From: "JejeFish" Another part of "Remnants" I don't know when I'll finish this one, it seemed to be longer than what I expect it would be. Anyway, all disclaimers that you can think of. A bit of violence here, psychopaticity (whatever that might be), angst (maybe), and bit of provoking image (if you wanna put it that way), and I am just listing all the possibilities okay, so you won't flame me next time. Really not recommended for the faint hearted, or for half-strong hearted. You really need a strong heart for this part, okay? Ah yes... gomen for the unbelievably destructive crosspost, can't help myself Remnants of My Dream part 8 based on Matthew Bourne's Swan Lake (c) Adventure in Motion Picture, 1995-1996 UK Tour 2000 -------------------------------------------- TROWA I don't understand, why Zechs is different. This person couldn't be Zechs, for sure... Then I saw him walking near to me, and he flashed a smile, a mischievous smile, with malice and sensuality. I shuddered. Part of me wanted to embrace him, for I missed him so much, but the other part was overcomed by fright. Scared that something might gone wrong. He is standing in front of me now, his eyes glinted blue, searchingly, his mouth smiled sensually, predatorily. Then he lifted up one hand up to my cheeks. I hesitated for awhile before leaning into the touch, nuzzling myself into his palm, soft but callused from the many years of piloting Gundams and being a soldier. When one of my hands came up to join his, he yanked it in a manner that could never be said as gentle. It hurts even. I staggered back a few steps and went wide eyed with wonder, amazement and shock. He trained his eyes on me, never one second those amazing blue eyes left mine. Then he lifted his palm that he used to touch me before, and kissed it briefly. His eyes glinting menaciously at me, as if smiling at my inability to tear away from him. "Who... are you?" I managed to croak. He lifted his face from his own palm and closed the space between us, I wanted to back away, but found that I couldn't, not because there are obstacles, but because I couldn't bring myself to do that. Tranced you might say. Then he whispered beside my ear, sending warm air into my earlobes, his voice huskier and more enticing than what I had heard before. "None of your concern, ne, Trowa... I see you are enjoying my company." He backed away, but before licking the outer earlobe with a small purr. I shuddered and closed my eyes tightly, hoping these things are just a dream. But when I opened my eyes I am not on my bed, but in the Winners' mansion. He's gone from beside me, but I caught a glimpse of platinum in the middle of the crowd, surrounded by women and men, in endless stream of admiration. I am shuddering and shivering right now, as if the temperature in the room had went down to below zero. As if the room, or better still the time froze. None of my friends are aware of the things that have befell me. Quatre is engaged with Relena, they seemed to share the passion of peace. Duo is busily dragging Heero through out the guests, amusing the guests with how two different people could be so good together, Wufei is engaged with Sally Po, the two obviously have the same interest if not mutually. And I am alone. The music started, a very light hearted salsa and tango. The dance floor is cleared to make way to a certain dancer, in billowing gown and tap shoes. She danced like flowing water, in a very enticing way. And Zechs joined in the dance. His leather attire accentuated his fluid moves, his muscles and the way they rolled exquisitely, his predatory glint... The way he and the woman glided across the dance floor, the way he touched her erotically, doesn't seem right at all. The way he ran his hands on the woman, the way he held her close, the way of a tiger devouring a prey... no... the way of a predator playing with a prey... The way he looked at her, and the way she looked at him... She looked almost entranced by his malicious blue eyes, entranced by the way she is touched... then the music stops. The image slowed down to a freeze, with the woman's lips on his, kissing in the most ardent way Zechs never did to me. He musn't have been Zechs. He can't be. I had a surge of jealousy... There was prolonged silence, until another woman stepped into the dance floor and the music started with a classical feel, very light and balletic. The woman started to dance, to move to the music, to make long strides, leaps, and movements so graceful, like the air was her support. She glided, she flew, she twists and turns, she did all with grace and majesty, captivating the audience as a ballerina should. The pirouettes, the battemans, the arabesques, grand jetes, the grace of a wind spirit. I eyed Zechs, who is still holding the Latin woman but his eyes grazed hungrily on the dancing girl. /Zechs!