23-Dec-2000
Hi Folks!
Warning #1: This fic is basically told from the point of view of an original character. This is about the characters from the Mission: Arcadia fic, whom we also wrote about in Mini's Trick or Treat. If you haven't read MA, this might not make any sense. Curious? Check it out from my and Von's, or Ravyn's sections on GW Addiction or at Darkflame's Archive.
This was written by me, with a bit of help from Von at the very end.
It is dedicated with all my love to the authors of the Ex-Fam team: Kateri Marie, RavynFyre and Diane Davis, and always, von.
Title: Kenny's Gifts (An Extended Family Fic)
Author: bonnejeanne (bonnejeanne@yahoo.com) with von (sablexo1@yahoo.com)
Archive: GW Addiction and if she chooses, Darkflame
Category: sap, AU
Rating: G
Spoilers: just for Mission: Arcadia
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing characters and universe are the property of the copyright owners. Our stuff is ours. No money being made here.
Feedback: Any and all comments, feedback, critiques welcome, be they short or long.
WARNINGS: AU (Alternate Universe), Original Characters
Kenny didn't get Christmas.
On the base where he was raised, no holidays were ever celebrated. Nor did they have anything resembling religion. If any of the adults had private beliefs, they knew better than to display them where others could see. So the whole concept of Christmas, both the religious, and the secular, was out of his grasp.
Kenny didn't like not understanding something and this is putting it mildly. So Kenny studied Christmas. At school, he interviewed the teachers and kids about it and took down their answers in concise notes. At home, he called up all the library files he could find on it and tried to read them all. This was quite a task, there was a lot to read, but Kenny organized his time as efficiently as possible in order to maximize his effectiveness.
Of course the main part of his study was supplied by Duo. Duo was aware that the kids, the five small boys they had brought back with them from a trip to another dimension, had been deprived of a lot of things during their short lives. It wasn't an unfamiliar scenario, since his koi, Heero Yuy, had also missed out on most of these same things. If the truth were told, Duo hadn't really had more than a taste of most of those things himself, but he was aware, and considered it his mission to open the door for the others, especially Heero, and most especially the kids.
So Duo was Kenny's source for anything that fell into the category that privately, Kenny called "human". And Duan, Kenny's best friend, was Kenny's secret mentor, a fact that Kenny never revealed to the young boy with the wide violet eyes and long braid. In Kenny's eyes, Duan was as close to perfect as someone who was not Heero, his idol, and Duo, his other idol, could be. He was the perfect person to wrestle with, play Hide, Catch or Stealth, do anything with really, and most of all the perfect person to simply sit with, be with, any time of the day or night, 24/7.
So Kenny listened to what Duo told or showed them about Christmas, and studied Duan's reaction to it.
But even after all this, Kenny still didn't get Christmas.
He wanted to. To say Kenny was a child prone to obsession with succeeding would be a drastic understatement. It wasn't his fault, really. He'd been trained from a very early age to succeed, to accomplish. He'd been someone's little pocket experiment in creating the perfect soldier, and though the experimenter had expected to have a lot more time, and his training was barely begun when it ended, it had dominated his earliest years. Kenny was seven years old and had been in training since he was four. If it hadn't been for Duan, and his mother, Kenny might not have been salvageable, from the point of view of being human. At least not for a long time. But almost every moment he'd not spent in training had been spent in the company of the base's resident imp of mischief, and though his mother had agreed to the training, she'd still tried to give her son the love he was being pulled away from. Agreeing to the training had been a grave mistake, and in the enclosed, military society they lived under, not an easy one to rectify. Kenny's mother had lost her life trying to do so, trying to escape with her son from the base which was the only human settlement that they had any knowledge existed. The event of her death, alone in the wilderness, in Kenny's arms, had almost broken the small boy, had silenced him and sent him deep inside himself until he'd been helped by a young man from another world. Then two young men from that same world had come and accepted the mission to take out the base, before it could complete a planned attack on the defenseless city of Arcadia. When Kenny looked into the eyes of these two young men, older boys some would say, Gundam pilots in their own universe, he'd known with wordless shock that he was looking at something impossible. In Heero Yuy's Prussian blue eyes, Kenny had seen the depth of a kindred beyond his comprehension. In Duo's violet eyes, he'd seen an echo of his best friend, and a compassion that surpassed anything he could understand. He'd trusted them almost on sight, this boy who trusted nothing and no one, and had loved them from almost the next breath on. When they had chosen to take himself, and Duan, to keep and raise, he'd accepted his first and greatest real miracle. When he'd gotten brothers in the form of Wufan from the base, Tryan from the Carnivale, and Carter from the second base, Kenny had recognized the working of something vast and mysterious, to which he pledged his life, and the almost untapped capacity of a heart long held in confinement.
