Notes: Parody, Just because I am too stressed up! OOC, but what do you expect from me?! Enjoy!
One day there was a boy, okay teenager named Zechs. He was a prince but then he got kicked out from his own country, so now he was poor.
One day, his landlady, Une, asked him to go and sell the cow to the market. He whistled his way down to the market and half way through his journey he met a man, very handsome but with very curious pair of eyebrows.
"What a beautiful cow you have."
"My landlady wants me to sell the cow to the market for our dinner."
"Hohoho!" the man laughed. "I will buy the cow from you."
"How much will you pay? Three and a penny?"
"No! I will give you much more. I will give you these magic beans."
"But what can a magic bean do?" ask the boy.
"Oh you will know."
Zechs was so fascinated with the three little green beans in his little hands that he said, "Okay."
And the cow was handed to Treize, who kissed the boy before he left.
(Association of Human Rights: Pedophile!; Treize: blpt!)
And so Zechs went back to the house with three magic beans. But Lady Une wasn't happy at all. She threw the beans out from the window and told that Zechs wouldn't have anything for dinner, and had to go straight to his room. Zechs cried all night, but Treize came in from the window and lulled the boy to sleep.
Early in the morning, Zechs woke up and found Lady Une shouting from below, and when he reached the front door of his house, lo and behold! a great big beanstalk that ran up into the heavens.
Lady Une told Zechs to go up the beanstalk and see if there was something worth looking at up there, beyond the clouds. They say a family of giant lived there. So up went Zechs.
And he climbed and climbed and climbed and eventually reached the place up above the sky. (Don't ask why he could still breathe without oxygen mask). And on the clouds there was a big castle. If someone could do an impersonation of a goldfish, that would be him.
So then, he walked slowly towards the massive door and found a teenie weenie hole that he could slip through. He went in and saw the largest furniture he had ever see in his life, the stash of gold and silver. But there was one thing that intrigued him most: a rubber duckie on a velvet cushion. He reached out for it but there was a voice from above.
"Look here, there's a human."
He looked up and stammered his apologies. Then there was a booming voice.
"Fi Fa Fo Fum, I smell human flesh."
"Quick hide, my husband's back." so Zechs hid inside the cupboard.
"Welcome home, Eppy-buttercup."
"Tallgeese darling, I smell a human in here."
"You must be dreaming, there's no human here."
So they sat and ate their dinner. And Epyon played with the rubber duckie before he slept on the table, snoring. When Zechs thought Tallgeese was doing the dishes in the kitchen he slipped out from the cupboard, grab the rubber duckie and ran down the beanstalk (I don't know how he did it, but he did).
Down below, Lady Une and Treize were worried about Zechs safety and when they saw him coming down the beanstalk they cheered. Zechs gave the rubber duckie to Treize who said he would pay a half a million dollars for it.
So, Lady Une was happy and Zechs ate his hearty dinner, before retiring for the night.
The next day, Zechs ate his breakfast and climbed up the beanstalk again. Then he went through the clouds and in through the small little hole and found a scuzzy baby on the velvet cushion.
He reached out for it but there was a voice from above.
"Look here, there's the human again."
He looked up and stammered his apologies. Then there was a booming voice.
"Fi Fa Fo Fum, I smell human flesh, must be the one who stole my rubber duckie."
"Quick hide, my husband's back." so Zechs hid inside the cupboard.
"Welcome home, Eppy-buttercup."
"Tallgeese darling, I smell a human in here."
"You must be dreaming, there's no human here."
So they sat and ate their dinner. And Epyon played with the scuzzybaby before he slept on the table, snoring. When Zechs thought Tallgeese was doing the dishes in the kitchen, he slipped out from the cupboard, grabbed the scuzzybaby and ran down the beanstalk again.
Down below, Lady Une and Treize were worried about Zechs safety and when they saw him coming down the beanstalk they cheered. Zechs gave the scuzzybaby to Treize who said he would pay a million dollars for it.
So, Lady Une was very happy and Zechs ate his big, hearty dinner, before retiring for the night.
The next day, Zechs woke up and ate his breakfast and went up the beanstalk again. Then he did the same thing again, walked across the clouds and met some cloud sheep, and through the tiny hole. But he found nothing on the velvet cushion. He was poor now. He wouldn't get any money for his landlady and him.
He was about to turn and leave when,
"Look here, there's the human again."
He looked up and stammered his apologies. Then there was a booming voice.
"Fi Fa Fo Fum, I smell human flesh, must be the one who stole my rubber duckie and my scuzzy baby."
"Quick hide, my husband's back." so Zechs hid inside the cupboard.
"Welcome home, Eppy-buttercup."
"Tallgeese darling, I smell a human in here."
"You must be dreaming there's no human here."
So they sat and ate their dinner. After dinner, Epyon took out a singing lady from a golden cage. She had purple hair and purple eyes and she sang like an angel. And Epyon slept soundly afterwards. When Zechs thought Tallgeese was doing the dishes in the kitchen he slipped out from the cupboard, and saw how beautiful the singing girl was.
"Hello, I am Zechs."
"Hello, I am Noin."
"Do you want to come with me?"
"Where?"
"Down there! To earth."
"I would love to."
So they both ran as fast as they could to the little hole but Epyon was only pretending to sleep. So, Epyon woke up and ran for all his long strides and hinges were worth and almost caught up with the two humans.
Zechs and Noin went down the beanstalk with Epyon close behind.
"Lady Une! Lady Une!" Zechs called from above. But Lady Une couldn't hear him, for she was busy kissing and making up with Treize.
"Lady Une! Lady Une!" and then the landlady looked up, and saw Zechs and Noin and Epyon close behind.
"Quick! Treize grab the plasma sword." And he did.
And as Zechs and Noin reached the ground, Treize flung the sword mightily and the beanstalk snapped and down came Epyon and Tallgeese and the castle.
*BOOMPH*
And so, Zechs married Noin and Lady Une married Treize and they lived happily ever after.
What happened to Epyon and Tallgeese? Well, they went wherever their owners wanted to go. And they fought battles with other nasty giants. And they too lived happily ever after.
The end.