/ Oh I just can't believe him, flirting with every possible female, who gladly throw themselves at his feet. Then he saw Zechs releasing the woman he held and started joining the ballerina in the middle of the dance floor. The girl was more than happy to have him on the dance floor. And Zechs sychronises his movement with her. Different from the previous dance, with to many eroticity in the dance, Zechs is more calm and collected in this dance, more of a prince charming, more of a careful protector, a brother, a father, a lover... And Zechs threw a glance towards me. I froze. He smiled. A predatory one. He winked. A discrete one that only I can see. And he went back to his dance and his partner. It was beautiful, they made a beautiful dancing partner. Their steps graceful and light, she's beautiful, he's handsome beyond comparison... And again, the song ended, and he gave a small tentative kiss on those red lips of the ballerina and gave her a stem of rose, tucking it into her sash. And he walked away, as the dance floor began to be filled with people dancing, two by twos. Cheek to cheek. Step to Step. He walked up to me, and I could feel heat creeping up on my cheeks, a mixture of longing, a bit of hate, jealously and a refusal to believe that Zechs is the one standing in front of me. He looked not at me, I suddenly realised, but towards Catherine, who looks captivated... Then the room dimmed, and Zechs passed me to approach Catherine. His long hair brushed my slightly. Then it dawned to me, he had a different scent from what Zechs used to feel like. Instead of the smell of meadows, and springs, and a faint tinge of cypres and pine. But this person, is of musk, and oriental spice. I realised that Zechs, or whoever the man might be was up and away with Catherine, as I wa musing by my own, on the dance floor. I could feel my jealously, though it is quite groundless, but I can't keep my urge on check, so I moved onto the dance floor, and took Zechs' hands away from Catherine, who is most surprised. "Look at me, Zechs!" I ordered. My voice low and accentuated. The music grew faster, his hand, looping around my waist, the other one taking my palm, I rested one on his, and another on his shoulder.Eyes to eyes. Burnt with hatred. Burnt with lust. Burnt with predatorical glint. Our dance is not by slightest gentle, its rough and paced. Its a battle of our own. "Look at you? for what?" his eyes twinkled in the darkness, his hands pressing against my back and palm, pressing me close to him, making me hard to breathe. His mouth descended on mine, the rough kiss, drawing blood. I yanked myself off from him, but he tightened his hold on me, we made a small swirl my legs tackling his his arms moved up to the small of my neck I clenched his shoulder as tight as I can he repressed my neck I winced he smiled his hold on me tighter he smiled again "I am not the Zechs you are talking about..." then roughly he yanked me into a dark corner, where the gangleader too was there, with Gawain, the little boy who watched my exchange with Zechs with awe. "Aaa... having fun?" the gangleader asked. Zechs, or whoever he is smiled and nodded, playing with Gawain's strand of hair. The little boy flinched. I yanked the man well out from the boy. "So... cared enough for the boy? Lets see if you care about him!" the platinum blond man threw a piece of photograph at me. In the darkness I could only see shadows, but I could see a man, surrounded by many others, engaging in a fight. Then as the overhead light flashes I could see... Zechs! and my ex-gang members in the mercenary. "He was following you as usual, covering your track, you know..." the gangleader said, in malice. "Then I had this primal urge to hurt you... that piece of rot came up and engaged with me, and you, little one doesn't even know anything, because he covered up the tracks so skillfully." "I almost lost the sword fight, when Loki here decided to chip in a help or two. And you could just see how your precious protecter went in awe... a perfect twin." a small chuckle. "Then its easy for all of us to surround him and wound him..." I staggered back. Wounded? For me? Protecting me? Then I looked up to the man named Loki, and choked, "Twin?" Then Loki raised an inquiring eyebrow. "Twin? hardly... my name is Loki Valdur, not even remotely related with that OZ pilot. Maybe we shared the same nordic descent but thats about it. Why I looked so much alike, I cannot tell, but that helped me a lot, in my mercenary days." Loki leaned closer to me and whispered one last sentence. "Oh you should see your precious one writhe on the ground with the pool of blood, helpless... But then he's beautiful..." Then he traced a finger across my jaw, just like what Zechs would do, "I touched him, you know..." "Here and there" he elaborated as he touched me He grasped the back of my neck, and pushed me towards his lips and gave a one last dreaded kiss. As I tore away from him... "Run!" I heard his husky whisper... My eyes sting with tears that I tried not to shed. "He's beautiful..." NO NO NO... don't listen to him, he's just trying to weaken you. "So helpless..." I shook my head vigorously until it hurts and the room starts to spin around me. "I could have done more, but his subordinates came..." "And they'll. never. forgive. you." and I can't take it anymore, the throbbing pulse inside my head hightens... As the lights grew more disoriented, and the music goes frantic and frenzied, the faces illuminated back and forth under the light the smile that became more and more malicious I screamed, I pushed my lungs out, wasted all shred of my breath, Until my voice grew hoarse, The music stilled, the sound of the dancing feet changed to endless chatter of humans the ringing of cynical laughter /"Hi! I am Gawain, I'll be teaching you things from now on." / GAWAIN... /"Don't cry fool... I am only dying thats all... not the end of the world..." GAWAIN'S DEAD... /"Foolish... foolish... child..."