04-March-2001
Title: Love Lies Bleeding in My Hand Part 2/3
Authors: Enigma & Ryoko 03
E-Mail: EclecticAnimeFan@aol.com & Ekitten3@aol.com, respectively.
Written: February & March, 2001
Rating: R
Pairings: (5x3) (1x2)
Category: Angst Yaoi Suicide-Attempt Death (?) Violence AU-OOC
Enigma Story Category: Gundam Nightmares
Archive: GW Addiction, Sweet&Sweet
Warnings: Angst, yaoi, violence, suicide attempt, death (?), AU-OOC, sap,
Disclaimers: We don't own any of the Gundam Wing Universe. Of course we aren't not making any money off this story. It's written out of sleep deprivation, so please don't sue us, we only have our dreams to share.
Notes: Wufei has made a terrible mistake in battle which leads to a frightening decision. Trowa stops him, but can he protect the fragile boy afterwards? And who will protect Trowa as well?
That did it. Trowa's eyes flashed with rage and he attacked Heero. His fighting style was quick, graceful, and had no real name. It was more of a combination of Duo's street-fighting and Wufei's martial arts, with a little less control. Whatever it may have been called, it was fueled by anger, and in no time flat the tall pilot had Heero lying on the floor in a heap.
Shooting the fallen youth one final glare, Trowa turned towards where his lover lay, broken and bleeding. He knelt next to Wufei and Quatre, lifting the Chinese boy carefully.
"Gomenasai, Quatre," he said softly. "You should see to Heero." With that, he struggled to lift his fallen lover, but couldn't even move the other teen. At least, not with his own injuries.
Heero had stopped moving entirely the moment he saw the limp white-clad figure go sprawling across the floor. It was no surprise to him when he felt the impact of Trowa's attack and he felt it was fully justified at that point.
Quatre was rushing towards him fury and concern blended on his face, and Heero knew he was just started getting his ass kicked now. Trowa Barton at full fury was one thing, an enraged Quatre Raberba Winner was quite another, the blond knew ways to make him suffer that left Heero in a cold sweat some nights.
Anger cooled almost immediately as the Japanese youth recalled the sight of Duo being loaded into an ambulance earlier that afternoon superimposed on the image he saw now of the deathly silent Chinese boy.
"Sweet gods!" He breathed out as he pulled back the hand that had done the damage, looking at it as if it held the answers he needed. "I really am a bastard! Help me up, Quatre! Trowa needs help!"
The blond Sandrock pilot was a lot stronger than people thought. He pulled Heero to his feet with little effort, concern and a bit of anger still lighting his eyes.
"We are going to have a long, *long* talk later," the blond promised as they both headed over to where Trowa was struggling with the limp weight of his unconscious lover.
The green-eyed teen cursed softly in French, English, Spanish, Chinese and Japanese as his reserve strength finally gave out and he collapsed on the floor, struggling to catch his breath. He was quite frankly amazed that he had been able to pick up Wufei in the first place, and kept his arms wrapped tightly around the injured boy.
"Take it easy, Trowa, let me help you with him," Heero offered, crouching down to take the limp form out of his arms.
In spite of the blows Trowa had landed, Heero's sinewy strength was far from failing, but his internal balance had been thrown for a loop when Trowa hit him in the temple and he became dizzy and nearly fell without the added burden of Wufei's body weight. Unable to counterbalance quickly enough, he landed on his rump instead.
Quatre shook his head. "Heero, you can barely take care of yourself right now. Sit still."
Moving to Trowa, he very carefully took Wufei's limp form and offered his friend a comforting smile. "I'll put him to bed, then you need to rest, too."
"Arigatou," the slender bishounen said softly, watching as one of his best friends carried his lover to the safety of their bedroom. He made a mental note to ask the blond boy to call Sally to come check on Wufei, then sank to the floor limply, his single visible eye sliding shut.
Heero looked at the retreating blond and wondered how long he had until the threatened "talk", something far more physical and more frightening than mere words could ever be, would take place. Feeling he had little time to make amends, he offered an apology to his friend. "Gomenasai, Trowa," he said softly, "things got out of hand, didn't they?"
The pale bishounen nodded slowly, drained both physically and emotionally. "Hai, Heero, they did," he said in a very small voice.
