Part Eighteen : Explanations
Treize carried Duo into his room. He was limping heavily after a few
feet and Treize suspected blisters and cuts on his feet from their
hike, as well as whatever other damage was wrong with him. So he had
just scooped him up again and asked where Duo's room was, not paying
attention too much else. He was a little overwhelmed by the fact that
he had meet more people today then he had since he had woken up from
his accident. He remembered the hasty introduction to Master Quatre
from Rashid, he expected an older man, about Rashid's age. Not another
boy with a bright smile, but old eyes. But they were better then his
companion, Trowa's eyes. Dead, tired, until they looked at Quatre and
then they just lit up. It was amazing. Trowa had led them to this room
and murmured something about help coming. And Treize was amazed at the
amount of people that were just there, watching them, staring at the
two of them. They all seemed to be working for Quatre in some
capacity, and appeared to worship the ground that he walked on. He
could see it in their eyes. It was amazing that someone that young
could inspire such devotion.
Duo curled up on the bed when he was put down and fell back into a doze, not that he had really been awake in the first place. He had responded to Quatre's questions with incoherent mutters. Treize shook his head and went into the bathroom, wanting to get a glass of water for Duo, he might be thirsty when he woke up again and he wanted him off his feet. He didn't hear the bedroom door open, but heard more voices. He hesitated, not wanting to interrupt anything.
"Duo." Treize heard. The voice was young, but cold, a monotone and slightly nasal. But he did sound worried about Duo. A friend?
"I'm fine... don't need... any help." Duo said tiredly. Treize frowned, why was he so defensive?
"You disappeared three weeks ago in the middle of the night and now you're back, things didn't change... ."
"I panicked and paid for it, satisfied Heero? Just another incident that shows what a fuck up I am." Duo, interrupted him, sounding lucid for a moment.
"We were wrong." came a light tenor. Treize froze at that voice, he knew it. He had heard it in his dreams. The young boy that always was challenging him to a duel. But he was supposed to be dead? Miri lied came a little voice in the back of his head, you suspected but really didn't know. So what else do you think that he lie to you about? Your relationship with him?
"Fine, you've both apologized. Drop off whatever you have and leave." Duo said tiredly. All I wanted was some space. And to be left alone. That's all I want now.
"Duo we've seen you... ." Heero said. "We're sorry that we scared you."
"Not recently, not voluntarily and not now. I don't need help."
"And where is... ?" Wufei asked.
"Bathroom and you don't say anything to him that he doesn't ask you about." Duo said firmly, cutting Wufei off.
"It is him." Wufei said in surprise. #I thought that Quatre was mistaken, but I guess not. I wonder how he survived the fight. I thought that I killed him.
"Yeah," Duo agreed, "But... he doesn't remember anything, but the last couple of years."
"Duo... " Heero said. Anything else that he was going to say was stopped by Treize coming out of the bathroom. He stared at Wufei.
"I dreamed about you... ." Treize said dazedly. "But Miri said you were dead, that your colony exploded." You all know me, but I don't remember you... how did we know one another?
Wufei just stared, shaking his head. Heero laid a hand on his arm, guiding him to a seat. Duo had rolled over and was staring at Heero, pleading with him with his eyes about something. Heero couldn't figure it out. Wufei just stared.
"His colony did explode." Duo said softly, finally, when no one else would speak. "He had to watch." Wufei, don't tell him that you killed him, please, I don't want him to remember the pain. He's away from that sicko, I can live with him not knowing me.
"I am sorry," Treize said sincerely, he was. No one should have to see that. "But... if you don't want to tell me... I will understand, but... why did you want to kill me? I dreamed about that, a lot."
Wufei pulled himself together. "Because of Justice. You had done me a grave injury, OZ had attacked my Colony a couple of years before it destroyed itself. My wife was killed in the attack. I then piloted a Gundam to avenge her. You lead the attack, my honor demanded that I kill you."
"Do you still want to?" Treize asked curious.
"No, because you can't remember it. I trust Duo, he wouldn't lie about you not remembering more then the last few years." Wufei said stiffly. I guess I really did kill you, no memories, expect with Mirialdo Peacecraft. Nothing of Duo. I'm always hurting you aren't I, Duo?
"Thank you. Can you tell me when the doctor is coming?" Treize asked.
"No doctor, I'm it." Wufei said.
"But... " Treize protested.
"I am a fully qualified medic... " Wufei started.
"... who's not seeing me now." Duo finished for him. Not now, I can't stand it myself, I don't want you to see what Howard did to me.
"Duo... " Wufei started. Why? What happened. I'm sorry about the hotel room. Why do you think you're ugly? What broke you?
"No." Duo said firmly.
"But... " Heero started, frustrated by Duo's stubbornness. They had seen him before, what was the problem now?
"No, but could Heero do me a favor?" Duo asked. Please just don't ask, don't comment, just do it.