/ ZECHS... /""Then its easy for all of us to surround him and wound him..."/ ZECHS! No! No! Don't leave me alone... /"Live for tomorrow, live for yourself... promise me, okay?" I can't Zechs, I can't The voices rang deeper, mingling with the whispers of the crowds, mingling with the heightened manical laughter, mingling with the catcalls in the circus, mingling with the sound of a 100-piece orchestra, playbacks, fastforwards, randoms, jumbling up, overlaps, darkness. >>> tbc so? okay this is the second from last part. So, part 9 would be the last of this series *sigh of relief* It's too heavy with angst innit? anyway, I'm always an angst writer, (thanks for Annalecta-chan to point that one out!) tried a light fic where there's no angst or anything, ends up with tricks and pranks, even bad behaviour... blah blah... anyway... comments please? <>< JejeFish! Okie... part 9, last part!! ohohohohohoho... and I dunno, two lemons (the most that I have done before, and I know I will not be able to do it very much soo...) it would be a shortish thing, not long, but I'll try to make it what I try to make it. (0.o) Anyway, every disclaimers, 13x6, 6x3, death ahoy, and all horrid stuff. So don't read it if you can't take it, kay? And C&Cs, whatever (and oh! good news: I am in the mood of flames! *snickering evilly* but can't guarantee your future) NEways.. ficcy time! Remnants of My Dreams 9-END based on Matthew Bourne's Swan Lake (c) Adventures in Motion Picture 1995-1996 UK tour 2000 ------------------------------------------- ZECHS I could feel the warmth of sunlight coming in. I tried to pry my eyes open but I could feel it stings a lot. I tried to move but my body hurts all over. Every muscle strains and every heave of breathe sent convulsions all through my body. I didn't know I was wounded this bad. All I could do now is try not to move my body, let alone doing something very jerky or instinctive. I could only stare to the whitewashed ceiling which, with my other visions swam across, and all around. Then, I could hear the door opened softly and the clicking of boots against the cold concrete floor. I could see the shadow looming into the rays of sunlight, and oh yes I do recognize that shadow even from miles away. As he loomed above me, face twisted with concern, I forced myself to smile at him, even though that feat caused me to wince. I don think I am making a big fool out of myself by doing that. My face would just look like a pathetic one. "How are you feeling, Milliard?" he asked, his voice mirrored his worried expression. I smiled bitterly, "Bad." that one word is capable enough to send tremors across my frame. He reached to me and touched my left palm which is laid on the bed, IV drip inserted into one of the veins. His hands are warm, against my cold ones. "Foolish one." I smiled mentally, having my thoughts flew to the time when I lectured Trowa about being foolish to throw his life to death. And I braced myself for Treize's lecture, now. But the storm didn't come, instead there's calm waters with soft blowing of the wind. His hand caressed up and down my cold palm, his touch soft and warm. I sighed. His eyes seemed distant, gloomy and clouded. Then, as if talking to oneself he started, his hand still ministrating my warming palm. "I am so afraid I'll lose you. When they brought you back to base, with your body so badly battered, blood everywhere, your breathing shallow, I feared it will stop so abruptly. Throwing yourself into danger..." "But I can't blame you for your attachment with the boy. I understand very much how you feel about him. The need to protect. If I were you, and if you were him, I would do the same. I love you." I thought my heart stopped. I thought... I never thought he could say out his feelings like that. I thought he would never return my affections, for he is so cold around me. We are friends, yes, and close friends. But there are proximities, boundaries that we can't overstep. I curled my fingers against his, clutching it tightly, I don't want to let go. This surge of happiness that I have just felt, I don't want to let it go. I clutched his hand tightly that my knuckles turned ghastly white, the needle in my vein pricked through its walls. It hurts, my body tensed again, and it hurts. But I don't want to let go. I thought I've lost my sanity. I don't want to let go. "Do you..." he suddenly mused. I know what he's going to ask, what he's going to tell, what he wanted to know from me. I managed a bare, "Yes, I do... I cared for him. In more