12-Jun-2002
Title: Pacifist's Dream - Closer to the Heart
Author: von (sablexo1@yahoo.com)
Category: Songfic-Challenge
Rating: NR
Pairings:None
Spoilers: Series
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing characters and universe are the property of
the copyright owners. My stuff is mine. No money being made here.
Feedback: Any and all comments welcome, be they short or long.
Notes :kwycksylver: I have a songfic challenge, especially to those
who can write Relena very well. I think this song fits her pacifist
philosophy although the song can be interpretted many different ways.
I would love to see someone turn this into a songfic, anyone
interested?>
For KwyckSylver - Many thanks as well!
This picks up during the time where Relena is making her decisions about becoming the Queen of the World.
Was it just a few weeks ago, I turned 15? It seems ages ago now. I feel very old and tired right now. Sitting here, gazing out of the window desperately looking for answers.. the right answer, a direction
I can also feel a deep anger and resentment that I must never show at being placed in this position in the first place. I was told that I must make a decision for the sake of those fighting and dying beyond these walls. Every single second is precious and I feel like screaming. Is this what Father felt every day of his working life?
//And the men who hold high places
Must be the ones to start
To mold a new reality
Closer to the Heart//
Father. Did I really get annoyed at Father for not allotting me time from his busy schedule to give me attention for the simple reason that it was my birthday? I feel so foolish. In the darkness, as I am about to try and sleep, I ask Father's forgiveness and vow to handle my responsibilities. It is the only thing I feel I have left.
Now, I am called Peacecraft, but I have little knowledge of what that means. I feel like a sham. The only principles I remember being given came from Father and Mother. I lean on those lessons heavily and hope that they reflect those of the King.
//The Blacksmith and the Artist
Reflect it in their art
Forge their creativity
Closer to the Heart//
The decision to surrender Sanq Kingdom was a hard one. I thought of Father. I thought of what it meant to be a Pacifist and what I believed in. I reasoned that it was time to bend or risk breaking altogether. First Lesson. Where there is Life, there is Hope.
They got the Kingdom. I got the fighting stopped. Lives sparred.
Finding our way back to peace will not be easy. Each of us has a role to play. It has to be the duty of everyone to try. Everyone is afraid, but we must not forget that we are all a part of humanity.
//Philosophers and Ploughmen
Each must know his part
To sow a new mentality
Closer to the Heart //
In these times of war, there must be some who stand for the idea of peace. People fight out of fear and sometimes the fear perpetuates itself until it stamps out all reason and light. If I am perceived to be a symbol of peace, then I will do so without fear. I will live the Pacifist's dream and believe in the infinite possibilities of man, even as I struggle with the meaning of this conflict myself.
I know that there are others around me who believe the way I do. They are not men of war, but ordinary people whose lives have been thrown into chaos. There are also those who think that this is necessary and needed for all. I think that everyone utilizing every resource they possess will be needed to end the conflict, but that it must start with those making the decisions at the top.
You can be the Captain
I will draw the Chart
Sailing into destiny
Closer to the Heart
I have been placed in this room to make a decision. My captors have thrown me into what could be direct conflict with those I have been fighting to protect. I am told that I am to be Queen of the World. It is a joke... a rude joke, if I am to believe that my name is Peacecraft. I do not doubt Father's words. I just know that I do not feel worthy of the name.
So sitting in this deceptive prison, I can see darkness outside gradually give way to dawn. There has been the occasional flash in the distance and I feel that somewhere out there, Heero is fighting. I worry for him. Those in power see the Gundam pilots as insignificant. They are wrong. I see them treating the pilots much as they treat me. It will be a grave mistake I think.
I have come to believe that our destinies are intertwined. All of us are doing what we can to bring about peace. They fight in their way and I see myself as engaged in a different way. Our goals, however, are the same... peace for everyone and the restoration of freedom.
Staring outside once again, I find myself in this none-too-enviable position. So be it. If they want me to be a figure-head, then I will do it in my own way. With every opportunity I am given, I will assert and defend the principles of pacifism and call for new ways that involve everyone working together to settle our differences. My Fathers, both of them, speak with one voice through me. I know that I am not as strong as they are, but I will try. With my heart and soul, I will reach out to others and remind those who only see conflict as the ultimate answer, that there are other ways and we, as human beings must embrace each other and not fight. I have seen how fragile human beings are first-hand now. My eyes have been opened to the horror with my Father dying on a table in some underground. Guns are meant for killing, destroying. It is their nature. However, they do need human hands to operate them. It is that human that must be reached before we are all no more.
Light just broke through the window. It is time for the next stage of my destiny.
-owari-
von
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