"What?"
Duo pulled back his hair. "Can you get this off of me?" he asked, flicking one of his earrings. "Howard, that perv, said it was Gundanium, I don't know, all I know is that it's been welded on to me, along with a collar and bracelets... and... .stuff." he finished in disgust. "I guess Howard had the hots for me and... that night, picked me up... after... you know." Ran into the ambush like a rookie, I guess I was really shaken by your little offer.
"Howard?" Heero questioned. Howard? The guy that acted like you were public enemy number one for sleeping with Treize? Guess it is a thin line... .
"Yeah, Howard." Duo laughed mirthlessly. "Still around and running dope. I guess he tested a few things out on me, 'cause the last three weeks aren't a blur, they're nonexistent." Thank God. He mentioned sex... I don't want to remember. But I got T-chan out of there, so that's good. Mirialdo was gonna kill him someday, whether he meant to or not, if that night was a sample.
"Howard and Miri have some sort of business relationship," Treize said., "Howard showed up about two weeks ago with Duo and a couple of his flunkies. They all cleared out two days ago because of something, I didn't get the details." I was lucky I was coherent enough to hear what I did.
Heero shook his head and started to work on the earring. He was silent, poking around and shaking his head, Duo laid still, hoping that Heero could get him out of this, he didn't want to wear the damn things for the rest of his life. Wufei beckoned Treize into the bathroom, ignoring the glare that Duo shot him. As soon as the older man followed him into the bathroom, he shut the door.
"What's wrong with him?" Wufei asked bluntly.
"Miri raped him," Treize admitted quietly, "And I know that he beat him with a riding crop. He doesn't have enough muscle to take it, so his ribs are most likely a little bashed up too. But I can't tell, he's still doped out from whatever Howard was pumping into him to keep him asleep for the time he was supposed to be gone. And before that, from what I overheard, he had been subjected to a large number of different drugs. The cider didn't help, but I don't think that he realized it was alcoholic when he drank it. And he didn't eat a lot on top of that."
"Not again," Wufei muttered. "He is still screwed up from the first time."
"What do you mean, not again?" Treize asked harshly.
Wufei flushed, and cursed himself for the slip. Hell he didn't even know if it was true. "Ask Duo about the incident, he might tell you. What I know, is second hand and might be a guess from the person that told me it. Mirialdo Peacecraft had Duo in a storeroom for hours before the last battle of the war, when he was dragged out of there by... someone, the place was covered in blood and other... things. He won't talk about it, but the night he disappeared, Duo woke up screaming because he thought he saw Mirialdo again, which he had, since you two just escaped from him. We had all thought he was just having more flashbacks. He booked from the room that night because Heero and I erred in why we thought we were with Duo. And it hadn't been the first time that he woke up screaming, according to the people he's living with. But it hadn't been for a while, so when his therapist said that he should get out into a crowd, be comfortable around people again... "
"Miri did that to him?" Treize asked astonished. "He tortured him, why?"
Wufei sighed. "I'm not being difficult, but Duo asked that we tell you as little as possible. I think I understand his reasons... you might not though. Duo... is a very caring person. He... I can't explain it."
"I don't understand, why did he keep telling Miri that I didn't know him. Why was that important?"
"Under what circumstances was he telling him this?" Wufei asked coolly. He could guess, things probably got very odd, very fast given the participants in this little drama and their history.
Treize blushed. He really didn't want to tell a total stranger about that. Wufei shook his head. "I understand if that is a somewhat personal question. But before we leave, I just have one thing to say... look at me, Heero, Trowa and Quatre. Look at our eyes. Then look at yours. And you'll know why Duo doesn't want to tell you anything."
"What happened?" Treize asked quietly. He did know. They all looked tired, old, hurt. They had Miri's eyes, eyes that had seen too much. He didn't because he couldn't remember, but did he do things so terrible that no one wanted to tell him about it?
"The war, our lives. We... all of us... did things that no one should have to. I did things that were despicable, for a cause that I barely believed in. Heero and Trowa, that's all they knew was the fighting, the killing. Afterwards, we were all barely functioning. You forgot that. The things that you did, and Duo... "
"Why?" Treize asked, his voice pained. "Why won't anyone tell me anything. I have had dreams, about people and places... Miri would tell me that they weren't important, or that the people involved were dead, like you were supposed to be."
"I don't understand Mirialdo's reasoning, Duo... ask him. He may be a mess, but he is stronger then he looks. Duo has survived things... terrible things. He will tell you what you want to know if you ask him." Wufei said seriously, "He asked us not to, to because he doesn't want to tell you, but it is most likely be better if you don't get everything all at once."
"How come Duo knows so much about me?" Treize asked, puzzled. "You were all colonists. From what I can understand, I was the leader of the opposition. Why would he know so much about me?"