ways than one. But I..." he stopped me. His free fingers on my lips, pressing it lightly. His eyes more clouded, and it glitters of unshed tears, mirroring mine. He's always stronger. I could hide behind my helmet, behind the cold unfeeling helmet, but he would always have to learn to control himself, to have an utterly perfect mask of coldness and flawless self-control. "I know, Milliard. I love you too." My vision blurred, and I could feel my tears slowly moved out from their restraints, running like hot lava against my cold cheeks, dripping slowly onto the bed, creating vague sounds... Then I could feel his fingers being replaced by his lips. But its too late, isn't it? I love you But I cared about him too I feel the need of protecting him He's so fragile and in need Its too late, isn't it? The next time, I might be fighting against the one I loved Tore between two different world Treize, oh Treize... tell me what to do... *** TROWA I looked up from my crouch by the window sill when I heard the door opened.A small streak of yellow light claimed itself to darkness, and then a shadow loomed in, before being replaced by a figure. "Trowa... dinner's ready." His soft voice, concerned and worried. I winced.In the silence, even whispers could be deafening. I shook my head sharply and went back to whatever musing I had been doing before he came in. "But Trowa, you need to eat..." he approached me, nearer, closing the gap between us. His voice heightened a bit, heavy laden with concern. "Just leave me, will you?" I could hear him sigh. I didn't mean to hurt him. Things just went so wrong. "I'll have your dinner sent up here." I chose not to reply, not wanting to say a wrong thing that would upset him, that would hurt him. He reached nearer, and circling his left arm around my right. He crouched in front of me and looked up to me. I was forced to look into his eyes, as they are the brightest and most captivating. Like those of Zechs'. I shook my self from that thought. I shook myself from it because I couldn't bear the thought of losing him, and losing him because of me, above anything else. Because I am just too weak to protect myself. "Its not your fault, Trowa." He said, as if he could read my mind like an open book. But I think thats what I am, an open book. Even though I tried hard to hide my feelings. Somehow those feelings managed to seep through the pore of my skin and vapourates in the air, leaving the distinct scent for everyone to sniff and understand. He tightened his hold on me. "You can never prevent that from happening, Trowa..." his eyes carried more insistence than ever. Then I found the need to pour my feelings out. Like a dam that is to burst, that is what my feelings are. Unquenchable, unsatiable, and I just hated myself for it. "But he's wounded because of me. He might not be alive. I am alone again." Quatre suddenly sprang onto his feet, his hands still holding mine, his crystal eyes sparkling with heat. "NO! you are not. You will never be alone! I am here." And what comes next stunned me, "I love you! I'll always be with you." I gaped, not believing what I heard. "I love you, Trowa, since the beginning." his eyes lost a bit of its heated brilliance, changed into one more of compassion, of love, and care. I could say nothing but looking deep into his eyes. I love him too. In my heart I could feel that he occupies a special place. I could feel shadows descending upon me, my vision grew blurred in darkness, where the light was blocked by his image. Quatre blocked most of the light, sending it to illuminate him like a halo, emphasising his angelic face in an eerie sort of way, something so elfin that took your breath away. Then I could feel his lips against mine, and I would just melt in his arms. I loved him, I loved Quatre, I truly do... But its too late, isn't it? I have sinned. Against the ones I loved. I might not see him again. Its too late, isn't it? I can never love an angel. I love you Quatre. But my heart truly lies elsewhere, if he's still alive. *** ZECHS Its been five months since my injury. Most of them healed perfectly, even though some scars are there, as a silent testimony of what had happened. But never once I regretted it. The only thing I regretted is that I do not have an opportunity to meet with my young protege again. But he might also think that I am as well dead. Truly I myself didn't think that I am going to be alive. I almost expected myself to be dead. I have been on duty again, doing almost all the things that I should do as before. Yes... almost all things, except piloting Gundams. I don't understand. I am convinced that I am fit enough to pilot Tallgeese again, but Treize had ordered otherwise. Months passed by and now is the eighth month since my recovery and I still can't handle my Gundam. I had tried reasoning to Treize many a times, to let me start doing at least basic maneouvering again. My muscles need to be adjusted to the feeling of piloting again, after all these hiatus. But he wouldn't listen. There are times when I would slip out at night and secretly embark on my personal training. The first few