18-Jan-2001
Title: Admiration
Author: Kimmie (JaenKaeGW@hotmail.com)
Archive: GW Addiction.
Category: POV, sap, angst
Pairings: 6+11
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, I mean no harm, I have no money... Stuff like that. Yeah.
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Some sexual content (language).
Spoilers: None.
Notes: This is dedicated to Tyr just because there was a mention of 6+11 by Tyr on the GWML, and, in a way, that's what made this get finished.
He doesn't realize how beautiful you are. My gosh... you could greet him naked and be his perfect servant like you always are, and he'd still brush you off. You do everything for him, and what does he give you in return? That's what I'd like to know. Because, I see the look you get in your eyes every time someone mentions his name. I see the smile and passion that exude from you when he actually makes an attempt to speak with you. But, he's a fool.
Perhaps I shouldn't be so willing to call my commanding officer and friend a fool, but he is. Only a fool would treat the most wonderful woman in the world without an ounce of respect. Only a fool would look beyond the one person who is always at his side to the one person he cannot have.
Odd how you fell for Treize Khushrenada. Odd how Treize Khushrenada fell for my little sister. Odd how my little sister fell for Heero Yuy. Odd how Heero Yuy supposedly fell for me. Odd how I fell for you. Odd how this little pentagon of love has arrows pointing that seem never to reverse.
The world feels like it stopped moving whenever I get you in my view. I act like a schoolboy with a crush, never bothering to tell you how I feel, only coming at you with the crudest of jibes, and short phrases of command, and bits and pieces about how Treize is my best friend and how he ignores you. I'm sorry for that. I can't make up my mind whether I want to chase after you yet.
There are reasons behind going for you, and not going for you. If I confessed my love, I cannot be sure how you'd act. I can't presume to think the feelings might possibly be returned. But, there's good in it if that miniscule chance that you might be able to love me turns into truth. But, if I go after you, who knows what will happen with Treize? He feels rather possessive about you, even though he only wants you to draw his bath water and bring him tea and carry out other nonsensical errands. I want you to be happy, and I want to be the person to do it.
The reasons are rather heavy on the side telling me to approach you, but there's also the feeling that if I said something to you as such, you'd either laugh in my face or think that I might be jesting. So, the best idea might be to quit my stupid games and give in to my urge to spend every free minute of time with you.
I wonder if you'd push me away if I tried to help you with some of your work for once instead of just giving you a stupid smirk as I pile more of it on your desk with the line "Treize sends his work." I could go through and highlight all instances of OZ members making non-work phone calls just as easily as you can. Why Treize even gives you that sort of work, I'll never know. Perhaps he's a stupid fool, and can't think to trust anyone else but his own personal lapdog.
Except, you're no lapdog. You're a strong, passionate woman who has probably never felt the pleasure of love that you so deserve. I hate that he can't see that. I hate that I don't ever want him to. I hate that I'd try to kill him if his feelings ever changed.
You carry yourself around him with some virginal aspect of gaeity. But, the rest of the time, you're not virginal at all. Have you experienced the pleasure of the thrust, m'lady? Have you felt that throb between your smooth thighs? Have you called a man's name in the heat of the moment? Something tells me yes, but only once or twice, right? And, let me guess... when that heat of the moment came, you called out the name of the one you follow about so resolutely. It wouldn't surprise me. You murmur his name in your sleep. You muffle it into your pillow when you give yourself the pleasure he cannot. The walls here really should be thicker... but I can't say that I mind too much. Your voice is lovely.
Would it bother you to find out that I think of you when my own yearning becomes too fierce? Your image burns my body; you burn my soul. Yet, it's a sweet pain that comes from it... yet, one that I know of only one soothing cure for.
M'lady, if you would do me the honor of falling for me as I have for you, I would be grateful and would do my best to keep you happy indefinitely. Should I ever fail, you need only tell me, and I will do my best to resolve whatever problems may arise.
I do love you. I feel as though I need you to continue on. Yet, everything seems to conflict with that need. I'm pulled in so many directions by so many things and the only direction I want to go is toward you! I love you.
If I could but speak a bit of this to you... perhaps without the futile bit of the sex. That part is irrelevant, in truth. I do not care whose hands have touched you before. I just want mine to be the next ones.
You fascinate me and I adore you. So, why can't I bring myself to show it?
Forgive me for the things I've done, and let me right the wrongs. Please?
Owari. ^__~
Jenny&Kimmie
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