02-Jul-2000
revised: 12-Jul-2001
R, AU, OOC, 4x1/2x1, Sci-Fi
Side Seven
In the penthouse suite of the Grand Hyatt
'I made a mistake. I'm sorry.'
He turned the words over and over again in his mind. Wondering if there had been something else that he could have said, something else that he could have done.
Was there anything that he said or did that he didn't regret? He thought back to the beginning and tried to remember how he came to this point, caught between two loves, his every word and action tearing at the one or the other. He loved both of them.
Heero closed his eyes and rested his mouth against the clasped hands as he sat up in his chair and leant his elbows on the table. He was tired of the pain, of causing pain to those that he loved, but he didn't know how to make it all stop.
Once upon a time, it had been so simple.
He had loved... he still loved Duo. But now, he also loved Quatre, and he didn't know what he was supposed to do now. How did he come to this? He had always been so certain of what he had to do, he didn't know how to cope with this uncertainty... and confusion.
Heero felt someone walk past him and pull out a chair then sit down at the table. He opened his eyes, knowing beforehand who he'd see. He dropped his hands limply on the table, keeping them slightly open and kept his eyes steadily locked on the teal green eyes burning out of the tense white face.
After a long moment, Quatre stirred and held out his hand and Heero stared at it blankly, before dropping his eyes to the smooth black surface of the table. He heard a small hiss of breath then saw Quatre's white hand close over his own and stayed frozen, waiting silently until the hand slowly pulled away again. He felt his vision blurring a little as hot tears burned the corners of his eyes and kept his eyes locked on the empty surface of the table, his breath starting to get a little laboured as his body protested against the intense wave of emotion that swept over him.
Heero pulled his eyes up reluctantly when he felt a hand land on his shoulder and saw that Quatre had left his seat and were now standing over him.
'So here we are.'
Quatre spoke calmly, almost matter of fact, though the tightness of his voice and the way his fingers dug into Heero's shoulder revealed the stress that he was under.
Heero stood up and looked up at Quatre with sad eyes. He heard his voice tremble slightly and crack as he spoke, a burning sensation in the pit of his stomach.
'Don't.' Heero lifted a protesting hand as Quatre grabbed his shoulders harshly. 'Please just...'
He stopped as Quatre pulled him in tightly and pressed his burning lips on his, his eyes closing with despair as hot tears trickled down the sides of his face. Heero felt his heart start to pound faster as his body remembered the taste of Quatre's mouth and the pleasure of being held and kissed by this man and responded automatically.
Quatre opened his eyes at last, reluctantly releasing Heero from his kiss, loosening his hold. but keeping his hands lightly touching the narrow waist, making it clear that Heero could break from their embrace if he wanted to.
Heero raised a hand and cupped the face that looked down at him, clear tears pooling in his eyes. As Quatre sighed gently and leaned in to the caressing hand, hot tears welled in Heero's eyes and dropped thickly from his eyes, rolling slowly down his cheek, to plop silently on the waiting floor.
'You still taste the same.' Quatre smiled bitterly as he spoke lightly, reaching out to brush the thick hair from Heero's face and dropping the hand to his cheeks where he used his thumb to wipe the wetness from the chilled face.
He stepped back a little and rummaged in his pocket, producing a handkerchief, passing it to Heero wordlessly. Then he returned to his seat and poured himself a glass of cold water from the jug.
'So.'
Quatre clenched his fists as he looked at Heero who stood immobile, the handkerchief held tightly in his hand and felt his mouth thinning into a harsh line.
Quatre looked down and stared at his hands, seeing the way they trembled as he reached for the glass and started to raise it to his drying mouth. Then all of a sudden he threw the glass with all his might at the wall behind Heero, where it shattered, sprinkling the room into tiny glittering pieces of glass. A cold numbness crept up Quatre's body as he sat there, feeling his hands and feet turn into blocks of ice.
'What the hell do you want from me?' Quatre asked at last, laughing harshly. 'You tell me that you are leaving me. Over the phone for Christ's sake. Then I find you with Duo. And now here we are. Back together again. Except... you don't have anything to say to me since we left Earth. You haven't let me near you.'
Quatre bit his lips hard as he saw Heero slowly wipe his face with his hand, the handkerchief still unused in the other. 'Damn it. Sit down Heero and talk to me. I deserve that much.'
'Yes.' Heero nodded quietly as he returned to his chair. 'You're right. We need to talk.'
Quatre felt a sudden twisting fear in his guts as he looked at Heero who had stopped crying. He recognised the stubborn look in those beautiful eyes. Last time he had seen it, it had been directed at someone else.