nights have been horrid. My muscles seemed to rebel against doing what I used to do as easy as breathing. Now it hurts even. It took roughly fourteen nights to get myself do the most basic maneouvering. And the feeling of incapability hurts. As I grew more and more accustomed again, but nowhere near the prowess I once possessed, Treize found out one night, and he ordered Tallgeese to be "rested", a term meaning that it would be stripped of its engine and be put in the hangar. Practically useless. And he sent explicit orders for everyone not to let me go near ANY Gundams, let alone piloting it. I became frustrated, and concentrated myself on physical battle instead. On marksmanship, and on fencing, on riding and all sorts of physical endurement. And I soon went into my daily arrangement: soldiery, being Treize's second, physical training, and a packed schedule, I completely forgotten about the frustration of not be able to pilot Tallgeese. Even though when I went down the hangar, I had a twinge of sadness and a twist in my heart for not being able to pilot as I used to do ever so often. Am I going to be paralysed soon? going to be grounded soon? Then one late night, Treize came to my room, his eyes again full of concern, because I am still crouched infront of my computer, trying to sort some menial things out, with stale cup of coffee lying cold, on the saucer beside me. He placed a hand on my shoulders and gave it a light squeeze. I looked up at him and, "What are you doing here, Treize? It's night time... you should be sleeping." "And you too, aren't YOU supposed to be sleeping?" Suddenly, without my consent, or even my knowing it, I snapped. Maybe this is those feeling that I tried to repress so long... the longing. "And how the hell do you think am I going to sleep?! If after a couple of hours I start dreaming of SPACE! The place that I can never get into again, thanks to you, Great General Kusherenada!!" I spat the words out, not knowing what hurt I had inflicted on my friend. He stepped back, his eyes wide with shock and his jaw slacked. Silence reigned for a while before his voice boomed and resonated across the room. "And while you're at it, Milliard Peacecraft! also think how I feared of losing you..." "AGAIN!" And he pushed me down the bed, his body, his arms, his hands, pinning me down in a deathgrip that I couldn't move. I glared at him, in shock and terror. Never have I seen Treize so intense, so... Then I feel his mouth descending over mine, the kiss was by no means gentle, it is rough, enough to draw blood. His kisses trailed down to my neck, his hands working my white shirt free, his kisses trailed even lower, leaving red bruises on my still pale skin... "T...Treize... please.. you... it hurts..." They hurt, gods, they hurt. His kisses, my old wounds, my heart. My heart wrenched. It hurts... He didn't seemed to care. His mouth left my skin, as he tried to work out the rest of his clothings and mine. "Never try to leave me alone again, Milliard." "Don't leave me alone, Milliard..." He's in tears. So am I... Then I could feel the cold air against my body, now bare, and I could see him, as bare as me... And he touched me, he caressed me, he did everything that could arouse me, and I do. It's painful... He closed his mouth against my hardness, and worked his way. I buried my hands in his mass of ginger coloured hair and pushed his head downwards, as to satiate the pain. He looked up to me as he releases his mouth, "Don't. you. dare. leave. me..." I choked. "I am not going anywhere, Treize..." my voice barely a whisper. He flipped me, his hands wet with my own, grazed around the entrance to my body... "Don't leave me..." "I won't," I assured him, my voice grew coarser... "I'll always be with you..." And he thrusted. I screamed. It hurts! A lot... I never knew!! Oh gods in heaven!!! I felt my tears pour out like a wild river... I could feel his anguish too... Again and again... Marking me as his... Until I fell limp, and I could hear him, "Milliard, I love you..." *** ZECHS I woke up in the morning, finding that the sun had risen up quite well, its not morning anymore but well enough to be midday. I raised myself, a surge of pain hit my body. Then I realised... I am alone... I dragged myself up and tried to reach the comm unit that was lying on the nightstand and tried to contact Treize. But there was no answer. I tried to contact Noin or Lady Une... no answer either. Strange... I then contacted one of the duty staff and inquired. What comes next took me hard. "Don't you know, Sir? They are off for the Zone 5 Battle." "Zone 5 Battle?" I asked. Then, as if hit by a sudden realisation he stammered. Realisation struck me too... Why Treize doesn't want me to pilot Tallgeese, why he kept me with the paperworks, why he did what he did last night... He didn't want me to go for battle... Two things.. He don't want me to die... And Trowa... he's surely be involved. /Damn you!