from the other man.
'I can't be certain about this. Maybe I was imagining that I felt... him...' Heero shivered involuntarily as an image of a grinning face framed by wild red gold locks appeared in his mind. 'And you have to remember that it may be possible that the timing of the contact, coinciding with Duo's waking up... was just that, a coincidence.' Heero dropped his hands from Quatre's face limply, sounding as though he was trying to convince himself, as he repeated again, '...a coincidence.'
Quatre felt darkness cloud his vision as Heero's words threw him back to that moment, the terrible instance just as he thrust the blade, forged from his hatred and despair, into the laughing demon who haunted his dreams. He pushed himself away from Heero and stumbled blindly back towards his chair, a cold sweat coating his skin and chilling his body as he remembered...
Pain. A white hot knife that tore viciously into his body and soul. The sound of mocking laughter. The burning shame that sank into his very being because... the sweet sounding laughter, rippled with mocking contempt... And then as the darkness swallowed him, he saw his memories, the bright shining pictures of his past, swirl past him and darken... and he felt the screams tearing out from his throat as he felt the shattering loss cut into him and cried out in denial...
Somehow, he had found the strength, he didn't know where or how, to gather the precious fragments together and to throw up a shield, to protect himself from the terrible void that pulled at him... the void that he had created when he killed Schuldig.
Quatre buried his face in his hands as he remembered what had happened to Duo in that instance... The dark vortex that had torn apart the mindscape as Schuldig died... as Quatre folded his shields around him, creating a shining barrier that protected him from the tearing black coils, he had seen the darkness close in around Duo... and had closed his eyes in helpless denial as he saw Heero leap forward and hold out his hand, trying to reach the disappearing man even as the dark tendrils flew around his body and swallow him up...
'If Duo has amnesia because parts of his memories had been destroyed in that moment...'
Quatre lifted his eyes slowly as Heero resumed speaking.
'It's my fault. I failed to protect him. I... I owe him Quatre...'
Quatre stared blankly as he heard Heero speak the damning words, feeling bleak numbness in his body as he listened, hearing the faint voice as if it was coming from a distance. He smiled emptily, staring blindly at Heero's moving mouth, and hearing nothing except the echoing screams of a dead man in his ears. He remained sitting even after Heero had finished talking and after waiting a while for his response, finally gave up and left him, alone. Quatre felt nothing as he sat there, his eyes and ears closed to any who tried to get his attention, alone with his thoughts.
He didn't know what he was supposed to do now. He had stepped away from Heero once before, and it almost destroyed him. Quatre had thought that he was acting honourably when he hid his own feelings and moved aside for Duo. A decision that had soured the friendship as he stood by and saw his best friend courting the one true love of his heart... And when Heero and Duo's relationship had disintegrated... as... he admitted to himself at last... he had always hoped and dreamt that it would. It had given him a chance. And he saw the dawning love in Heero's eyes... And turned his back on the friend...
And now here he was. Come full circle. Except this time, it was Heero who had asked him to step aside...
Except...
Quatre unfolded his stiff hands and stood up, the aching joints in his limbs making him realise just how long he had been sitting in that chair.
Once Duo has recovered... and we've found Trowa...
The thought of his lost friend was an anchor, it gave him something to hold on, something to fight for... Quatre decided that what he needed to do now, was to focus on getting Trowa back. And when his friend was at his side again, then, he could start planning on getting back his life together again.
Quatre's mind returned to the mocking green eyes and the soft husky voice that whispered that his chance would come again...
'He chose you... he loves him but he needs you...'
And if Schuldig or even a piece of him was still alive...
Quatre walked to the window and looked out into the light studded darkness, feeling the chilling air from the thick layer separating him from the empty void.
'He chose me...'
He said to himself softly, watching as the warmth of his breath created a small patch of fog on the clear material, obscuring the bejeweled darkness outside.
'He needs me...'
Medbay...
Duo opened his eyes slowly, a faint groan breaking from his dry lips as he tasted the bitter after taste of the medication in his mouth. He felt the smooth cold edge of the glass against his cracked mouth and sipped eagerly, even before his blurry vision managed to focus on the clear blue eyes staring at him in concern.
'Happy Birthday.'
The corner of Heero's mouth twitched slightly and his eyebrows raised up in mock disapproval.
'You always say that when you wake up Duo.' Heero protested mildly as he helped the patient into a sitting position, being careful to very gently slap the roaming hand over his body, wondering as usual, how Duo could possibly consider trying to take advantage of the close proximity in his condition.
'A joke.' Duo smiled broadly, his hand reaching up unconsciously as he felt the thick scar tissue pulling on his cheek. 'It reminds me how lucky I am to be here.' He made a face as Heero started to twitch at his bedclothes again, annoyed by his lover's sheer determination to keep him tidy and secured and made a futile grasp to capture the busy hands when they came within range.
'Duo, be careful.' Heero's heart skipped a beat when Duo lurched off balance after making a wild grab and wound his arms around him instantly, using his bodyweight to steady Duo's position and blinked as the American started to laugh.
'Got you.'
Heero lifted his head and gazed into the wickedly triumphant violet eyes, and suddenly dropped his head and brushed his lips against the scarred cheek, before lowering his head and pressing his mouth against the eagerly opening lips. Heero leaned deeper into the kiss, opening his own mouth to the gently probing moist flesh and tightened his hold, lifting his hips slightly to rest against the bed.
Duo stared greedily as Heero's eyes slowly closed and the thick dark lashes swept down, resting against the pale cheek and concentrated on breathing, tasting, smelling every inch of the man he had longed for, with every particle in his body. He still didn't know what had happened to him, but at that moment, he no longer cared how or why he had come by his injuries. He could think only of the sweetness of his mouth, the familiar tangy scent of the smooth skin pressed against his face and the soft silky locks entangled around his tightening hand as he tried to pull Heero even closer.
'To hell with the memories...' Duo mouthed breathlessly as he reluctantly released Heero's mouth and watched the thick lashes slowly lift, revealing the brilliant blue orbs as Heero opened his eyes. 'I don't need any memories as long as I have you...' Duo lifted his head and pulled Heero down into another lingering kiss...
~owari~
Kat: Well that's all folks. Hope you liked the show. And don't forget to drop me a line please. I really need to start hustling for more feedback. ^_^ By the way, I am planning a sequel series. After all, I have left a number of loose ends that needs tying up. neh? lol.
Gemini is the title of the sequel. And yeah, Schuldig isn't entirely... out of the picture. (can't say more than that) I've been planning Gemini from the middle of last year but had to finish Minuet first since this is where I set up the various elements that I needed for the next part of the story. Gemini will feature the Nagisa/Sakurazuka pair and I'm not too clear on details yet but I am planning to spend far more time on Trowa, and hopefully Wufei. And of course, our eternal triangle will continue in the sequel, though I think I might be end up being a bit 'nasty' to one or more of them. I think I need to be more ruthless with my characters.
Katana
Please send comments to: apriori21@yahoo.com