02-Sep-2003
Title: Maxwell's Law
Author: Kimmie (JaenKaeGW@hotmail.com)
Archive: GW Addiction
Category: shonen ai, angst
Pairings: 1+2, 2+5, 1+5
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, I mean no harm, I have no money... Stuff like that. Yeah.
Rating: PG
Warnings: None.
Spoilers: None.
Notes: This is for GWA's 2003 Angst contest. It changed very drastically from its original incarnation as I was writing it. Here's hoping you like it, though. It's not extreme angst, but I don't do extreme angst well as it is.
"I don't love him."
"That doesn't matter. It will always look as though you do. And I'll always feel the way I do."
"How do you feel about me?"
"I think you're fickle."
When dawn is falling haphazardly over a first cup of coffee, one can never be certain how the day will go. Sometimes, the worst mornings can quickly become the best days. Other times, no matter how good the first cup of coffee... the day is destined to remain etched in trecherous memory, to be recalled only during the worst of times. It was Maxwell's Law; Duo Maxwell's Law, that is.
Maxwell's Law states that any day has the potential to be inversely proportionate in infinitely many ways to the state of the sunrise and the condition of one's first cup of coffee. It was this law that often had Duo Maxwell sleeping late and drinking water, soda, lemonade, or even tea. On Monday mornings, it was hard to avoid the tell-tale combination, but only because Quatre had a tendency to serve a great breakfast and was really good about scheduling and strategy. Over cheese blintzes, or waffles, or bacon and eggs and a cup of Quatre's famous eye-opener coffee, Duo and his comrades discussed their previous missions, talked about strategy for events quickly approaching, and generally prepared themselves for another week of spying, fighting and generally working toward winning the war.
For approximately 12 days now, Duo had been waking up early in the morning. Heero was on a mission, and Duo always woke up briefly to see him. (It always tended to be just after Heero had showered, and was still toweling himself off, but Duo didn't mind in the least.) Without him there, it was a bit hard to get back to sleep. So, Duo would get up, and have his cup of coffee, and the day would be ineffably awful, unless the coffee was really bad. Let it be said that Duo Maxwell considered himself an accomplished coffee maker and would not give up this pride even for the sake of a good day.
It was always tense around headquarters. When on guard duty, someone was always watching you. If not on guard duty, one was supposed to do something constructive with oneself while managing to observe the guards. Duo had taken to building monuments with dominoes and playing cards and looking longingly outside for Heero who always seemed to be just out of his view at the window. When Wufei asked him what in the world he kept randomly jumping out of his seat to look out the window at, Duo answered that he was certain a flock of crows were attempting to take over the front yard. "Perhaps you should run out there, Wufei. You know, like a scarecrow!" would be the only line Duo would likely ever remember from the conversation. After all, the mental image of Wufei with straw hanging out of his ears and running with a wooden pole on his back was a bit much even for Duo to handle.
When Heero returned three days later with a bloody gash on his shoulder and a bruise which took up half of his face, Duo had happened to jump up to see him coming. He stayed standing. Wufei came by, took note of the commotion, and even made mention to Duo, "You never jump to your feet when I come back wounded."
Duo felt properly chided, and wondered why Wufei thought it mattered. While Duo found Heero attractive, and even considered him a friend, he still found him suicidal to the nth degree and knew that regardless of Heero's preferences, they couldn't ever form a relationship beyond being war buddies. But, so far as war buddies went, Heero wasn't half bad. He was, at the very least, a competent listener. Or, at least, he stayed in one place while Duo talked. It was a pleasant change from the way other people tended to treat him.
When Heero returned from his latest mission, in addition to the bloody gash and the bruise, he also brought home a nice case of pneumonia. He could care for himself quite nicely, and did, surprisingly, know when and how to ask for help. However, with his coughing, Duo had no chance of getting any sleep. After the first night with Heero back, Duo took to sleeping on the couch. He still woke up quite early when Heero would normally be drying off. However, the act he got to see as he awoke now was Wufei propping his slippered feet up on a beat-up ottoman and flicking his newspaper open as he sipped at a mug of coffee. Duo would read the headlines on the front page, wonder if Heero was awake yet, and fall back to sleep.
Three days in to Duo's stint on the couch, just as Duo had finished reading the second headline, Wufei asked, "Would you like a cup of coffee?"
Duo struggled to sit up. He might as well wake up. "Sure."
