Painful.
It's painful to be like this. My heart is aching as if somebody has sliced it with a dull blade. Yes, very hurt indeed. Only that blade has been a 'friend' of mine all my life.
A dull blade called loneliness.
No matter how I try, I can't get rid of this hollow emptiness.
Why? Why can't it leave me? Why can't it let me enjoy my life, no matter how miserable it already has been?
Why can't I be happy?
Painful.
It's painful. Something is tearing my heart and I don't know what it is. I felt this often before, but never this great.
What is this?
Why can't it go away?
Whay can't it leave me...
...alone....
Duo stared at the sleeping body in the bed before him quietly. Heero's face was reflecting nothing. No pain, no pleasure, no terror, no peace. Nothing at all.
He wondered what the blue eyed pilot was dreaming. Maybe he wasn't dreaming at all. He wondered how it felt to sleep without any grip of the nightmares that had been haunting him for years. All those nights full of blood... cries... sorrow....
He flinched at the recalls of the dreams. No. He'd better not to remember them now.
He fixed his gaze back to the Japanese pilot. He was exquisite, gorgeous... he was many other words he could not describe for it would never end but meant one: beautiful. How could somebody receive valuable gifts from God, but lack of the most priceless essence of it.
Emotions.
Or maybe the pilot did have some. Maybe he just didn't want to show it out like the way _he_ did.
Duo smirked. The way _he_ did? Him? Showing out _his_ feeling? Oh no... not his. People might see him as an outgoing person, laughing all he could, being the clown. Duo the baka.
Oh no... not him. Not the _real_ him. The real him he always hid behind his mask. The real him that he would never show to anyone. Anyone but... no one.
He sat next to the sleeping boy, his one hand caressing the other boy's dark brown hair.
So soft... so tempting....
What could be hiding behind this mask of cold sleeping beauty, he wondered. Maybe an innocent boy who wanted nothing but to do no harm to other people. He smiled. Yes, he could just see it. Sometimes Heero was just being so transparent. Without him noticing, that was.
Duo snickered. One could not imagine that from the Perfect Soldier, right?
But the Perfect Soldier wasn't perfect. The soldier was still human. Human made mistakes.
So? Who about himself?
He halted his thought there abruptly. Without any expression on his face, he stared at the boy deeply. For a moment he hesitated.
He leant down and kissed his lips softly.
Receiving no response from the other boy, he withdrew and turned back to his bed. He froze as a nasal voice called him. "Duo...?"
Without turning, he replied. "Yes, Heero?"
He knew that it was something in his voice that made the boy made no reply. Sighing, he turned back to face the boy, this time, letting go the mask he had wore all the time.
Heero caught his breath. The boy standing before him, towering him, was not the same boy he met almost everyday on the kitchen eating corn flakes and fooling around. He wasn't the same boy who rode Deathscythe and blew out numbers of MSs and bases.
The boy was a stranger to him.
"...Duo?"
"Heero, you talk like talking to a stranger." The braid boy stated coolly.
A shiver ran through his spine. Heero had never felt this way before. This Duo in front of him... was there something wrong? They hadn't had any mission to accomplice in a few days, there had been no incident during the cease-fire.
What had happened to Duo?
As if reading his mind, the braided boy smirked. "What is it, Heero? Never saw me like this before?" He bowed until their face were a mere inches apart.
"Duo...."
That was all that ever came from Heero before the American dropped his weight on him.
It's hot... very hot.... I can't... breathe....
The tension was... too much... to bear....
This pain... unh... no... not pain... I don't know....
I'm all confused....
Heero laid, his breath raged, gasping for air. He was all sweat and heat. He was in pain and pleasure he could not understand. He was naked, his torn tanktop was on the floor, his spandex and underwear was nowhere to see.
Beside him an equally naked Duo laid on his side, his hand was on his head. The braid had been dissolved from its place and his face was expressionless.
"Du...o...." Those blue eyes were at him, full of mixed emotion. Confusion, fear, sorrow, and others he noticed as well. "Why...?"
The Shinigami pilot smirked. "Let's just say...
...trying to brake another mask."
~owari~
Hime D.