04-Mar-2001
Title: Adventures In Poetry
Author: Kimmie (JaenKaeGW@hotmail.com)
Archive: GW Addiction.
Category: silliness, fluff, humour, implied shonen ai, poetry
Pairings: implied 1+2 and 3+4
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, I mean no harm, I have no money... Stuff like that. Yeah.
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: A tiny bit of language, and "adult situation" material.
Spoilers: None.
Notes: I realized that I haven't actually finished anything in a few days here and you all deserved to see something new from me, even if it is something like this. The poems were all pre-written by me, though I've modified most of them a bit. Enjoy.
"There once was a little girl
and her name was Pearl.
She came from Nantucket
and carried a bucket.
With cheesecloth she walked
and the cheddars that be
decided that limburger
was no better than brie.
"Monty Jack he was called
and, gee, he was bald.
He mixed well with salsa
when he was in Malta.
Radiation made him a topping
for deadly nachos.
And, nobody ate
their gazpacho.
"Gouda, gouda,
wanted 'moo'-la
but American said,
'Go lie on bread.'
Extra sharp white
fell on popcorn,
now the bleu cheese
feels forlorn.
"Under Cheese Whiz,
with cracker bits,
we slice united
(the knive's excited).
Cheese in a can
makes the world go 'round
so buy your cheese
by the pound."
Duo finished his dramatic reading of his poem for the English class he was in. "So, Ms. Mackie, how was it?"
The class teacher, a curly-haired young woman named Erin, merely smiled. "Wonderful, Duo. Now, take your seat. Wufei? Would you like to go next?"
Wufei frowned. "Not particularly. However, I would like to get this over with. Everyone, shut up until I'm done, and then you can laugh."
Clearing his throat, Wufei began to speak with a strong Northeastern American accent.
"A man named Ollie Walla
found that he had too much slobba.
He had a wife named Anna
who really loved the piana...
yet, unless she ate a banana,
all she could play was the 'Star Spangled Banna'.
"Then, one day, the piano went dry
and, oh, how Anna began to cry.
'Woe is me,' cried the lady, Anna,
over the malfunction of the piana,
and she'd just eaten a banana
so she wouldn't play the 'Star Spangled Banna'.
"So, Ollie Walla wet his lips
and gave those piana strings a kiss.
Then, he told his lovely Anna
how he had fixed her piana
and he'd buy her another banana
if, one last time, she's play the 'Star Spangled Banna'.
"Anna set up, in his car,
a little spit-collecting jar
for Ollie to keep under his lip
so he could help the piana if he began to drip.
Ollie filled it every day
and rushed it home without delay
and now, you know, to this very day,
the 'Star Spangled Banna' is all Anna can play."
After a short pause, the room erupted into uproarious laughter, more over Wufei's voice than the poem. Yet, since the assignment had only been to write an amusing poem, he felt that the laughing was justified enough, and he took his seat.
Ms. Mackie finally stopped hyperventilating, and called on Trowa to go next. Trowa stepped to the front of the room, then angled his body so that only Quatre was able to see more of his face than a shock of hair. Trowa began to speak in a soft, but strong, voice.
"Oh dust, oh dust,
I sneeze, I must,
for rolling filth
and bunny kilts,
with tumbleweed
and tumble wide
and a ketchup bottle
by my side.
"Daintily you fly,
darkening the sky,
stirred from your sleep
to go land on sheep.
If you see a monkey
with a shiny behind,
land on him swiftly,
if only to be kind.
"You enter my nose,
so I don't hold it closed.
My nose hair attracts you.
Wanna touch it?: Ask to.
Oh boogerlings which I
must never pass on...
Will you join me here
as this dust I do snack on?
"Mix you with water,
save you from slaughter.
Tickle you silly,
give you a wet willy.
All so that I can inhale
in a moment,
Dusty horizons.
Didn't you know it?"
Quatre giggled maniacally, but the rest of the room elicited cricket chirps of confusion and ponderment. "Very nice job, Trowa. I'm not quite sure I understand it, but, perhaps that's best. Quatre, you seemed to enjoy that one. Would you like to go next?" Ms. Mackie asked.
Grinning brightly, Quatre nodded and skipped to the front of the room, beginning to read in a voice that wouldn't be out of place in a Shakespearian theatre.
"Post-it notes, baby.
How I love thee.
You made me remember
my appointment at three.
You showed me a number
and an address,
but, for a moment
I was scared, I confess.
"Were you the one
I was looking for?
What was I playing
that on you I took score?
Why did I write down
lima beans twice?
(You know how I feel,
they're as bad as lice.)
"Flintstones vitamins,
did I get you?
How 'bout that shoe polish,
or was it glue?
Did I remember
the applesauce?
If I forgot the cabbage,
was it such a big loss?
"You help me remember.
I make me forget.
Those times without you
I do regret.
Come, stay with me now.
Remind me of things.
Oh, Post-it notes,
the memories you bring."
Duo blinked. "So, that's how he does it." Heero could barely hear him over the laughter, and he ignored the comment anyway. He knew that he would be next. Everyone else had read their poems. And, none of them had poems quite like his.
"Heero?" He winced, but he inwardly smiled at the fact that he had been correct. Not answering, he merely stalked to the front of the room, holding a copy of his poem in front of him. He cleared his throat, and wiped his palms on his spandex, trying to swallow the knot of fear that was forming in his throat. Finally, he just began, in his normal monotone, relaxing as he spoke.
"It's a hunka, hunka burning paint
from after that horrendous date.
You picked up someone named after a jewel
and showed you were a fool.
"You were driving along the way...
Saw her dress, up her leg, stray.
She held out her thumb for a ride.
You opened the door, she stepped inside.
"It wasn't long until you saw 1st Ave.
and thought of what you'd like to have.
You slipped her some tongue and a twenty,
then said, 'Something for the money?'
"You rounded Stupid's Curve with a grin
and then, as if on a whim...
lifted the dress of that nightly chick
and came face to face with 'her' dick.
"And so, ladies, gentlemen, twits..
I hope you've learned something from this.
Never trust a lady with a five o'clock shadow,
or your car might go kersplat-o."
Ms. Mackie sweatdropped, face vaulted, nosebled, then collapsed into a heap on the floor, giggled while one eye twitched. Heero nodded and took his seat.
Duo poked his shoulder. "Hey, Heero... personal experience or something?" He backed off when he felt the gun pressed to his temple. "Okay, Heero, I'll back off. Uh huh. Sure."
They all walked out of the class with hundreds that day.
Owari. ^__~
Jenny&Kimmie
Please send comments to: JaenKaeGW@hotmail.com