Nodding, Wufei set his paper down and padded into the kitchen, returning with two mugs of coffee. He'd refilled his own mug, and prepared one for Duo. "Cream, one sugar, wasn't it, Maxwell?"
Duo smiled and accepted the warm mug. "Yeah. Thanks." He took a sip of the coffee, and raised an eyebrow slightly. He took another sip, then leaned back against the couch. The coffee was, for lack of a better word, decent. It was not bad, nor was it particularly good. Duo and Wufei sat in relative silence, alternately reading, and staring at the mantlepiece.
Somehow, the day turned out okay.
The next morning, Duo woke up slightly earlier and made his way to the kitchen before Wufei could make the coffee. He brewed a pot of his own and made up two mugs. He had one ready for Wufei (two sugars, no cream) when he retreived the paper from the front porch, and grinned widely when Wufei complimented him on it.
Somehow, that day turned out okay, too.
Inexplicably, the days seemed to get better and better as Duo became even better at brewing an early morning pot of coffee. It went against Maxwell's Law to a high degree, but Duo was never bothered by the state of the sunrise when waking up in those conditions. The lower floor of the house had no windows on the east side.
As Duo's coffee-making skills improved, so did Wufei's conversation skills. They would begin the day with Wufei complimenting the day's coffee, and then the conversation would turn. Sometimes, they talked about the day's news. Other times, they would get into long discussions about the possibilities and limitations of time travel. Philosophy and religion were popular topics as well.
During a discussion of public education versus home schooling and/or tutoring, Duo had brought Heero's name up. He refused to make that mistake again. While Wufei always wore a hard expression, it never seemed as steely as it had at that moment.
The following Monday, over fresh fruit, muffins and coffee (which Wufei had entreated that Duo make, rather than Quatre), Heero announced that he had managed to make it through the night without coughing and thought he would be ready to partake in missions again within the week. Duo felt somewhat disheartened by this, but couldn't quite figure out why. He knew that if he wanted to continue his early morning chats with Wufei, it wouldn't be difficult.
And, yet, things seemed to prove immensely difficult for Duo the next day.
When Duo woke up, he went to make coffee, and found Wufei already there. "Wufei?"
Wufei looked up from putting the coffee into the filter. "Duo? I thought you would have gone back to your room with Heero already."
Duo blinked. "I hadn't thought about it, really."
Wufei's only reply was "Oh," as he proceeded to fill the coffee maker.
It was the worst cup of coffee, and the most tense conversation, that Duo had ever had. Both were bitter, it seemed. The coffee could be explained away easily enough. The conversation, however, had Duo wondering just how Wufei felt about him. And, as he pondered that, Duo began to wonder how he felt about Wufei. The answer did not lay in the conversation or the coffee.
It was later that day, however, that made Duo consider digging a hole and burying himself.
Heero approached Duo shortly before Duo was planning to get ready for bed and asked him, "Aren't you going to come back to our room?"
Though Wufei had made mention of it, Duo hadn't stopped to think about it. He had other things on his mind, so he quickly formulated an excuse. "Not yet, Heero. People usually snore for a while after bronchial infections. I like my sleep."
Heero's gaze went dark. "You never seemed to mind being awake when I was getting dressed in the morning." He turned, and walked away, locking the door to his room behind him. However, Duo only knew from the sound. He hadn't bothered to check.
The next morning, Wufei had made tea. It was a welcome change to Duo, but Wufei was still not treating him as he had for a glorious little while. Things were back to some semblance of normal, but they hadn't quite reached it yet.
Maxwell's Law seemed to have mutated. It now seemed to state that anything that could, in any way, make Duo Maxwell's day a good day was no longer allowed to continue, or must have some equal but opposite force working against it.
Somehow, Duo seemed stuck between Heero and Wufei. He wasn't sure why. They were not unpleasant to each other in the slightest. In fact, they seemed very friendly at times. But, Heero was cool to Duo and Wufei never seemed to want to talk anymore.
This wasn't how Duo wanted it, but he also wasn't quite sure he could change things for the better. His best bet, it seemed, was time. Unfortunately, Duo always had bad luck with time.
Duo started to become obsessed with his feelings for Heero and Wufei. They were his comrades, his war buddies, his best friends, his confidantes. Yet, they were both more than that. Heero was the one he wanted to keep in his bed. Wufei was the one he wanted to keep on his couch. But, he wasn't even allowed a choice. It was not a matter of choosing anymore. It was a matter of convincing his friends of what he had decided.
