31-May-2001
Title: Thorns
Author: Kimmie (JaenKaeGW@hotmail.com)
Archive: GW Addiction
Category: het, yaoi, shonen ai, POV, angst
Pairings: 5+Meilan, 13x5, 5+2
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, I mean no harm, I have no money... Stuff like that. Yeah.
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: None.
Spoilers: None.
Notes: This one came out of nowhere. If anywhere, left field where they stick all the bad players in softball, so they pluck grass and small flowers and sit down during the game. *Proud to say she played right field, then moved to center field, then shortstop, and played at catcher for a while, and had the highest batting average in the league.* Enjoy if you can. Wufei POV.
I turn my head to the side and lay it on my knees. I should be used to this by now. Once you kill off a few thousand people, what's one more? But, it's more than that. I've killed everyone that I've ever loved. Meilan... gone because I was too busy studying to become something I only wanted to be because she told me I was stupid. My colony... gone because I was too busy being stupid to fight. Treize... gone because I was too busy fighting. There have been others, but they never touched my heart the way those had.
I find it horrid that I was forced into marriage by my family with a girl I despised. Funny, but... being married to her, it made me begin to really learn things about her. We had to put on facades in front of the others, and it was when we were through with them, when everyone else was out the door, and she dropped the mask she chose to wear, that I began to see who she really was. She was strong, beautiful, intelligent, and too young to be married, pregnant... and dying in a mobile suit. A few people knew that she was with my child. The disgusting thing is that we were forced into having sex. We were... watched. Taped. Blood and seminal fluid staining the sheets, displayed by our parents with pride. Her screams and tears staining my mind. My own excitement that had been laced with fear and disgust overwhelming as I immediately ran to the bathroom to rid myself of my lunch as soon as the act was over. She just lay there and cried for hours. I forced myself to be at her side. Suddenly, she just stopped. Wiped her eyes, took a deep breath, nodded to me slowly, and dragged herself into the shower. When she'd come out again, she'd dressed herself without a word and went to make dinner. Neither of us ate much that night. Between our own feelings and the constant influx of visitors offering congratulations because of the awful symbol of it all that was nailed to the tree in our front yard. Even that night, we slept in that same bed, and she let me hold her and apologize, but she didn't speak a word. As soon as she was asleep, I snuck out into the front yard and tore down the sheets. I burned them. I gagged at the smell of the burning blood, but just turned my head. She hadn't spoken for weeks after that, and I never did more than hold her as we fell asleep, trying to assure her with my contact. Then, one day, she came home and told me, "I'm pregnant." That was it. I'd looked up from my book, pushed my reading glasses back up my nose, and nodded. "Our families will be proud." It took me a minute before I noticed the look on her face. "*I* will be proud." She'd smiled softly and run out of the house. It was only a few days later that she ran off to save our colony, and I barely tried to stop her.
The colony was killed shortly after she was.
After her death, I found myself wanting to avenge her and my child which hadn't even grown into much of anything at the end of its life.
I moved on, though. I didn't forget, but I moved on. I joined the war effort and began to use a mobile suit, the very thing she had died in. But, my mobile suit was something special. It was made of Gundanium alloy, and I named it after her. She'd called herself Nataku after the Chinese mythological hero who had no soul and took on the body of a human.
She did have a soul, though. I tried to remember it for her. I took on all of her ideals of right and wrong and made them live. I tried to live through her despite her death. Perhaps one day I'll revise those ideals, but, for now, they serve my purpose.
My purpose after that was a big one: save the world. It was in that that I met Treize. He was the general of OZ, the Organization of the Zodiac, and probably my biggest enemy during the war. It was made clear to me that he was one of the bad guys and that, if I saw him, I should kill him. But, in my first meeting with that abominably beautiful man, Treize Khushrenada, I couldn't kill him. For one, I couldn't get close enough to him with a sword to do any damage. And, it wouldn't have been fair to take him out in my Gundam when he was calmly walking around in his office on board a ship.
They say pictures are worth a thousand words, and the really good ones take two thousand. But, that man... one glimpse is a million words and one actual look is a lifetime of speaking. No picture could have prepared me for the beauty I would see in him from that very moment.
Some time later, I found myself on a mission in which I was supposed to take out a known OZ troublemaker. And, he had been in bed with Treize at the time. I opened the door to the room, shot a naked man who was carrying two glasses of sherry, and I had turned to leave and saw him, naked and raising one of those aristocratic eyebrows at me. He whispered into the air, "Now, was that really necessary?" Somehow, I fell into bed with him. It seemed like an apology. 'I'm sorry I shot the guy you were about to fuck. Can I take his place, pretty please?'
I was pathetic. But, that night, I was the one to bleed. And, I loved every minute of it. Every thrusting moment, every drip of sweat off of his brow onto my chest was worth all the pain, all the blood... almost worth the war to me.
I kept going back to him. I couldn't bring myself to kill him. You don't kill people you love. At least, that's what I thought at the time. Now I know that if you love too much, or love too little, you *do* kill with your love. I just have the ability to kill their bodies along with their hearts.
In one of the final battles, I found myself facing off against him. He... he wanted to die. I was sure of it. His mobile suit should have been able to withstand what my Gundam gave him, but it didn't work. One hit, and he was gone. And, it was all my fault. And, his final words weren't even for me, but for his best friend... maybe his former lover.
I killed my wife, my child, my colony, and my first real lover.
Now, I feel like I'm killing me. I'm trying to move on. Because, there's someone here who knows what its like to be the cause of death for everyone they love. My friend, my new lover, my killer, Duo.
I can only hope that as long as we're together, we keep our murdering love away from others and only kill each other. At least, then, everyone else would be safe.
I still have to kill people. It's my job. But, most of them deserve it, now. Most of... not all. And, that's why I'm crying into my pant legs. If I'm lucky, all of the mascara from my mission earlier today (I had to be a drag queen for *four* hours) is gone, or at least will come off when I throw these pants in the wash.
And, maybe Duo will come over and we'll have tea and watch a movie. If we kill each other slowly enough, maybe we'll never notice.
Owari. -__-
Jenny&Kimmie
Please send comments to: JaenKaeGW@hotmail.com