Wufei sighed. "I can't answer that. But ask Duo. But I said many despicable things had been done... but sometimes wonderful things happened."
Treize shook his head again, confused. There were so many questions that he wanted to ask, but he wouldn't. Most likely shouldn't. He'd let Kid, no Duo get some sleep, and ask him in the morning. He retrieved the glass of water that he had left in there when he heard Wufei's voice and walk out in the room with Wufei. Heero was shaking his head and cursing silently.
"As far as I can tell Duo, they're on there for good. Might be Gundanuim, but I'd need a scraping off of them, which, isn't going to happen if its what you think it is. But... I don't know what he did... there doesn't seem to be a way of getting them off. And I'm not pulling it off."
Duo nodded, looking miserable. "That bastard... ."
Wufei cleared his throat. "Will you let me check things out now?"
"No" Duo said firmly.
"Duo," Treize said softly, "Will you let me take care of things? I'll tell him what you need, it is my fault that things happened the way they did."
"No it isn't," Duo insisted, "Things happened because of a lot of shit that happened during the war and before it. You might say it all started when Howard built his Mobile SuitTallGeese, all those years ago with the Mad Five. Not that you know what I'm talking about."
"I don't, but I won't ask you about it until you feel better." Treize promised.
"Howard ... " Heero started
"... the happy pusher was one of the original designers for TallGeese. He told me that one night, when I was sober enough to have a conversation with him." Duo said, "Most of the time... " he shrugged. "Drugs are a good thing for Howard, they helped him ignore that fact that I wasn't the same kid that he was looking for when he nabbed me."
"So you don't want anything now?" Wufei asked.
"I don't know what he was giving me, how long it will last in my system or what. I can do without the pain killers, have been for a while. Don't like to leave... " Duo stopped talking, no reason to tell them that he was afraid that he'd OD on purpose one night, they'd watch him like a hawk.
"A glass of warm milk, and some salve for you back." Wufei said, "Treize mentioned that Mirialdo beat you."
"Shit happens." Duo agreed unconcernedly. "But I can do for myself."
"No you can't," Treize scolded him, "So let me rub the salve on you, tuck you in and we'll talk in the morning. I left Miri to get some answers. I would like to get them. And you seem to be the only one that has them."
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Duo woke up the next morning, wondering where he was. The room didn't look like his bedroom back in the Sank Kingdom. And it wasn't the room that Howard had him in, so where was he? He tensed for a moment, panicking when he caught a glimpse of someone next to him and then relaxed when he realized that Trowa was sitting next to him.
"Good morning Duo."
"Good Morning," Duo croaked, his mouth dry. He was naked, which scared him, who had undressed him?
"You've slept about twenty-four hours. I wonder what Howard was giving you to get that reaction? Treize has been wandering around the house a little. He worked out with Wufei and Heero this morning, kept to his room or the Library after that. And Treize was the one that undressed you." Trowa reported. He handed Duo a glass of water, which he drank down thankfully, after sitting up, pulling the blankets around him, to hide his body. Trowa politely looked at the ceiling while Duo was doing this.
"Thank you," Duo husked out, sounding a little better.
"Why won't you let Wufei take care of you?" Trowa asked.
"Man, they're doin' it again, you got to be the heavy, to ask stuff," Duo complained. "Howard, he got a little weird on me." Duo fiddled with the one of the hoops in his ear. "This is only the visible part... he also... ." He couldn't finish it. He was too embarrassed.
"I take it that earrings are not the only bits of new jewelry that's attached to you body?" Trowa asked gently.
"Yeah," Duo admitted, finding the sheets fascinating. "he... umm... kinda... really odd... places."
"Aha." Trowa said neutrally. Poor Duo, we haven't been there for you, when you needed us. And when Heero and Wufei tried, you panicked. Quatre and I knew what they were going to do, we thought that you might like it, that you might join us. It's an odd arrangement that we have, but we enjoy it. Normal never covered any of our lives before... why should it now?
"I can't get rid of them... he said it was Gundanium. And the reactions... " Duo's voice trailed off. He hated what had been done to him. But short of ripping everything out, which he wasn't that desperate yet, they were there for the rest of his life.
"Duo... "Trowa started gently, "We don't have the equipment to get rid of them here. But maybe, later we can do something. About Treize, what happened?"
'A couple of nights ago, Howard sobered me up, let me get dressed and we had dinner with Mirialdo and Treize. ' Duo started his story, "That was the first time that I saw him in almost two years. And he looked right through me! He didn't recognize me at all! I freaked a little, spent most of the evening looking at my plate, debating whether I was happy or sad that they wouldn't give me anything sharper then a spoon. But I listened to them talking, Treize was happy, it killed me, but if he was... Mirialdo just wanted me there to rub my nose in the fact that he won. We had that argument on the Libra, between him... . Books, roses, clothing, nothing deep you know? And his eyes, God Trowa, they're so innocent. He doesn't remember New Edwards, or the final battle or anything about the war ... his ghosts... . He must of hit his head real hard, I know that he's got scars, looks like the electrical system overloaded on him. That could have done it too."
