24-Aug-2001
Title: Canned Foods
Author: Kimmie (JaenKaeGW@hotmail.com)
Archive: GWAddiction, GWNation
Category: humour
Pairings: None.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, I mean no harm, I have no money... Stuff like that. Yeah.
Rating: G
Warnings: None.
Spoilers: None.
Notes: This one is dedicated to Lev and my father. Lev for mentioning green beans which reminded me of something my father once did to me which made this idea come to life... actually, a couple of weeks ago. It just took me this long to get around to typing it up. Only three pages, handwritten, done while I should have been scraping lead paint, most likely. Enjoy.
Happily, Duo danced around the kitchen, hungry after a long day's work flying a Gundam and killing Ozzie scum. He plucked open a cupboard and pulled out a can of Chef Boyardee Dinosaurs. A can opener later, the pasta was in a bowl with the help of a fork. Duo rinsed off the fork in a move of minor obsessive-compulsion and covered the bowl with plastic, putting it in the microwave for three minutes.
Deciding that watched pasta never cooks, Duo went outside to play with the cat that had started to hang around the house. Duo suspected that someone had been feeding it, and it was probably Wufei for all that he complained about the "creature".
A few minutes later, Duo heard the bell on the microwave ring and he went inside. He washed his hands quickly, but thoroughly, and got a pot holder out of a drawer. However, when he open the microwave, the bowl inside was full of green beans. Duo dropped his daisy-print pot holder. "What the...?"
He closed the microwave and opened it again. The green beans laughed menacingly at him, or so it seemed. Duo pouted and called out to the only other person in the house, "Heero?"
When he walked into the living room when Heero grunted, the other man was sitting on the couch with his laptop, just as he had been for the past two hours. "Heero, did you touch my Dinosaurs?"
Heero raised an eyebrow, but didn't look up from his almost frantic typing on the computer. "No, Duo, I didn't touch your favorite pair of underwear."
"Not my underwear. My pasta!"
Heero actually looked up. "What?"
Duo pulled Heero up and into the kitchen (almost fast enough that Heero wasn't able to get his laptop onto the coffee table) and pointed into the microwave. "I had pasta in there, not green beans!"
"Well, look in the garbage can and see just what you put in there." Heero was pointing to the top of the almost full can where an empty can of green beans sat. It, too, seemed to laugh.
Duo looked almost frightened. "But, I... wait! I covered them! I know I covered them because I always cover them so the sauce isn't all over inside the microwave. These green beans aren't covered, so I must not have put them in there."
Heero looked innocent enough. It wasn't like him, but Duo grabbed a fork and held it menacingly. "What did you do with my lunch, Yuy?"
After staring down Duo for a good three minutes, Heero burst into laughter. "If those things cooked for longer, I could have had it perfect, you know."
Duo waved the fork around. "Where's my food?"
Heero opened the cupboard next to the stove and showed Duo where the bowl of pasta was sitting next to the empty can. "There. Are you happy now?"
Sticking out his tongue, Duo replied, "No." He then proceeded to put the pasta back in the microwave for a few minutes. Picking up the can, he put it in the trash next to the green bean can, watching Heero all the while. "You have to eat the green beans."
Heero grabbed the bowl, a fork, and a salt shaker and smirked. "That was sort of the plan." He left the kitchen and didn't seem to notice Duo going for the pepper box and a small handful of pepper from it.
A minute later, Duo could be heard saying, "Oh, Heero, I think you forgot something on your green beans. Here." Then, Heero could be heard coughing and sneezing and cursing at Duo all the way down the street where Wufei was walking home, messily eating a can of tuna. He ignored the half dozen cats that seemed to gather around his feet. What had Maxwell done this time to make Heero so mad? And, where had all of his tuna gone?
Owari. ^_~
Jenny&Kimmie
Please send comments to: JaenKaeGW@hotmail.com