/ The next thing that I knew, I was in the hanger, my temper is hard to keep at bay, pointing my revolver at any damned techician to put the engine back to Tallgeese... and headed for Space. *** TROWA "QUATRE!" I screamed through the communicator. My security alarms are all bleeping, my shields are down, half of my ammunitions are gone, a quarter of anything on my Gundam just won't work. "Quatre! Quatre! Dammit! answer me!" "Trowa! I heard you! just hang in there, okay?!" came his reply. He was surrounded by the Oz soldiers, as also the other friends of mine. But it seemed most of the torrents were searching after me, specifically... why? then it revibrates in my mind again, what I tried to forget... "They'll. never. forgive. you." it was Loki Valdur who said that... I scanned the horizon, I can't see any sign of Zechs' Tallgeese. I felt my heart died... He... he surely... They must have sought revenge, by chasing after me... My Gundam took the last blow from a point blank shot, I felt my vision darken for a few minutes, as the blinding light from the blast took my sight. Then I checked my stats and to my horror, nothing but the gravitational control was working. Even the air-supply isn't working. I reached for the comm and tried to relay my condition to the others, but it's dead as well... I am dead... I am dead... I am dead... I repeated those words like a litany, as the swarm of Oz soldiers closing in on me. The barrage of laser beams were meant to take my life slowly... reminding me of how the pain Zechs must have underwent. Suddenly the barrage seemed to stop... as a Gundam stood between me and the squadron of Oz soldiers... I tried to make out the build of that mech. I held my breath... Its unmistakeable... Tallgeese... Zechs... I looked in horror as OMS Tallgeese tried to make a magnetic connection and hauled my completely disfunctional Gundam out of the way, moving with speed and precision. It took blasts from the Oz Gundams, even though I knew that the blasts were drastically decreased for they can't afford blasting off their ace pilot... if it is really Zechs piloting it. My heart wrenched... Twice I am saved... Twice I had put his life into danger... My breathing became heavier, as the air-supply became shorter... And i tumbled into unconsciousness... Worrying about the one man that had given his life for mine... *** TROWA I woke up, feeling the hard concrete under my body. They hurt all over. I noticed for the first time how badly singed I am, the smell of burnt clothing, and smell of mech oil. The pungent smell of blood... I looked around hoping to see someone whom I can refer to. Whom I could ask for any explanation to. Then I saw him... Lying face down, his platinum hair matted with dry blood, spread around him like wings of an angel, spotted with red. I hesitantly moved across the room and carefully rolled Zechs to his back, as I supported his frame. He isn't entirely heavy, but to my amazement is quite light. His face is knotted in deep pain, and a faint trickle of dried blood graced his lips. He groggily opened his eyes and reached his right hand up to enclose it around my chin. He drew me closer and as we were just less than an inch apart, with his breath heavy and the tinge of blood all to familiar, he whispered, "I am glad you are all right..." then he kissed me. It wasn't the best way to savour another, as I could feel the rawness of blood to taste, and his lips were cold... But being him... itself suffice... I only wanted him to be with me, thats all... Suddenly I winced as I felt a surge of tremor shooting up my spine... Then he stopped, as he actually took hold of my wrist and laid me gently straight on my back. "I think you broke your back..." he said softly... stroking my cheeks, trying to smooth out the pain... "It... it hurts, Zechs..." "I know... hush now..." his voice soothes my knotted nerves somehow... I looked up at him and puzzled myself... Why would he come and rescue me? what for? but I dare not ask.. instead, being bold with the last reserve of my strength... "Could you... hold me? touch me?" I asked... the safehouse is dark, so I thanked god for that... that he couldn't see my deep red blush... but I knew he could feel my face warming up. "You're injured, dear boy..." he whispered into my ears, as his fingers ran across my lips. "I don't care. They'll find us and separate us... until then..." "I don't want to hurt you..." "As long as its you, really." He said nothing, but bit his lower lips as if contemplating something. Then the next thing, I am witnessing his sure slowness and grace of discarding our ragged clothing. He enclosed his lips on mine, this time I got used to the taste of blood. *his* blood. This time it somehow tasted sweet. His blood. That he willingly gave for me... Twice he saved my life... How can I do without... His touches moved lower, they are soft and light as a butterfly's. His lips grazed onto the base of my neck, down to my chest, across to one nipple and another... a soft bite, and moved down lower... His tongue slowly delving my skin... I know how it tasted like. Like charred flesh, like something that smells foul... and bizarre. I lifted up my hand and it got lost in the entanglement in his soft long hair. I led his touches to where it hurts most... Then