Quatre was afraid, no terrified, that he was going to lose him, that Heero was going to tell him that he didn't love him. Worse, that he never stopped loving Duo. Quatre swallowed hard. He knew that whatever happened, he wasn't going to let Heero leave him again.
'We want you to help us.'
Quatre started boldly, startling Heero as he suddenly changed the topic. 'We want you to be a Titan. I think that you might be able to to use the spare Zeta unit, at least as effectively as Camille, even if you hadn't been through this so called Newtype enhancement that Doctor Ikari developed at Epsilon. It was based on the Unit One design after all.'
Heero blinked a little, taken back by Quatre's proposal. He hesitated, trying to sort out his churning emotions.
He folded his hands together and thought about what Trowa had told him about the Titans. He knew that Trowa believed that absolute peace was an impossible dream, and that the only way to ensure true freedom was by making sure that the no one power were allowed to hold absolute domination.
He hadn't expected Quatre to become one of the Titans though and wasn't sure how he felt about being asked to join them. Heero thought about Duo and knew that if he stayed with the Titans, he would probably end up fighting against him some day.
'I... I'm not sure.' Heero said at last. 'I don't know if I can be a soldier anymore. I...'
Heero jumped a little as Quatre slammed his fist hard onto the tabletop, frowning with concern when he saw the skin of Quatre's hand break a little and bleed on impact.
'It's time to stop running Heero.'
Quatre said at last, forcing his words past clenched teeth. 'Open your eyes and look around you. There is another war brewing. As long as we have ambitious men like Nokoru Imonoyama, we will always have war. Whether you participate or not, people are going to die. You are a person with great ability. You have a responsibility to use those abilities. To...'
'To kill. Again.' Heero completed Quatre's words, flatly, his eyes hardening coldly. 'That's what you want me to do? To become a killer again? That's what a soldier is Quatre. A killer. No matter how hard we try to justify what we do, by talking about how we're fighting for what we believe in, that's what we were. Killers. I hated that life. I don't ever want to close my eyes and see the faces of those that I killed in my sleep. Not ever again. Don't ask this of me, Quatre. Not you.'
'I don't have a choice.' Quatre answered coldly, 'we need you too badly. And I want you too much to let you go. I don't care what I have to do, as long as you stay at my side. Can you tell me that you can walk away from me, from this? Heero. The UFC and the Imperium are going to fight each other again and this time, how many others are going to die because of their greed for power? Remember Texas Colony? We went there last year for a holiday? Do you remember the beautiful flowers in the Botanical Gardens? And those little kids who were playing around the fountains? They are all dead. All crumbled to dust. Can you honest tell me that you aren't going to try to do something, anything to prevent that from happening again? Heero.'
Quatre got up and walked over to the silent man who dropped his eyes, gently tipping the lovely face up and pushing the heavy hair away from the brow. He dropped a soft kiss on the pale forehead, and cradled the head against his chest as he rested his chin lightly on top of the thick silken brown hair.
'Please... help us. I need you.'
Heero closed his eyes and leaned his head against Quatre's chest, breathing in the familiar scent of his cologne. He slowly lifted his arms and closed them around the smooth neck and stopped. Time seemed to slow to a crawl as he stayed locked in Quatre's embrace. He didn't know what to do or say, he was so tired of struggling, tired of the pain and the regrets. After a long moment, Heero dropped his arms from Quatre's neck and used them instead to gently push him away.
He knew that he was making yet another mistake, adding one more regret to a string of regrets, but he didn't have any other choice. He had to do what he knew was the right thing to do. He looked up at Quatre and nodded.
'All right Quatre. I'm in. Tell me what you want me to do.'
Quatre felt chilled by the light coat of cold sweat that broke out on his body as he sagged slightly from relief. He knew he had been right to agree to enlist Heero for the Titans, despite Trowa's misgivings. He hadn't wanted to drag Heero into this but Duo hadn't left him any other choice. And he knew that Heero was the only other pilot capable of piloting the Zeta Gundam. The damned thing had turned out to be even more impossible to use than the wretched Wing Zero.
He and Trowa had both tried and failed, though in his own case, he wasn't too sure whether it was because his mind had rejected being hooked up to something that was so like the Zero system again. As for Duo, he had decided a long time ago that the only way he would ever be free of the tenacious man, is if he no longer existed. The only trick would be in making sure that Heero never found out that he had anything to do with Duo's permanent erasure. Quatre looked at Heero and had to repress the urge to just gather him up into his arms. He knew that he would have to be patient once again. 'Quatre?' Heero was looking at him with slightly puzzled eyes.