"So he doesn't remember anything?" Trowa asked, when Duos topped rambling.
"Not me, but I haven't really talked with him, you know. If we got caught, I didn't want Mirialdo to hurt him again."
"Hurt?"
Duo blushed. "I guess that Mirialdo has a few kinks of his own, like Howard. And he took it out on T-chan." Duo stopped for a second. "I should call him Treize, T-chan's... gone... ." He was silent for a moment, then rubbed his eyes with the sheet. "I shouldn't be upset, T-chan... I love him, but... the war, the things that he did... those are memories that should be gone. I know, the relationship that we had is gone too, but he might be better not remembering."
"We called Une. She's happy that you are okay. I didn't tell her about Treize. I figured there was a reason that you didn't go to her, back to your home, when you had a chance." Trowa said as Duo fell silent again and curled up further under the blankets.
"Maria and Relena. If Mirialdo tracked us back there... they're gonna be caught in crossfire. And being his sister ain't gonna help" Duo said, "Not if he figures stuff out. And Maria doesn't need that. I know that you all can defend yourself."
"Mirialdo that bad?" Trowa asked in concern.
"I don't know. I... he scares me, more then anything, because... I guess you might say that he broke me. It wouldn't have been too hard at that time. But something Howard said, as I was leaving to go back to my room, that most of his people are scared of Mirialdo. He had mentioned it before. And that he... well, he thought it was the lesser of two evils. And Mirialdo is awful possessive of T-ch... Treize. And to find out that he ran off with me... ."
Trowa was finding it hard to follow Duo's rambling explanation. He realized that Duo was leaving some things out, but he did get the gist of what he was trying to say. He was going to ask a question when he was interrupted by a quiet knock on the door. Trowa raised his eyebrow, silently asking Duo if he wanted company. Duo nodded and Trowa, called out a quiet "Come in."
The door opened and Treize walked in with a mug in his hand. "Quatre sent this up for Duo. Said that it would do him good."
"Just put it down, I'll grab it later." Duo muttered.
Treize glanced between Trowa and Duo. "Duo... do you feel like answering a few questions?" he asked softly. "If you don't want to, I understand."
"No... I tell you what you want to know." Duo said softly. "I owe you it. Saved me from being Howard's little toy."
Trowa stood up and excused himself. "I understand that you probably want to be alone." He walked towards the door, but paused before he left. "Duo... if you want to talk later, I'm available."
"Okay, Trowa." Duo said.
Treize sat down in Trowa's seat. "I know that you are a little shy now, but could you arrange yourself a little better, so that I'm not talking to a disembodied head, it's a little disconcerting."
Duo snorted, shifting until he got comfortable, letting the blanket slip a little. It hurt, but he did have to move around a little. He grabbed the mug off the nightstand, just so that he had something to do with his hands. "I know this isn't much better, but I'm cold. You already got to see me in all my dubious glory, so that's not it."
Treize shrugged, "I am just glad that I managed to borrow something off a couple of Quatre's men, while they washed our clothing. And... it's only ugly because it was deliberate."
"Looks good on you." Duo said, ignoring his second sentence. "Even though I'm betting from the fit that it's Rashid's."
"It is, but everyone else was too small." Treize said with a smile. "Besides, I can't complain. Everyone has been nice to me. Not what I expected."
"What did you expect?" Duo asked, curious. He wondered what Mirialdo had been telling him.
"That if I was recognized, I'd be thrown in jail for war crimes." Treize said,
"You might be, but I doubt it. There was a pardon for everyone, you included. If not... you do have an alternative identity that was created for you."
"And who did that?" Treize asked softly.
Duo shifted and took a small sip of whatever Quatre was dosing him with. It tasted good, probably was an either an old family recipe of his or Wufei's, good for whatever ailed you. They did know that he hated drugs. "I did." He said quietly, putting the mug down.
"Why?" Treize asked. It had been hinted at by Wufei and Quatre, during their conversations, while he was waiting for Duo to wake up. But they had kept to generalities or small talk, nothing that would disturb him. But he got to observe his hosts, somewhat odd living arrangement. What he thought had been two couples, at times from the way they acted could also be a quartet. Most... interesting. He really didn't mind, it was just curious. And he wondered why Duo was part of it.
"We... it's complicated. And long and I don't know if telling you this will help. But I won't lie to you. We had a thing going during the war. Towards the end. And because of some stuff that happened, I created an ID for you, told you where you could find it. But... before I go any further, I just want to say that, may be, you might be better not remembering me. I hate the fact that you don't have a childhood any more, I always thought that it was probably a happy one. Or that you don't remember your friends. Hell I don't know who most of them were, except for one."
