06 July 2000
Oh there is a deeper river,
Flowing under the hurt and pain.
Yes there is a deeper river
That will bring you home again.
Dusted: "Deeper River"
Quatra moved slowly around the raised vent untill he stood in front of Blair, subconsciously comparing the woman before him to the ideal tucked neatly away in his memories. Their eyes locked for a moment before the fairer sibling reached out a hand and captured a few short dark locks between his fingers for a brief moment.
"You cut your hair," his voice was soft and filled with kindness, love, and a slight whisper of fear.
"It got in the way," she replied mater-of-factly, breaking their steady gaze and throwing Duo a glance filled with confusion and fury.
He hadn't told her.
The braided pilot opened his mouth to speak, but thought better of it. A sincere expression of apology filled his violet eyes before he walked away towards the access door behind her where Trowa was waiting.
"You never wrote," she whispered softly, a thread of hurt hardening her words, eyes moving back to her brother's and finding a quizzical look there.
"Yes I did."
Blair sighed tiredly, running a hand through the strands of hair his pale fingers had touched. Shifting, the ex-pilot let her legs hang over the metal duct's opening, its edge biting lightly into the bend of her knees. It was some time before either of them spoke again, a rumble of thunder filling the awkward silence.
"Father?" the younger sibling asked, soul not willing to believe it, but mind willing to accept the possibility.
"That, the school, or both. Either way, it matters little now," Blair stated evenly.
Quatra's heart clenched violently at the near total lack of emotion in her once expressive voice and eyes. Almost timidly, he raised both hands to cradle a face he barely recognized. Fingers slowly brushing over high cheekbones and a strong jaw; the baby fat that had once resided there long burned off. Dark, almost black, eyes burned deeply into his own. Their intensity would have been frightening if the blonde man had not been used to staring into a green fire that raged just as hotly.
'The training she shall be receiving from the school will quell her wild spirit.'
The memory of their father's voice cut Quatra deeper than he had ever conceived possible. The training, the school, and the experiences she had undergone had not quelled the heat of her spirit; rather they had stoked the blaze and turned it inward destroying her once abundant happiness and youth.
You were wrong father.
"Disappointed yet?" she asked coolly. Blair's heart screamed at her, berated her, for treating the only person she had ever loved so apathetically. In that moment Blair Aile Winner truly hated herself.
"Never," the blonde man whispered before he leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. When his warm lips touched her skin, she suppressed a violent shudder that stemmed not from repulsion, or cold, but from shock. Shocked that a part of her soul she had long thought dead could responded and fight its way to her consciousness. Under a volition all their own, numb arms lifted to draw her brother into a near desperate embrace. Slowly, pale callused hands slid from the ex-pilots neck to back, holding on to her trembling body as tightly as his muscles would allow. When the Winner heir couldn't achieve the level of closeness he wished, he let his aura flare and wrap around his sister like a warm blanket on a cold winter's night.
Quatre frowned.
As his power came into contact with her own, it beaded and slid over Blair's aura like water over wax. Again he pushed out with his heart and mind and sensed the steel walls surrounding her.
Insulating her.
Isolating her.
Blair pulled back from his strong arms as her hands slipped to his sides and hooked on the belt loops they found there.
"You don't want in, Quatre. Trust me."
"By locking yourself away you're only hurting yourself."
"You don't know my life, Quatty." Lightening over head arced and splintered accompanied by a deafening clap of thunder. Blair let her mask slide away to reveal raw emotions that swirled within the lower depths of her eyes, catching Quatre's breath and clenching his sensitive heart.
Pain...some.
Loneliness...much.
Fatigue...overwhelming.
Hope...
Hope?
Hope...none.
The metallic stampede of rain swept across the rooftop without warning consuming the siblings in a world all their own. A misty haze of cool drops gently prickled their skin and soaked their clothing within moments and neither cared.
Quatre let his hands slip away from her and reached into the back pocket of his khaki pants to retrieve an expensive tri-fold leather wallet. Strong pale fingers reached into the billfold and between the paper credits, searching. Upon finding their objective a smile pushed up his lips and lit his eyes. Gently, the fair sibling took one of his sisters hands and pressed the small flat object tightly into her work-callused palm. Blair watched the movement with mute fascination, head cocked to one side.
"Stars are forever and always there. Not like people." Quatre whispered, his voice raw with old emotions and old pain. The curly haired woman stilled for the second time in twenty minutes, mind reeling with the softly spoken words and even more devastating unspoken ones.
'As long as we have the stars we have each other.'
Blair looked down with wide eyes filled with varying degrees of confusion, fear, and vulnerability that softened her features to reveal the remnants of a lost 19 year old girl. And for an instant Quatre felt the walls around her heart falter with uncertainty as the wash of emotions that spilled out from the cracks brought tears to his crystal blue eyes.
Hope...maybe.
Just maybe.
Erin Johnson
Please send comments to: johnsoel@purdue.edu