'Camille Vidan will be piloting Zeta II and we want you in Zeta I. He's more experienced with the Zeta but you've got far more experience as a combat pilot. So we want you to start training with Camille, so that you can help each other and learn to work as a team. Based on what Camille and Ikari told us about the NuGundam's capabilities and Amuro Rey, it might be difficult to beat him if you run into him unless the two of you are completely in sync with each other. We don't know where they are since they've disappeared after we hit Epsilon, along with Duo and Wufei.'
He added reluctantly, noticing the tension in Heero's face when he heard Duo's name. 'We need you to start training as soon as possible.' He continued brusquely, deciding not to mention Duo's name if he could possibly help it.
Heero stared blankly at Quatre at first then nodded compliantly.
'When do you want me to start?'
Quatre grinned weakly.
'Is today too soon?'
Side Seven
Inside the main hanger of Pegasus (Class Five Battlecruiser),
'I don't need some old has been to teach me anything.'
Camille glared mutinously at the tall red-haired man, he had never liked the quiet man from the start and now here he was telling him that he was going to have to learn from Heero, someone who had never been in the Zeta, let alone know how to use its special OS that allowed the pilot to link directly with the machine, as though it was a part of his own body.
'Heero has agreed to work with you Camille, so I want you to show him respect. You are far too reckless and your movements aren't very efficient. Look carefully at the recordings we made of your last test flight and you'll see that there's been too much energy depletion for the manoeuvres you were performing. In a fight, every bit of energy can make a difference. You are going to have to practice a lot harder. And since he's only twenty-five, you can hardly call him an old anything.'
Camille pouted sullenly as Captain Noa joined them. That's what he hated the most about Trowa. He had a way of getting Camille into even more trouble, just by not yelling at him. Trowa would just stand there looking dignified and someone else would come along and do the yelling for him. He had never liked Director Maxwell and had been highly delighted when Amuro had crisp fried Director Chang.
Now that he had met the rest of the Gundam pilots, Camille thought that their piloting skills had been highly overrated. In his opinion, each Gundam pilot was more stuck up than the other, but he thought that Trowa was probably the worst of the lot. He didn't trust the sweet-faced blond, Quatre what's his name either. And he wanted to prove that he was better than them, he didn't want to take lessons from Heero. He knew that he was better than Amuro and that his Zeta could outfly and outfight that NuGundam any day. Camille couldn't understand why Ikari always made such a fuss about Amuro.
'He hasn't been in a Gundam in years.' Camille wrinkled his nose in disgust as he clenched his fists at his side, determined not to give up without a fight. 'Just because he was famous a long time ago, it doesn't mean that he's any good now. Look at what happened when Trowa and Quatre got in my Zeta. They were hopeless.'
Brite felt his lips twitch a little as he stared down at the insolent child, amused by the way he threw himself body and soul against any opponent with reckless courage. He placed his hands on his hips and adopted a stern voice, determined to teach this wild wayward child that he had to learn to accept the commands of his elders.
'First, Quatre wasn't hopeless. It took him less than five minutes to destroy all his targets. The only problem was that he then turned his guns on you. While I might understand the temptation,' Brite allowed a brief grin to sneak past him, noticing the answering indignant spark in Camille's ink blue eyes. 'Quatre did admit that he wasn't trying to kill you on purpose. Still, as long as we can't trust him to control himself in the Zeta, he's out. And as for Trowa...'
He shrugged casually and turned to the taller man at his side. 'Shall I explain or do you want to?'
Trowa thought a little then decided that it would be best if he answered.
'I'll explain.' He said coolly. 'When I activated the OS in the Zeta, I blacked out. I couldn't remember anything that I did while I was inside. Since we have no idea who or what was in charge when I was inside the Zeta, I suggested to Brite that while I didn't do anything unusual, it was probably best if we didn't take any chances. Heero was the only Gundam pilot who could consistently use the Wing Zero, and still retain some control. So we're betting that he might be able to use the OS of Zeta. Your Doctor Ikari agreed with us and said that a lot of your training was based on information files on Heero that Duo retrieved after Doctor J's death.'
'So what else did Doctor Ikari tell you about me?'
Trowa whirled around when he heard the familiar voice ring out clearly and cursed under his breath when he saw Heero staring angrily at the three of them, while Quatre held onto his arm warningly.
'Heero.' Trowa muttered at last. 'We weren't expecting you just yet.'
He looked at the handsome blond man hovering at Heero's side and saw that things weren't back to normal between the two of them. He wondered if it ever would. He knew that Quatre was determined to win Heero back but he wasn't sure if pulling him back into war was the way. He had argued against asking Heero to join the Titans because he knew that Heero had wanted desperately to be free of the ghosts of his past. He was afraid of what having to become a soldier again would do to Heero. But Quatre was right. They needed him too badly.