"What about me and Miri?" Treize asked, a frown creasing his forehead.
"You were lovers. He didn't lie about that. But what did he tell you?" Duo asked, hugging his knees and ignoring the tugging of healing cuts and bruises on his back. What lies did he feed you... letting you believe that you're gonna get imprisoned was low... but it kept you in line, near him, dependent on him, controlled by him, which is what he wanted, I guess, that bastard!
"Miri... " Treize started softly and then cleared his throat. "He said that we had known each other for a while, that we meet when we were young, children. And that his parents died when he was six."
"That's true. The Fedies rolled the country that he was born in when he was six, they both got killed, because they were the leaders. His little sister was about two or three. She got adopted, but that's another story. You were lovers up until the last year of the war. Then he left you. It was a confusing time for him... and I'm not saying anymore because, I'm not going to say nice things." Duo said, shivering a little and pulling the blanket around him tighter. He was so cold, but he was used to it. He was cold a lot, he started being cold as soon as he moved into the Sank Kingdom. He wondered why, it had been colder in the cabin by the lake in the winter time then the Sank Kingdom ever got.
"He left. How did we end up together?" Treize asked. A partial truth, better then nothing. I suppose, but... .
Duo laughed. "Man this is embarrassing. And long. But... you were important. You were running the show. We, the Gundam pilots, had been sent to Earth to fight back against the Fedies and later OZ. Mostly as terrorists. Sneaky stuff. And... our side, the guys that were giving orders... didn't care about anything, but their goals." Duo's voice trailed off and he took another sip of his drink.
"Wufei mentioned that he had done things that were terrible, for a cause that he didn't believe in."
"Wufei was right about that. We destroyed lives, families, anything nice it seemed at times. He... well the only thing keeping him sane was Heero. Quatre and Trowa were together then, a cute couple still." Duo's tone was wistful, then got serious. "And you were the same way. Maybe not as dirty as we were, but you did have your moments of sliminess."
"And those were?" Treize asked.
"Not telling," Duo said firmly. "Later I will, but... it was war. As someone told me, you look back and you think to yourself, 'I did that?!' Whatever was I thinking?' "
"That bad?" Treize asked, frowning more.
"Yeah, but it was for something that you believed in. And some of it, looking back, had to be done." Duo said sadly. "But it doesn't mean that it wasn't wrong to do it."
"So how did you and I end up together?" Treize asked, trying to figure out how. A party? A meeting? How?
Duo smiled, silly and sad at the same time, "I crawled into your bed when you were drunk and crying about Mirialdo leaving you, and fucked you silly."
"And the reason for this was?" Treize asked, wondering why someone would send such a solemn child into his bed. He was beautiful, but... .
"You were someone that needed to be watched. Our controllers," Duo spat out the word, "wanted to keep you occupied, while they sent someone else in to get information. I was supposed to keep you entertained,... it wasn't like I hadn't done it before. And if it wasn't me, it would have been one of the others, who had a lot more to lose. They were all together by then. As I said, dirty fighting. But you always knew why I was there. And you didn't mind. I amused you."
"Amused?" Treize asked shocked. Amusing wasn't something that he thought of, not with Duo's eyes looking either sad or dead. He wondered what they looked like sparkling with laughter, with life.
"Not in that way, but I was someone that you were trying to figure out why I was doin' what I was doing, in the beginning." Duo hastily explained. "But then I was someone that after a while you trusted, because I wasn't going to play politics with you. Or backstab you. And it wasn't all hot and sweaty sex. I cooked for you, we read together, watched movies, towards the end we were both trying so hard to be 'normal'. Just a two people that didn't have all this blood on their hands." Duo fell silent, memories crowding his mind. "And I didn't look like this. I... this happened before the battle that you were supposed to have died in."
"Miri tortured you?" Treize whispered.
Duo nodded his head, not bothering to ask who had told him that. "He wasn't himself. He was a Gundam pilot, too. And his... had a weird system in it. It told you things, messed with your brain. He wasn't screwed to tightly to begin with by then... so... " Duo buried his head in his knees, unable to talk.
"Duo," Treize said softly, "I'm sorry."
"I'm like this now... I... things just sort of broke down for me after a while... " Duo explained, his voice muffled by the fact that he was talking into the blanket.
"You don't have to tell me any more." Treize said.
"I will, just not now or today." Duo promised, still talking to his blanket. "I am so messed up. Not just from Howard and his happy pills, but... I was a street kid... and then the killings and... I am surprised that I lasted until after the war was over to be more insane." Just leave, walk out the door and I can cry and not look like an idiot.
"Duo." Treize asked, hearing the tears in his voice. "Do you want me to stay? I can be shoulder to cry on."