"I had no idea things would get this bad this quickly between any of us. First Duo and Wufei, now you and me." He shook his shaggy brown head, "We're a couple of fools, you know that, right?"
Another small nod. "Love is a crazy thing," the other brunette mused, voice seeming fainter somehow, as if all the remaining energy he had was sliding away.
"Love? Hell, it is a curse sometimes!" Cobalt-blue eyes slid shut as he worried over Duo yet again; he never thought love could hurt like it did any time the violet-eyed pilot was injured.
But there was one thing which puzzled Heero and he thought he might as well ask it, soon he would be keeping his mouth closed for quite awhile after Quatre was done with him. "When we got here, I couldn't help noticing a rope in a tree out front. What was *that* all about?"
"Um... Fei, uh, Wufei blames himself for what happened to Duo," Trowa replied after a moment, his voice fading even more. "He was going to hang himself. I barely stopped him. Then all this...." He trailed off, feeling very tired all of a sudden.
"Damn," Heero breathed out softly and wished he had not even mentioned it. But what was done could not be undone and further, he could no more get off the floor right then to leave the room the way his heart screamed at him to do than he could save the world. "He was going to do *what*? Oh, gods, Tro, I am *so* sorry, I had no idea!"
Before Trowa had the chance to reply, Quatre returned to the room. He instantly noticed the change of mood, but figured he would ask Heero later, *after* he was through chewing him out, of course.
"Heero? Can you stand up at all?" he asked, true concern for the Japanese boy lighting his aquamarine eyes. "If not, just wait here for a minute while I get Trowa into the bedroom with Wufei."
"Um, no, Quatre, I can't." Heero looked at him with an expression that would make a puppy proud, but he got no sympathy.
"I swear I'll be *right* back," Quatre promised, moving to draw Trowa to his feet. The tall boy was almost deadweight, but he managed to get his friend moving after a moment. The blond half-carried him to the room at the end of the hall, leaving only after he had the tall youth settled on the bed next to the still-unconscious Chinese youth.
Returning to the living room, he wasn't sure whether to scold Heero or hug him. The puppy-dog eyes won out over his own annoyance, however, and the Arabian boy wrapped his arms around him with a sigh.
"Are you okay?" he asked softly. The lecture could wait for now.
Surprised that he was getting treated as well as the other injured pilots had, Heero looked at him and smiled weakly. "Been better," he joked and grimaced as the other boy touched a swelling on the side of his head that would leave a nasty bruise. With a chagrinned look, Heero asked, "How is Wufei doing? Is he gonna be okay?"
"Hai, I think so," Quatre replied softly. "I called Sally while I was gone before. I thought that would be best instead of my sister coming here." A small frown marred the blond's features for a moment. "Maybe we should get some ice for this," he thought aloud, standing and slowly pulling Heero up with him.
Getting to his feet was more of an adventure than Heero was really ready for, but he made it. As the pair made their way to the kitchen he asked, "So, any word on Duo? Did you get anything from Sally on him yet?"
The deep pain in his heart over his braided lover seemed to flow out and into his voice. It was all well and good to be injured in battle, but to be hurt by a friend seemed so much worse even if it was an accident.
"She said he was going to be fine." A small smile crossed the blond's face as he added, "Hell, I could hear him whining in the background that he wanted to 'go home right now' while I was talking to her, so I'm positive he'll be okay."
"Good," Heero nodded but the soreness from Trowa's attack was catching up and he hissed in pain and then whined a little asking, "Saa, Quatre? Did they leave any Tylenol for us in this safehouse?"
Quatre chuckled softly. "Yeah, there's some in the kitchen. Come on, you sit here and I'll get it for you." The blond helped him sit down on one of the dining room chairs before heading off in search of the bottle.
Obediently, Heero sat still and watched as the blond brought him some water as well as the pain relievers he craved even if there was little chance they would really put a dent in his pain.
Meanwhile, in the bedroom, the Chinese pilot slowly regained consciousness. Dizzy and disoriented, he turned his head slowly and found himself staring at the overly-still form of the boy he loved.
Terror hit him as he tried to remember what exactly had happened during the fight but the details just would not come to him. "Trowa?" He asked softly as he realized the simple head movement had brought him blinding pain. Determined, he tried again somewhat more loudly, "Angel? Wake up, please!" Tears stung his eyes as he feared the worst.