'Thank you for coming so quickly.'
The three Gundam pilots turned in silent unison as Brite spoke up and the dark haired captain looked a little taken back at first but decided to press on. He gestured for Camille to come closer and rested his hand firmly on the young boy's shoulder as he presented him to Heero.
'I believe you've already met Camille. We were just talking about how you and he would work together in the Zetas.' Brite pressed his hand down, keeping Camille silent when the boy jerked under his hold at the last part of his speech. 'I'm sure Quatre has already told you that when he and Trowa attempted to link with the Zeta's OS, there were some... side effects. According to both Quatre and Doctor Ikari, the designer of the OS, there is a possibility that these side effects may be linked to what happened when he used the Zero system. So..'
'So you want me to climb into a Zeta and see if I can operate the Gundam without going crazy.' Heero spoke dryly, his eyes sweeping the four sets of eyes around him. He looked up at the tall black and blue Gundam above him and licked his lips nervously as he remembered what it had been like to pilot Wing Zero. He looked back and stared searchingly at the angry boy in Brite's grasp, then held out a hand to him casually.
'Why don't you show me what Zeta II can do? I'll join you outside in Zeta I.'
Camille's dark blue eyes glittered with excitement, a wide grin spreading over his face as he shook Heero's hand enthusiastically.
'You're on, Oldtimer.'
Heero winced a little and disengaged his hand politely. He started to walk towards the waiting Zeta and tossed back a retort over his shoulder.
'If you don't want me to starting calling you baby, Camille-kun,' he deliberately emphasized the last word, 'then I suggest that we get used to calling each other by name. I'm Heero.'
'Okay Heero.' Camille giggled as he broke into a run, lightly slapping Heero on his shoulder as he passed him and waved when he reached the foot of Zeta II. 'Race you outside.'
Heero grinned a little, then suddenly jumped up, the lower gravity field allowing him to glide smoothly towards the open cockpit and somersaulted into the waiting chair. Then he waved back at Camille who was staring at him, open mouthed from the foot of his Zeta and called out 'You're on,' even as the hatch started to swing shut.
Camilled stared at the smooth surface of the hatch for a little longer then quickly jumped on the lift and made his way into his own Zeta, confident that Heero's lack of experience or knowledge of the OS system would slow down the start up process.
Brite dragged his hand through his thick black wavy hair, a nervous habit that betrayed his concern about the wisdom of relying the two pilots, one, a rebellious child, the other, with uncertain loyalties.
Quatre suppressed a chuckle as he winked at Trowa who merely smiled indulgently as they stared at the two identical Gundams in front of them.
'Would you like to take a bet on who gets out there first, Captain Noa?'
Brite jumped involuntarily, automatically snapping to attention as he recognised the voice of the lightning count coming from behind him. Zechs had refused to even try the Zeta, explaining that he would prefer to stay with the Tallgeese, even though technically, the Zeta offered greater length of operational time and superior firepower. And Brite's secret hopes had been crushed when neither Quatre nor Trowa had turned out to be viable as pilots of the stolen Zeta.
It had been Zechs who first suggested asking Heero and to Brite's surprise, the person who most objected had been Trowa, not Quatre as he had expected, given what little he knew of the blond's feelings for the pretty Japanese pilot. And now, they had to wait and see if their gamble would work.
'I'm more interested in knowing if he's going to be able to maintain control.' Brite muttered under his breath as he stared at the imposing figure of the Zeta Gundam.
'Lets go to the main bridge and wait for them to finish powering up.' He spoke briskly as he ushered the three men into the lift. He looked anxiously at Quatre who smiled confidently at him. 'I just hope you're right about this. Because if you're wrong... I don't know if we can stop him.'
Quatre shrugged carelessly, patting the edgy Captain's shoulder reassuringly.
'He's Heero. I know he can control the Zeta.'
He exchanged silent glances with Trowa who nodded firmly in agreement. Brite looked at the two Gundam pilots and envied the way they believed in each other. For one brief instant, as they exchanged their silent communication, he had felt like a distinct outsider.
Zechs folded his arms and leaned against the lift's wall, although Brite hadn't said anything out loud, he knew exactly how the young Captain was feeling just then. The Gundam pilots had a way of locking others out of their small exclusive little group. Except now, they were fighting amongst themselves. Zechs was worried about the feud between Quatre and Duo. He knew that Duo would never forgive Quatre, or any of them, for putting Heero in another Gundam or for convincing him to join the Titans.
End Part 7
Katana
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