"I want that so badly... but you got Mirialdo now. I... I'll be okay. I've survived this long." Duo hated the fact that his voice was cracking and he sound so pathetic.
"Duo... what I had was an illusion that he made, by lying to me about what had happened." Treize said, gathering him into his arms.
"No... don't" Duo wailed, "Don't... make me want you... I dreamed about this... I want you and... NO!" Duo tore himself out of Treize's loose grasp and ran into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.
Treize waited a moment, then tested the door, finding it locked. He leaned against it, putting his head on the door. "Duo... I'm going to leave you along, but I'm sending Trowa or someone in here. I'm worried about you... " his voice was soft, he didn't even know if Duo heard him above the soft whimpers that he was making.
Treize walked out of the room, knowing that as much as he would like too, he couldn't help Duo and he needed it. Duo was a very troubled young man. And he had a part in doing that to him it seemed. And he had been living with the man that had tortured him. No wonder Duo had been screaming that Treize didn't know him and begging Miri not to hurt Treize. Miri had tortured Duo once and he was afraid that he would have done the same to Treize. Treize walked down into the living room, where the rest of the pilots had gathered.
"He's crying in the bathroom, behind a locked door. I... he needs someone, but he doesn't want me... could one of you please help him?" Treize asked quietly.
"I'll go" Wufei said, getting up. "I'm probably not a good choice either, but I owe him."
"Stay." Trowa commanded quietly, ignoring the shocked looks he was receiving. "He won't talk to you. He might not talk to me either, but... we grew up alike." He got up and walked out of the room, wondering what ever possessed him to be so... aggressive. But he had been the only one that Duo had talked to before, when Wufei had discovered him with Treize. Maybe he'd talk to him again.
Trowa made short work of picking the lock on the bathroom door, disturbed and relieved that he could hear Duo crying. Relieved that he wasn't going to walk in on Duo in a pool of blood or hanging from the shower rod. He wasn't too sure of the other's sanity right now. Disturbed because he was crying. Duo and tears seemed like two things that never should be together. Trowa eased into the room, making some noise so that Duo knew that he was behind him. Duo looked up sharply, curling into a ball to hide himself or so that he would be a smaller target, Trowa didn't care why, but the reaction worried him. Trowa grabbed one of the larger towels that were in the room and wrapped Duo up in one before cradling him in his arms. Duo continued to sob helplessly for a few more minutes, gradually winding down into sniffles.
"I'm not going to tell you that it's okay, because it never is." Trowa said softly. "But we can be here for you. I know that we never were before, but we can try now."
"Trowa," Duo whispered brokenly, "I want so badly to touch him, be held by him. It's been so long since someone touched me. Howard said that we... but I don't remember. I don't want to, but... God I miss him. That's what kept me goin' when Quatre had me out in space, alone all those months. That it would be over soon, that he'd touch me again... and then he was gone."
"You can start again... " Trowa said.
Duo laughed bitterly. "What try and recapture something that shouldn't been started in the first place? He should have someone that's new, someone that's not as dirty as I am. 'Cause he's new and innocent and shouldn't be reminded of what he lost. I'd be as bad as Mirialdo keeping him out there with the threat that if he leaves he'd be arrested for war crimes."
"And if he doesn't? What if he wants you?" Trowa asked gently.
"Trowa, a messed up street whore? Who'd want that?" Duo said bitterly.
"I don't know. I never thought that Quatre would want me. And I almost ruined it by believing that instead of letting him show me that he loved me. Don't ruin it for yourself, Duo. Let him get to know you again." It took the Barton Rebellion to show me that I shouldn't be running away from Quatre. That I was someone that could be loved, even without a name or a past. You helped too. I didn't realize that you had named yourself. That you too had no memories of your parents. That things had happened to you that made you fell dirty and used, just like it had happened to me. But you tried to overcome it, things just came crashing down on you later, when you felt that you could breakdown, becasue you decided that it wasn't worth it any more.
"He said... that... that all he had with Mirialdo was an illusion. But... it wasn't much better with us, we... he... it was our own world, 'cause we couldn't be in the real one. But... he tried to be nice to me... that's what made me... he cared... even after everything... he knew it all... and still. Luxembourg... Mirialdo was there and he said... that he didn't love him... and then... " Duo fell silent. "I'm so tired."
"Duo," Trowa crooned, softly stroking his hair. He was still drugged if he wasn't making any sense. The sentences had been disjointed and hesitant, Duo apparently struggling past something to talk to Trowa. "Sleep, you just need more time. We'll take care of him for you."
"Just... be careful what you tell him... he's innocent and I want to keep that." Duo murmured, "Someone should be, none of us are really, not Maria or Relena even. But I can't sleep any more. We, me and Treize have to get out of here or at least figure out what to do. He's gonna go ballistic when he finds out we ran."
"Howard?"