Duo wanted to remain friends with Heero, but had decided that as nice as Heero's body was, he could do without. Wufei, on the other hand, was sounding like a very nice future.
When Duo first approached Wufei the next morning, he was nervous. Wufei's response to this could make or break a lot of things, it seemed. So, Duo shot from the heart and hoped he was aiming all right. "Wufei, I've found that these talks we have... I like them. I want them to continue..."
Wufei broke in at this point. "They may continue for as long as we are Gundam pilots, Duo."
Duo cleared his throat and continued. "No." He laughed nervously. "I mean, I want them to continue on forever, Wufei. I want more than just conversation. I... I don't know if you're aware, but I'm quite fond of men, and you're just... wow. You're a great person."
Pulling his tea bag from his mug, Wufei stood. "And what of Yuy? I know you've had your eye on him. Or, am I just second place?"
Shocked by Wufei's insight, Duo paused a moment to compile an answer. Wufei took his silence for something else and smiled tightly. "I have better things to do, Maxwell. It's a nice notion, but I don't think it will work."
"I don't love him." Duo set his own mug down.
"That doesn't matter. It will always look as though you do. And I'll always feel the way I do." Wufei took another padded step.
"How do you feel about me?" Duo asked bravely.
Wufei leaned against the kitchen door as he reached it. "I think you're fickle, Maxwell. But, you're attractive. I'm jealous of Yuy, but I'd only want you for my bed, an occasional thought-provoking conversation when you're not so hyper as you sometimes are, and for your coffee."
Duo picked his mug back up and took a quick gulp. "It could work between us. Really, it could. Heero's just a pretty face to me. You're... you're something else." His hands shook briefly, and he took another gulp of tea.
Wufei closed his eyes. "You can't even call me handsome and you say you want to be with me. There's flaw in your reason, Maxwell. Even Yuy has told me I'm beautiful."
Duo held his mug close, draining it of it's warmth. "He has? When?"
Wufei put his back to the kitchen door and leaned back, pushing it slowly open. "As he asked me to help him get over you." He smiled something mysterious. "This isn't a game. You can't throw your thoughts around for too long. You could have had something with Yuy. But, it's my turn. And, as much as I like you as a friend, I'm far more compatible with Yuy."
"What if I'd asked earlier?" Duo couldn't help but ask this as it felt as though an expert marksman had used his chest for target practice.
Wufei took a further step backward. "Honestly? I might have given it a try." He took yet another step backward, and Duo could swear he felt the difference in his soul. "Goodbye, Duo." He took a step off to one side and let the kitchen door close.
Duo sat still for a moment, looking into his mug. It wasn't a true goodbye, Duo knew. He would see Wufei many times again. They would still live together. They would eat breakfast with everyone else on Monday mornings. But, his chance was gone. And so, it seemed, were his good days.
Heero descended the stairs and approached Duo, then detoured to the kitchen door. "Is Wufei in here?" he asked.
Duo didn't answer, and didn't even look up. But, Heero went through the door. And, as soon as it swung shut, Duo heaved his mug at the door and sent pieces of cracked porcelain flying across the room with tea seeping into the wounds of the mug.
And, while Duo remembered the second part of Maxwell's Law which stated that everything must get better at the worst of times, as the days passed, Duo felt as though he was seeping through his own personal rock bottom. Heero and Wufei were sublimely happy. Heero's coffee was at least better than Wufei's, and his conversation was better, and he was more handsome. And, Duo was jealous. Heero was everything he had laid claim to, but to a higher degree. It was enough that it mattered. But, Heero now had what Duo wanted, and his days were not the bleak existence that Duo carried out.
And for as much as Duo wanted to hate Heero, and to hate Wufei, he found that he couldn't. Despite everything else, they were the only two people whom he really felt were his friends. It made things that much worse that he couldn't bring himself to talk to them.
But, perhaps his life had been decent for too long. Life isn't supposed to be great during a war when you're supposed to be fighting.
When Heero and Wufei asked Duo to move over to Wufei's old room so that they could have more room together, Duo was tempted to refuse. But, regardless, these were his friends.
It hurt to see them together, but it made for some really great sunrises and cups of coffee.
Owari. ;_;
Kimmie
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