One gold-flecked green eye opened slowly, a soft whimper escaping the French youth as he turned his head slightly towards Wufei. "Nnnn... you 'kay?" he murmured, his voice barely audible but his concern apparent in his tone.
"Oh, angel!" Wufei breathed out grateful that his lover was not dead, yet uncertain what to say beyond, "Thank the gods! You're alive! I thought I had lost you!"
Trowa winced and raised one hand to his head. "Of course I'm alive," he said quietly. "I used the side of my head to bust Heero's ankle, but other than that...."
Head swimming with pain which radiated from his jaw and outwards, Wufei could barely keep his eyes open but he tried just the same. "Very funny, koi," He remarked as he tried in vain to turn onto his side to embrace the boy beside him. Giving gravity its due, he reached out a hand to hold onto the green-eyed boy he loved and whispered, "Are you okay, Tro? Really?"
"I'll be alright," the slender bishounen replied, his eyes softening as he offered a small smile to Wufei. "Was more concerned with keeping you safe."
Wufei was startled by this statement, his own safety was not a concern to him. "Keeping me safe, koi? What on earth do you mean? I was fine. But when I first woke up," sloe eyes slid shut in pain both physical and emotional, "I thought you were dead. I just could not imagine living if I lost you, angel. I am so very..." He was cut off by his lover's words.
"Wufei, I love you," Trowa said softly. "I couldn't let you get hurt. There's no need to apologize." He paused, then moved a bit so that he could at the very least curl up against his lover's side. "That's why I stopped you earlier," he said in a soft voice. "*I* can't imagine living if you were gone."
"Stopped me...?" the smaller bishounen seemed confused then recalled the regrettable incident with the hangman's noose and his own aborted suicide attempt.
"I am sorry, Trowa. Death seemed my destiny at the time," Wufei answered in a very lost voice. "You weren't there... you didn't see..." Words failing and tears returning, he ended almost too quietly to be heard, "you'll never know..."
Trowa began to speak, yet only silence was heard.
Abruptly, Trowa shifted positions once more, rolling away from his lover and facing the wall instead. 'You'll never know.' Those words seemed to hang in the air, heavy and accusing.
But Trowa understood all too well. However, Wufei was the lucky one. The person who had been injured this time had survived. The one that haunted Trowa's memories... hadn't been as fortunate. That one mistake, that accident that he blamed himself for, was the reason he had left the mercenaries and had become involved with Operation Meteor in the first place.
The feeling of the bed moving told Wufei what he feared most, Trowa was turning his back on him after all, both literally and figuratively. Agony shot through him as he decided that no matter what he did it would be wrong and his mind started down a path it would not return from.
And no matter what Trowa had told him that he was needed and desired, it was obviously not true. He tried again to get up to move himself, but simply couldn't and he lay still and began to sob deeply wishing he had been just a little faster earlier with the rope. Then Trowa would not be laying there injured, Duo would be avenged, and there would be one less worry in the world.
"... you're wrong." Trowa's soft voice startled the Chinese boy out of his resurgent suicidal thoughts.
"Wha-wha-what do you mean?" Wufei stammered through the tears.
"... you said 'you'll never know'. You're wrong. I *do* know. All too well." He closed his eyes and drew in a breath before continuing: "But you're lucky. You won't be haunted by the death of an ally... unlike me."
He fell silent for a moment, wondering how to phrase it. No one knew what had happened, save the rest of the mercenaries, and they knew it wasn't his fault. Still, he blamed himself.
"You know I was a mercenary once. We were a tight-knit group, always watching each others' backs and making sure no one was injured.
"When I was thirteen, we were on a job for a high-paying client. We didn't think there'd be much trouble, but we were wrong. Things went bad, fast. One of my friends, a boy not much older than myself, was backing me up. I'm still not completely sure of what happened, but in the crossfire between me and the security forces, my friend's mobile suit was hit."
Wufei was quite confused by these confessions and while he tried to follow the story he was being told, a new fear had arisen. When Trowa mentioned the death of an ally, he suddenly realized he had no idea if Duo was dead or not. He chose to remain silent about this new concern and asked instead, "Why didn't you ever tell me any of this? And who was this friend of yours that died, anyway?"