"Mirialdo," Duo's voice had a note of terror in it. He had hoped that the bastard was dead, but he wasn't and Duo was terrified of him, even if he was thousands of kilometers away. "Howard... he told me that he liked me because I knew what was important and what wasn't. He would understand that I booked given the chance to get T-chan away from Mirialdo. He offered to do it himself once. But he's still gonna be looking for me. His last words to me were that he owned me."
@@@@@@
Treize stared at the remaining Gundam pilots. "At the risk of sounding like an idiot, could someone tell me what a Gundam is? Duo mentioned it several times and I didn't want to side track him be asking him that."
Wufei sighed and shook his head. "A Gundam was a mobile suit that was made out of Gundanium. That is metallic alloy that can only be made in space. It hasn't been made since the war. How Howard had some is an intersteing question. And why he would do that to Duo... but I'm also digressing. Our, the colonial pilots, had suits made out of that. There were only five of us, from the five different Colony groups. We all piloted one. You designed a sixth one... the one that Mirialdo flew, it was called Epyon."
"Oh... Miri never told me that." Treize knew that sounded odd, but there was so much that Miri wasn't willing to tell him. He was willing to tell him about his childhood or parts of the war, but there were things that he wouldn't tell him about.
Heero snorted and Quatre just patted his knee, to calm him down. "What did he tell you? If you don't want to tell us, we'll understand. We're strangers to you. You and I just meet once. But Wufei did have that odd habit of trying to kill you. He should be an old friend on the strength of that."
"I dreamed of those fights and of a woman with her hair in a strange hairstyle, the most. Odd things other then that. Meetings, parties." Treize said, wondering if this group of boys could tell him what he wanted. They had been the enemy. But his experiences over the last couple of days showed him that his lover wasn't to be trusted either.
"That would be Lady Une, your aide de camp." Wufei said. "She's alive, I don't doubt that you were told she was dead, Mirialdo and she fought all the time, when he was Zechs Merquisa."
"Oh, but why didn't Duo take me there?" Zechs sounds familiar, but... its gone now.
"Because she's got family that could get hurt if it got messy. If Howard and Mirialdo found you again." Heero said, "I don't blame him... it's his home, too."
"Duo is living with my aide de camp?" Treize asked incredulously. "But how?"
"Allah knows. But they live together with her lover and... " Quatre shrugged, trying to change the subject. Maria was definitely something that could wait. "But... when I went to see you one night, to tell you that Duo was fine after a little... problem," Quatre blushed a little, "She told me that she missed him. It was so odd. Une, she's mellowed, but she was once known as the most dreaded woman in OZ. Now she's the head of an organization know as the Preventers. They were formed after the war to put out the small incidents that have popped up. "
"What was the problem?" Treize asked, trying to figure out what all the information really meant. It was so overwhelming. Howard had mentioned that he might be having trouble with rivals or the Preventers. And who weren't they telling him about, Quatre left something out of explanation deliberately. Living with Miri for the last two years honed his sensed about what was spoken and not spoken. What was being left out for him to guess, to keep Miri happy with him.
"As Quatre mentioned before, I did have this odd habit of trying to kill you." Wufei started, "And one night I broke into your quarters to challenge you to a duel. I found you there with Duo. That was the first time that we knew that he was with you. I dragged him back to our safe house, I had no idea what was going to happen, neither did you two. But Duo kissed you good bye and left, because he had to, that I think was when we began to fail him, as team mates. We were never close. We thought it was because he was the odd one out. But he had this intense, almost crippling fear of getting close to anyone, because everyone that he had ever loved died on him. So when he finally allowed himself to love you... it was wonderful, I think, we never spoke of it, because... "
"... we couldn't trust him." Heero finished roughly. "He wouldn't say anything about what he was doing there or why. It took Trowa talking to him, alone, to have him tell us anything. And Trowa even left information out. We found out that Duo had been sent in there to keep you occupied, because our controllers seemed to think that whore was part of the description of a Gundam pilot. We never said what happened, Duo just disappeared. They decided to send Quatre in his place... "
"... your reaction was to be horrified." Quatre laughed. "You told me I looked about ten. That was the only time that we spoke together. There was a coupe attempt while I was in your quarters, I barely got out of there in time. By then it had been a month since Duo saw you, we told him where you were and let him go. I don't know what happened, really, but he was only there for about a day when he came back with the information that Zechs, I'm sorry Mirialdo, had Epyon and was taking it into space. Duo, I think had used it once. The system AI was odd... it might be the root of his emotional problems now."
Treize shook his head, overwhelmed by all the information that he had just been given. "It's so much, I learned more abut myself in the last few minutes then I did living with Miri for two years."
"Don't worry about it," Quatre said, smiling up at Treize. "Just think about what we told you and what Duo told you. He wouldn't lie to you about anything that happened in your relationship. Honesty is very important to him."
"And you would?" Treize asked wryly.