he took my length inside his warm mouth. With his tongue delving it in sure motion, in mockery, but in sweet and gentleness... I arched a bit into him as I released myself... The arch hurts... my back is on fire... But physical pain doesn't matter when it comes to the pain in the prospect of not be able to meet him in the future... A tear slid from my eyes... and he looked up at me... "Maybe... this is wrong, little one..." "No... I am not crying because of that..." "Does it hurt? your back?" "no..." I lied, but I know he could see through me.. But I insisted... And I could feel him slowly placing himself between my legs, his eyes questioning at me, wondering whether he should follow my stubborn want, or just forget about it and leave... Then after what felt like eternity... I could feel him in me, as he slowly entered me, and slowly lifting me up. He craddled me as to support me everytime he thrusts and everytime I arched against his body into his touch. It made me more comfortable and less pain running up my spine. But it still hurts, as my fingers dug deep into his back, and as my jaw clenches against his shoulders... And I could see him wince... Such things that he did for me... Then I could not take the pain any longer... My back was breaking apart, it seems, it hurts like a thousand daggers stuck into my back, I screamed. Part of agony part of ecstacy... He enclosed his mouth against mine, drowning all screams of pain and pleasure... creating a world of his own, weaving peace into my mind... And we laid there, on the hard concrete... his hands stroking me to sleep, as he helped me get barely clothed... And we snuggled closer to each other... Us... casualty of war... casualty of love... I am his... And before I went into the deepest slumber, I could hear, "'Love you.." *** Both men were awaken by the commotion happening around them. Zechs lifted his body with both his hands, and pulled Trowa slowly closer to him, trying to dissolve the smaller one into his protective embrace... But he was too tired, too spent, too injured... Zechs could hear Trowa's breath ragged. The boy's injuries were worse than what the boy would allow himself to believe... and if he left the boy now... Then, a swarm of men came barging in... at the head of the group was a man he knew... /Treize.../ Trowa stirred momentarily, trying to focus into the mass number of people... Four men came up from the group and forcefully separated both of them. Zechs could not summon his energy to release himself as he was handed over like a ragged doll to Treize... "Please, Treize... let him..." Zechs could not bring himself to finish his words... Trowa looked bewildered in the hands of two other Oz soldiers... "Maybe I should lock you in the room, last time..."Treize sounded cold, but Zechs knew better. "Gomen... Treize...Gomen..." his voice full of sadness. Zechs gave one more look at both men he loved. Treize and Trowa... He loved them both, in his own way... He sincerely wanted to live for both of them.. But he was too tired... His eyes were heavy... Too tired, and his selfish heart won... /Gomen Treize... aishiteru.../ He closed his eyes, /Gomen Trowa... aishiteru... and live for tomorrow.../ Not to open them ever again. *** TROWA I saw him, his eyes pleading one last wish from both of us. I understood. He loved the man, and he loved me... I had made it hard for him... But he too had made it hard for me... For I loved him and I don't want him to leave... I scrambled forth, with a sharp shriek as his head lolled lifelessly... A last crystal tear fell onto the ground... My spine hurts.. I heard a sharp snap... and a twang of pain... It hurts a lot! It hurts like hell! My back snapped, the spine broke. And I fell on my knees, and held his lifeless hands... /Aishiteru, Zechs.../ And I looked up at the General, who held the lifeless possesively... I don't hate him, for he loved whom I loved, "Arigatou, General Kusherenada..." he lifted his eyebrows in sincere query, his eyes shrouded with pain, "For what?" he asked. But I don't have the strength to answer... but the answer is here, as I whispered it in my heart. "Arigatou, for letting me know and love him..." And I freely give myself to whatever darkness that claimed me... Holding the arms of my beloved. *** Somehow, somewhere, sparks of many lifes were taken up, twirling into the space. They were called the casualty of wars. But somehow two found each other, and surrounded each other. They know not of each other, feel right with each other... And they become one, and reached to the space... the space that they loved so much... feeling their own peace... peace that they fought for so hard... and there were only two of them... in the space, in the peace, in their own love together... somehow, the most beautiful star was born that day. ~owari! there! its finished!!!! I can sleep now.. but doesn't mean you don't have to C&C me, okay? <>< JejeFish! Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass on a summer day listening to the murmur of water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is hardly a waste of time. Sir J. Lubbock