"I blamed myself for his death. I still do. Hell, I was never supposed to be part of this war. But when my friend was killed, I felt guilty. I took his place as the pilot of HeavyArms."
The green-eyed youth fell silent for a long moment before answering Wufei's final question, "And his name was Trowa Barton."
Totally lost was the only way to describe Chang Wufei at that moment. Through the tears and broken sobs, he came to terms with the fact that the man he loved was not who he thought he was to begin with.
"So?" he asked softly, "You mean you are *not* really Trowa Barton?" He sighed and closed his eyes as he wondered if anything he knew about the boy he loved was true at all. Especially the part about him returning his love. "What else about you is a lie? And just what *is* your name then?" His heart was dying, but he thought he might as well ask.
Emerald eyes closed against tears. Just as he had feared should the truth come to light, Wufei hated him.
"That is the only lie," he said in a choked, strained voice. "But if you want to know what name to despise, I apologize. I have no name. The mercenaries simply called me Nanashi, so if you must call me something you may call me that."
"I never knew all that," Wufei breathed through his lingering tears. His heart wanted him to grasp at what was being offered but his befuddled mind told him that he was nothing but an albatross around his lover's neck. Further, he felt that the boy he had known as Trowa but who would now be thought of as "Nanashi" would be better off without him.
A thought crossed Wufei's tattered mind and he laughed bitterly. "Despise you? For using a false name? Don't be absurd." He laughed in a strange choked voice as the confusion and pain became too much and all bets were off on where his thoughts might go next. "If I despised someone for that alone, then Duo would be added to that list, as would Heero and all five of those monsters who send us our orders!"
"No, there is no reason to despise you for that, besides, it is far less than my own sins, not the least of which is being a resounding failure!" He sighed and closed his eyes taking a breath before sentencing himself to death fully. "Unlike you, I do not claim innocence in the deaths of my friends. My entire colony self-detonated for my benefit and I watched it die. Now, I find I am incapable of eliminating myself from this life and inadvertently bring you pain and suffering. Cut your losses, Nanashi, cut me out of your life."
"No."
The one word was surprisingly strong, and the bed shifted as the slender boy dragged himself into a seated position and turned to face his lover. The look in his eyes was one of sorrow and longing, but there was a fair amount of sadness lingering in their emerald depths. Then he turned and rummaged in the drawer for a moment.
Wufei wasn't sure just what his lover was searching for until he saw the gun the tall youth had pulled from the drawer. And then the boy spoke, "The only way to cut me from your life is to tell me, right now, that you do not want me here anymore. Say the word, and I can be out of everyone's life forever."
Suicidal thoughts and plans had overtaken the remnants of Wufei's once facile mind and he hoped against hope he might find a way out of this existence as soon as possible. The desire to be free was overshadowed briefly by the sight of a gun in his lover's hand and a thought occurred to him to put this new piece of the puzzle into play himself.
"Ah, I see," He remarked more calmly than he felt as he pulled himself to sit beside Trowa. "This is fitting, isn't it? Earlier today you said, and I quote 'You do it and I swear to God I'll shoot myself'. Well, time to put your money where your mouth is, Trowa-Nanashi-whoever the hell you are!"
Wufei reached for the gun quickly and pulled a shot off directed at himself and he felt his life begin to slip away.
Green eyes seemed to die at that moment. Without a word, a whimper, or a sigh, the slender pilot simply picked up the gun, flicked the silencer to 'on', slipped the barrel into his mouth, and pulled the trigger. The only sound he made was when the weapon dropped from his hand and hit the floor with a dull thud.
Within the moment that the once beautiful pilot of the Gundam HeavyArms obliterated the entire back of his skull, the pilot of the Gundam ShenLong also exited this plane of existence. The bedroom where the young couple once made love and found pleasure and joy in each other's arms was now the place of their deaths.
Rushing into the room after hearing the gunshot which had claimed the life of one Chang Wufei, Heero Yuy found the gruesome sight of the two bodies. He very nearly collapsed as he realized the odd abstract painting on the wall above the bed was still sliding down in gooey gobs of gray and red.
He fell to his knees and cried out, "NOOOOO!!!!!!"
End Part 2
Enigma and Ryoko
Please send comments to: EclecticAnimeFan@aol.com or Ekitten3@aol.com