Quatre laughed. "Its just that we don't know all that much about you. We can tell you about things that happened during the war, but... most of them should be forgotten." Quatre frowned for a moment. "Recent histories might be good for you to read, but... not now. Just make up your mind what you, as the person you are now, want to do. We can help you."
"Why? What do you get out of it?"
"You weren't the enemy, at the end of it," Wufei explained. "Things had denigrated into factional fighting on all sides. There was no 'us' and 'them' anymore. OZ, the Romafellers, White Fang, the colonies... everyone was involved in the fighting. During the last months of the war, people had no idea about a lot of things... friends, enemies, allies. You were under arrest by your own people because you told them that what they were doing was wrong and should be stopped. Which lead to a split between OZ and the Romafellers, then there were Pro-Treize troops that fought the regular army."
"I'm confused, "Treize said, interrupting Wufei's explanation, "It doesn't sound like a war anymore, but civil disorder, leadership by confusion."
"You are close about that. We were outlawed by the colonies. They sided with OZ because it was easier and convenient for them, not caring about the fact that a few months before you were fighting them." Heero said roughly. "But we can't give you a simple explanation. There was twenty years of war driving everything that happened. It's not simple. It's not easy."
"It was this gigantic, tragic thing, that had a life of its own, fueled by everyone that was killed in it." Duo said softly from the door.
"Duo, should you be up?" Quatre asked before Treize leaped up and helped Duo to the sofa. He was dressed in an oversized T-shirt and sweat pants that obviously belonged to Trowa, since the were both far too long for Duo.
Treize sighed and gently stoked back Duo's bangs. "I'm sorry." Duo had washed his face, but his eyes were red rimmed. But they were serene, content; better then the frightened or dead expression that had been in them before.
"It happens a lot," Duo said simply. "I seem to be crying all the tears that I couldn't when I was younger. No biggie."
"He insisted on coming down," Trowa said as he went over to sit beside Quatre, giving him a kiss. "It's probably not good for him, but he wanted to talk to us."
"Quatre," Duo started and sighed. "This sounds stupid, but we can't stay here. I scared that Mirialdo and Howard will find us. And Mirialdo before he started playing in Epyon, was abusive, that just got worse over time with him, using that damn thing for months."
"Where will you go?" Wufei asked.
"Any place, but it'll be better off planet, get lost in one of the colonies for a while, just until stuff dies down." Duo said. "That is if, you don't mind T-ch... Treize."
"I don't care.' Treize said quietly.
Duo sighed. "I know that. I don't think that I'm being any better then Mirialdo, dragging you all over creation, but... he scares me. And I don't want anyone getting caught in the middle of this mess ... you've had too much trouble in your lives to begin with."
Treize watched Duo close his eyes and slump forward a little adjusting himself to get into a more comfortable position. He could understand why Duo was afraid, Howard and Mirialdo were two people that he didn't want to cross himself.
"Duo... " Quatre said gently, "Iria is coming by later tonight... she was going to visit me anyways. Could she take a look at you?"
"Why is it that every time I need help from someone, they send me to the damn doctor before they do anything?" Duo asked humorously, opening his eyes. He was tired of crying, he'd try laughter now to fight things, it always worked during the war. And he was happier T-chan was alive and free. He just hoped that he didn't decide to move back in with the sicko.
"Duo?" Heero asked.
"Before I moved in with 'Neesan... she made me see Sally and start seein' Mina. She was afraid that I might wig out in the middle of the night sometime." Duo said lightly. "I did anyway but she was happy that I was getting help."
"Hn... " Heero commented. He'd seen that Duo had spent most of the trip out to rescue Relena just staring at Shinigami, his mind lost in the past. It had been troublesome, but he pulled himself together long enough to get everything done. Then he just collapsed again when the crisis was over.
"Well, she was worried. And she knew that I needed to be looked at... not that it would do any good, I'd been out in the cabin for a while." Duo explained.
"Well... I don't blame you, if you drove over that damn road... its lucky you still have kidneys left." Heero said.
"It was a nice place." Duo replied, "I liked it there. And I didn't drive... walked everywhere."
"Before we decide anything, " Quatre said, trying to get the conversation back on line, "Is there anyplace that you would like to go?"
"Anyplace but L2, they'd look for me there probably. Not that we aren't going to stick out." Duo said. "And... someplace quiet. Even after London... crowds and me aren't too good."
"Agoraphobic?" Wufei asked.
Duo shrugged, "Could be, Mina-chan never got around to that... but I did spend an awful lot of time alone staring at the stars during the last months of the war... "
"I'm sorry," Quatre whispered.
"Not your fault... you... you had other things that were more important... things that I wouldn't like. So you kept me busy and out of the way." Duo said uncomfortably. It was the past and it should stay there, but it kept biting him on the ass at the most inconvenient times.
End Part 18
Christine
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