So Kenny wanted to understand. But the more he studied Christmas, the more he just didn't get it.
"Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the House, Not a creature was stirring..."
Not entirely true. One creature was stirring. Kenny, however, in stealth mode, would not have disturbed even the smallest of mice, if there had been any, which there weren't. It had taken patience to wait until everyone else was really asleep, but Kenny wasn't able to sleep on this night of nights, and patience was one of his better riffs anyway. Unusual for a small child, but it was Kenny all over.
Sneaking out of the top bunk without waking Duan was a major hurdle, but the braided child was finally sacked out, sleeping off a mild sugar binge courtesy of Duo. His long braid was curled over his shoulder and tucked under his cheek and his face held a faint smile. Kenny froze and watched him for a minute, not because he was afraid of waking the boy, but because looking at Duan's face with that expression gave Kenny a peaceful feeling and he needed a little of it right now. As silent as a shadow, there were no outward clues, but the child with the indigo eyes was in turmoil. It was Christmas Eve, after all, almost too late for him to understand the mystery of Christmas for a whole year.
Slipping silently out of their room, he padded down the hall and went downstairs. He paused, in the archway to the den, and looked up at the tree. Its bright lights were twinkling, reflecting off the ornaments and tinsel. Duo had surprised them all with the tree, the decorations, the special meal that included treats like gingerbread and plum pudding. They'd celebrated, and sung carols, and Kenny had been certain that he was going to get it then, but later, in his bed, something had mocked at him and prodded him to stay awake. You don't get it, the inner voice had said, sounding suspiciously like the voice of the old scientist who'd trained him. And a single doubt was all it took.
Kenny sighed, silently - he was still in stealth mode - and turned away from the fascinating sight of the tree, which did induce certain unfamiliar feelings into his chest, but which had not given him the last puzzle piece either.
He padded to the office and climbed on the desk chair, turning on the computer that was there for general, and mostly for the kid's use.
He pulled up the list of Christmas-related articles left to read. Total number of articles: 2,784. After filtering for duplication, comparable content and substantial cross-references: 802. Number read: 731.
With another silent sigh, Kenny cued up the next unread article.
It wasn't such a task. Kenny could read and assimilate written material with incredible speed. But as the list dwindled, he began feeling something that battled with his determination to succeed. This something came in the form of a sort of resignation. A voice in his head explained that he wasn't going to get it, not because he hadn't read the right article, or looked at the decorations closely enough, or listened to the right carol sung in the right key... the voice told him he wasn't going to get it because it wasn't for him. Christmas was just another of those things that was for everyone else. And not for a little boy who was trained to be the best at everything except feeling.
Rubbing his eyes, he tried to argue with the inner voice. 'I feel things,' he thought. But the assertion was mocked by that hollow place inside, the place where he put his feelings whenever they got too painful. Other people didn't do that. They felt the hurt and then it went away and they felt the happiness. They didn't have that hollow inside. Maybe that was where the Christmas feeling was supposed to come from and he just didn't have it.
