29-Aug-2000
::grins:: I got bored.
Title: Ménage à Trois
Author: Jay/dem. Contactable at carboxylated@yahoo.com
Archive: Uh... no one in their right mind would want to.
Category: HUMOR. Yaoi/Shoen ai. Lime in the way sex ed manuals could be considered porn.
PAIRINGS: 1x2x5.
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is quite sadly not mine, but in fact the property of Bandai, Sunrise, and other large corporations and companies I have no affiliation with. (Again, quite sadly.)
Warning/Rating: R? PG-13? If you don't like yaoi... don't bother.
Feedback: Er... sure!
Wufei didn't know whether to laugh or to cry. He was inclined to do both while running as far away as he could from Duo and Heero, screaming.
Heero was furiously correcting Duo's anatomically-incorrect drawings. "Look," he said. "We'll label the first guy A, the second guy B, and the third guy C."
Duo leaned over to scribble with his marker, muttering, "Perfect Soldier ALWAYS needs a frickin' plan."
Heero gave Duo a withering glance and circled the cylindrical shape on A. "We'll label genitalia A-1, B-1, and C-1."
Duo circled more things in his bright red permanent marker. "Right. And each. ahem. orifice as A-2, B-2, and C-2." Wufei began to sweatdrop, and raised a hand meekly. "Doesn't... er... the *mouth* count as an orifice?"
Duo beamed. "You're right! A-3, B-3, and C-3."
Heero stared critically at the three figures. "Well, then, maybe we should label the hands too."
"Individually or together?"
"Individually!"
Wufei watched as they circled A-4, A-5, B-4, B-5, C-4, and C-5.
"What about general erogenous zones?" Duo suggested.
"Well." Heero looked at the mass of marker lines. "Maybe not."
"Heero-chan."
"Let's get down to it," Wufei said bleakly. It was going to be a long night, and not the kind he had in mind.
"Fine, A-6 and A-7."
Duo and Heero outlined their final plans on blue grid paper.
"While A-1 enters B-2, B-1 enters C-2, and C-1 enters A-3."
"That's first stage."
"Right. Fifteen minute recuperation. Then, C-1 enters A-2, while A-1 enters B-3. Both C-4 and A-5 commence with B-1."
"Second stage."
"And then B-1 enters A-2, while--"
"Hey, Heero?"
"Yes, Duo?"
"Is it possible for someone's *spine* to bend 150 degrees?"
"Hn. Maybe I need to look over this."
"We should have illustrated."
"Right. Get out the crayons."
Wufei half-dozed as he listened to Heero and Duo squabble over who was supposed to be where.
"A calling B! A-1 supposed to be in B-3!"
"Oh, shove it!"
"No, C is supposed to be doing that!"
"Gah! Ow! Well, where the hell is A-5? I'm *dying* over here!"
"Look, Duo, if A-1 was in B-3, you *couldn't* be talking."
"Grrr."
Wufei began to snore lightly. The working demonstration of how threesomes worked would have to wait until tomorrow.
The End
Threesomes amuse me?
Duo: o_O;;;;
Heero: I know for a FACT that a spine can achieve that angle!
Wufei: [mutters Mandarin curses]
Jay
Please send comments to: carboxylated@yahoo.com