04-Nov-2000
Teena was sitting snuggled into a chair, skimming a notebook. After a few minutes, she picked up a pencil and started jotting things down in the book. A moment later, she stopped and cursed.
"Where the hell is Trowa? I've got the other four all worked out, but I don't know what to do with bangboy!"
"Could you write to yourself? I'm trying to read," Treize complained. Teena gave him a raspberry. The ensuing argument was interrupted by the beeping of Teena's laptop. Teena put her notebook down and walked over to the computer, quickly checking her mail.
"Sorry, Treize, but you're gonna have to read something a little less appealing," Teena commented. She tapped a button on her ...watch, and spoke. "Fiction sign, guys. Let's go."
As Teena and Treize wandered over to gather their stuff, the other five showed up. With a swiftness coming from practice, everybody got together their favorites, and walked into the viewing room.
Duo and the Dolls by Kimmie
Teena: I just KNOW I'm going to regret this.
Duo: I don't play with dolls!
Heero: *whispers something*
Duo: *defensively* Blowups don't count, and that was a LONG time ago!
>Duo walked awkwardly over to Heero
Duo: Shit, we missed the sex!
Teena: Yeah, you're already walking funny.
Treize: A shame, really. Some authors are so prudish.
Teena: *snorts* She's not one of them. My avatar screened out the squick fics, and her normal lemons are too good to MST.
Treize: Oh.
>and said, "Hello, Heero. Can I kiss you?"
All: Since when is asking necessary?
>Heero headslammed him into the ground.
Duo: Itai! What the hell is THAT about?
Quatre: ...What's a headslam?
Teena: *grins* Well, if you take it the way it sounds, it's-mmph!
Heero: Uresai, hentai no baka.
Teena: *glares over his hand* Mmmiiwwwooooiii!
>"Baka! Go away!"
Heero: *blinks* I don't think I'd say that.
Treize: Artistic license?
Trowa: It has to be artistic for that.
Treize: Point taken.
>Duo jumped up.
Zechs: I didn't know you were into that sort of thing, Duo.
Teena/Heero: You have NO idea.
Duo: The fic doesn't mean it like THAT!
Quatre: *blushing* I don't believe you people.
Teena: Oh, for Shinigami's sake, I have SEEN what you keep in your closet, Quatre. Stop playing innocent.
Quatre: *blushes more*
>"But, Heero! I promise it'll feel good!"
Duo: *v-sign* Oh, yeah. Definitely.
Heero: *nods*
Teena: *grins*
>Heero relented. "Hn. One."
Teena: Good boy.
Heero: *dryly* Woof woof.
Teena: *laughs*
>Duo happily pressed his lips to Heero's, moving about quite a lot.
All: *watching the screen suspiciously*
Teena: I'm not sure I trust this. It seems too easy.
Others: *nod agreement*
>The kiss finished and Duo and Heero walked off to one side.
Zechs: *dryly* Wonder where THEY'RE off to.
Treize: *eyebrows go up* You have to ask?
Zechs: ...Not really.
>Trowa walked out to the center of the wooden floor beneath him.
Teena: He's been having sex with the floor?
Trowa: TEENA!
Teena: *defensively* Well, 'beneath him' is usually used in sex scenes! It's a reasonable assumption!
Trowa/Quatre: No, it's not!
>"Quatre? Little one? Where are you?"
Duo: *as Quatre* Beneath the floor. We were having a threesome, remember?
Trowa/Quatre: DUO!!
Teena: *laughs**high-fives Duo* Way to go!
Duo: *grins*
>A moment later, Quatre was next to him and before anyone could speak >further,
Quatre: Except for us, since we can pause the fic whenever we want.
>they were humping each other silly and kissing passionately, making >little moaning noises.
Trowa/Quatre: NANI?!?
Heero: I didn't know you two were into exhibitionism.
Trowa/Quatre: HEERO!
Trowa: You've been spending too much time with those hentais of yours.
Heero: *shrugs*
Teena/Duo: *glomp onto Heero* We're proud of you, koi!
>Once Trowa and Quatre were finished,
Treize: Are there any synonyms for finished that AREN'T euphemisms for orgasm?
Teena: ...Not that I know of.
Treize: It says something about our use of the English language, I think.
Duo: Says the entire human race is hentai.
>Wufei, Zechs and Treize rolled in together, squirming and moaning >and writhing.
Treize: *smiles*
Zechs: *glares*
Others: *exchange looks*
Teena: *sighs* Jealousy is such a horrible thing, isn't it?
>They grew tired and fell asleep right where they were.
Zechs/Treize: In the middle of the FLOOR?!
Teena: Looks like Trowa and Quatre aren't the only exhibitionists here.
Zechs/Treize: *glare at Teena*
Teena: *smiles angelically*
>Duo and Heero came back out and pushed Wufei, Zechs and Treize to >one side.
Heero: ...Something is VERY wrong here. We wouldn't just ignore Wufei having sex with two of our main enemies. Besides, why didn't they wake up?
Zechs: That's actually a good question. I'm a light sleeper.
>They resumed kissing. At that moment, the door opened. "Duo?"
All: *blink*
Teena: *takes count* All the guys are there... Maybe it's one of the girls.
Duo: I SO do not want Hilde or Relena walking in on this!
>Duo immediately grabbed all of his dolls
Duo: I don't play with dolls!!
>and hugged them to his chest, keeping his back turned. "Yes, Heero?"
Duo: ...Wait a sec. I thought me'n'Heero were kissing. What's this stuff about?
Teena: *grins* I think I know.
>"We've got a mission."
Pilots: We've always got a mission!
>Duo gulped. "Okay. I'll be ready in a few minutes. You didn't see >anything, did you?"
Heero: *as himself* Just a standard orgy, why?
Teena/Duo: *blink* You ARE learning.
>"No, Duo. I didn't see you playing with your dolls again."
Duo: I DON'T PLAY WITH DOLLS!!!
Teena: *laughing* I get it, I get it!
Treize: Can you explain it to us?
Teena: *still laughing* I'll show you when we leave.
>Owari. ^__~
Duo: Good. And don't wink at me.
Others: *give Duo amused looks*
All: *leave*
Teena giggled madly, walking over to the TV/VCR. She pulled a tape out of somewhere, and shoved it into the VCR. "Okay, just gimme a sec, I'll set it up."
"What tape is that?" Duo asked quizzically.
"Spaceballs," Teena replied absently as she fastforwarded. "Ha! There it is!"
Everyone gathered around the screen, watching, as a scene very similar to the fic they had just suffered through played out, with a man in a big black helmet. The last line was word for word, except 'Duo' was replaced with 'sir' in the movie. Teena shut off the VCR, laughing again.
"See? The fic was based on that."
"It was pointless," Heero said, in a faintly complaining tone.
"Of course it was pointless. That's the point," Teena shot back. Heero just blinked at her. Teena sighed. "C'mon, we'll watch the movie from the beginning."
Rewinding the tape, Teena started it again, then settled into a chair. The others all sat down in various spots around the room to watch the movie.
~owari~
Teena: *smirks* Remember, Kimmie, you asked.
Duo: That's been happening an awful lot lately...
Teena: I think it says something when people are actually writing to ASK you to make fun of their fics.
Duo: It says they need to get a life.
Teena: *pouts* Hidoi~i!!! I mean it says something about ME!
Duo: YOU need to get a life?
Teena: *sulks*
This is an added note from Kimmie personally thanking Teena for doing this... I find it infinitely hilarious, far moreso than the actual fic itself. Thanks!
Teena Maxwell-Yuy
Please send comments to: mistanpha@yahoo.com