Kenny tried to think of an answer to that but he couldn't. He told himself that Duo would say there wasn't anything wrong with him... but what if Duo didn't know? What if Duo found out that there was? He knew Duo would never forsake him, but he couldn't quite bear the thought that the braided young man might be even the slightest bit disappointed in him. Heero... Heero might understand. But Kenny decided that it wasn't right to bother Heero about it. It wasn't that big a deal. If he couldn't figure it out, it didn't matter. It would be over soon anyway.
Kenny glanced up at the screen where the next to last article was waiting for him to read. It was an old story called "The Gift of the Magi".
'Gifts,' he thought. 'Gifts are like Duo getting all the decorations and stuff for us.' They hadn't talked about giving presents, but Kenny fixed on the notion of gifts. Most all the articles talked about them. They seemed to be an important part of Christmas.
Kenny got up without reading the story and decided to go for a walk. He wasn't worried about going out alone, he was a very self-sufficient child and he didn't plan to go very far, just around the block and back. As he walked, hands in his pockets and deep brown hair falling over his slightly bowed head, he tried to think if there was any way he could come up with gifts for his adopted family. Maybe if he could give his loved ones a gift, then not getting Christmas, not feeling it, wouldn't be quite so bad. Everyone else would feel it, and that might be enough.
Deep in thought, Kenny tried to decide what if anything he could do about this idea. The problem was, he didn't have anything much, and it was the night before Christmas, well let's face it, it was early Christmas morning. And even if he'd had more time, he wasn't sure what he could make or buy, even if he managed to get money or materials.
It took three trips around the block before he had a plan worked out, and one of those trips included a slight detour to investigate an unusual noise. But by the time he returned home, he had it down. It wasn't perfect, but it would have to do. There was no other way he could express what was inside him. Before going inside, he stopped on the porch and had a short, silent conversation with his mother, something he almost never did any more. But he wanted to explain to her, even though she was just an image in his mind, that what he was going to do didn't mean he was giving any part of her up. It was just that he had to find a way to make this Christmas thing work for someone, no matter what.
Silently he crept back into the house and up to his room and managed to pull out a small bag containing the only things he'd brought with him from before. He took the bag downstairs and began making his preparations. When he was done, he crept around the house, from room to room. Next to each person's bed, he left something, and when he was done, he knew he could not go back to his bed, it was too difficult, and too easy to sit up listening and that wasn't what it was all about. So he slipped out of the house again and climbed the big tree up to the roof, perching on the top to watch the first rosy rays of Colony dawn brighten the artificial sky.
When Sallah woke up and stretched, letting out a yawn and thinking of what kind of special breakfast she wanted to make... pancakes, possibly, in the shape of that character, what was his name? Santa Claus... she noticed that there was a small bunch of flowers on her nightstand. Smiling, she picked them up, thinking of her son, Wufan. A small note dropped from the bouquet.
"Dear Sallah. Mom taught me how to make these once. I know they aren't real but maybe you remember when we didn't have any real flowers at the base. I know you were her friend and she liked you, so merry Christmas from my mother, Dori. And from me too. Kenny."
Sallah saw that the little flowers were made of sheets of colored tissue, carefully folded and fanned.
Wufei found a small envelope next to his bed, made from a folded piece of red paper. Inside was a note, and a small coin.
"Wufei sifu. I read that in China, people give money in red envelopes on holidays. I don't have any money but this was called a dime, and it used to be money where we came from, a long time ago. My mother kept it as a reminder. Will you please keep it so that you remember that all of us are really glad you are here and that you agreed to be our teacher? Thank you and merry Christmas. Kenny"
Tryan woke up because something wrapped in a small towel was making small noises next to his bed. Stuck in the towel was a note.
"Tryan. I found this when I was walking. I looked really hard but I couldn't find its mother and I think it might be alone. Could you maybe take care of it for a while? I know it's not a lion but it kind of looks like one. I bet you miss them, huh? I'm glad you came with Heero and Duo. Anyway, merry Christmas. Kenny"
The towel wiggled some more as the abandoned baby kitten pushed its way out and meowed.
When Carter woke up, he felt something that seemed to radiate from a place next to his bed. As soon as he was awake, the feeling faded, but by then he saw the small note and the little piece of glassy rock on top of it. The irregularly-shaped piece seemed to reflect a rainbow of iridescent colors.
"Dear Carter. This is a fulgerite. That's a piece of rock made when lightning hits sand and makes it melt. My mom found this one time after the Storm, she told me. It makes me think of you cause we found you in the Storm. Would you please keep it for me? Thanks a lot. Oh, merry Christmas. Kenny."
Wufan found a small, thin, and worn paper cover book next to his bed, with a note tucked inside. The name of the author on the cover was Richard Bach and it had a picture of a white bird on it, faded but discernable.
"Wufan. I know you like books. This was my mom's. I've read it a bunch of times and I don't get it, but I bet you will. Maybe you can explain it to me. I'm really glad you are here. Merry Christmas and love. Kenny."
Heero's note said:
"Heero. My mom told me this ring belonged to my father. He got killed on a patrol before I was born. Will you keep it? It might not fit. I love you. Kenny."
Duo's note said:
"Duo. This is a picture of my mom. This is what she looked like. Will you do me a favor and keep this for me? I don't think I told you this cause I'm bad with words but in Arcadia I had a dream and she was smiling cause she liked you and Heero. Thank you for Christmas. I love you. Kenny"
But Duan woke before everyone else because he'd become aware of Kenny's absence. He found his note, wrapped around a lock of hair the same dark color as Kenny's, with a small piece of uniform ribbon tied around it.
"Duan. This was mom's. Please keep it for me. I love you. You are the best friend anyone could ever have and if there's anything to this Christmas stuff, I want you to have it all. Merry Christmas from your friend, Kenny."
And Duan pulled on his clothes and opened the window, and climbed out onto the big tree, and up to the roof, where he knew Kenny would be.
When he got there and saw Kenny, he smiled. "Hey," he said, sitting down next to Kenny. Reaching over, Duan hugged Kenny hard. "Merry Christmas," he said. "I love you too. I promise, I'll keep it safe."
Kenny reached his arms around automatically, having gotten used to the whole hugging thing during the days in Arcadia, with Duan and the two older boys. His friend's bright, expressive voice fell on Kenny's ears with those few simple words that didn't seem surprising or out of the ordinary, considering. So why did his chest suddenly feel very tight, like it was going to bust? Like it was going to burst open with something too warm and too shining to be contained?
Why did his eyes swim with moisture, suddenly? Kenny had cried before. Always it had been when he was feeling an almost unendurable sorrow or sense of loss and it always left him with feelings of shame. But this moisture didn't hurt like those other times, didn't make him feel like he was cracking apart, like he'd messed something up. The tight warmth in his chest and the bright sparkles of water sliding down his cheeks didn't hurt at all.
'I'll keep it safe,' Duan had said. He understood what the little lock of hair meant to Kenny.
'I love you, too,' Duan had said. His perfect friend, the wise and mischievous child with the violet eyes, loved him, Kenny, and somehow Kenny was suddenly sure that this was true whether he got it or not.
'Merry Christmas,' Duan said. And there it was, all in one package. The tight pressure in his chest burst into a tingly warm feeling that ran through and settled in the center of him, glowing gently. The sparkles ran down his cheeks and away.
His arms tightened in a sudden extra squeeze that almost made Duan's eyes bulge. Then Kenny took his friend's hand in a firm grip, and a slow smile stole across his normally solemn face like breaking daylight.
"Merry Christmas, Duan," he answered, and he suddenly hugged Duan again. Not a solemn, careful, Kenny-like hug, but a full-out, rib-squeezing glomp. And even though he realized, now, that it hadn't really matter at all, the way he'd though it did...
Kenny got it.
~owari~
The book Kenny gave Wufan was Jonathan Livingston Seagull.
Merry Christmas to all and to all a Good Night!
bonnejeanne
Please send comments to: bonnejeanne@yahoo.com