Title: ESO
Author: bonnejeanne (bonnejeanne@yahoo.com) and von (sablexo1@yahoo.com)
Archive: GW Addiction
Category: yaoi, AU? Epic Saga...
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: 1x2, 3x4, ?

E.S.O. - by bonnejeanne and von -

Part Eight: Quatre's dilemma... Pilot's conference...

Leaving the hangar in search of Wufei, Trowa glimpsed the Chinese pilot heading for the quadrangle. He was too far ahead to stop without shouting, but it was clear where he was going.

Trowa followed and rounded the corner in time to see Wufei walk into the room he shared with Quatre. He quickened his pace and walked inside the room himself, locking the door behind him.

"Wufei," Trowa said, leaning against the door.

Wufei turned slightly, holding up his hand. Trowa immediately saw why.

Quatre was sitting on the floor of the small room, his shoes gone and his vest and shirt removed, in a cross-legged pose reminiscent of mediation. However his face did not look serene or calm. His eyes were closed and his brows furrowed as if in pain. His hands were raised to his head, as if he'd been massaging his temples, but his fingers were splayed, clutching his head as if trying to still an inner storm. His bare chest moved with labored breathing that completed the impression of someone in the throes of a struggle.

Neither did he appear to have heard Trowa's voice saying Wufei's name.

Trowa moved forward instantly to go to Quatre's side. There was a deep frown on his face and a new sensation gripped at his heart... panic. He moved past Wufei and dropped to the floor next to Quatre.

"Quatre!" he called and then reached up and took Quatre's wrists in his hands.

The blond shuddered, his body communicating extreme tension through the limited contact. His eyes opened slowly and the usually sparkling aqua depths were clouded.

"Trowa..." he managed to say softly, his voice strained. He licked his lips. He seemed to be not entirely conscious of what was before his eyes. His face twisted slightly as he appeared to make some enormous effort, perhaps to gain more focus.

Wufei came and sat on his heels in front of the Arabian, frowning.

"Quatre," he said, in a quiet but firm voice. "Look at me. Look here." The words were almost a command. Quatre's eyelids fluttered and he turned, looking towards Wufei. His eyes seemed to meet the Chinese boy's dark ones. The contact seemed to strengthen him. After a moment, the tension in his body relaxed slightly, but did not completely leave. Taking a deliberate, deep breathe, Quatre released his clutching hold on his head, and lowered his hands... it seemed to take a great effort to do so.

"Yes..." he said softly. Then he turned to the one beside him. "Trowa... it's... alright... I think. I'm sorry... I didn't want... you to see me like this."

Trowa felt the familiar chill wash over him, dropping his temperature as the darkness of space called to him like a siren. The wrongness he felt threatened to pull him back to that time when he was alone and drifting. He fought it. "Quatre," he heard his voice say. "What is this? What is wrong?"

Wufei moved behind Quatre and began gently but firmly massaging his neck and shoulders.

"I'm... not sure," the blond said, unconsciously sighing as the massage began to tale effect. "It' something... I've been feeling on and off... for a few weeks now. In fact, I'm not sure, maybe longer. At first," he said, his voice strengthening, "It was like... very brief, very far away... maybe just a brief nightmare. Then it seemed to happen at other times. Last few weeks its been... very strong," he said, and though he was clearly making an effort to keep his tone light, there was an undercurrent of fear, and perhaps of pain.

"What's been happening?" Trowa asked, and then looked at Wufei. "Let's get him on the bed." he said.

"I don't need... to be put to bed," Quatre said quickly, and perhaps even a little harshly. "I'm not going to... break! Wufei... is helping... thank you..." he said, and closed his eyes for a moment, then straightened himself, took another deep breath, and then rose fluidly to his feet. The extent of the effort it cost was greater than it should have been, but he was steady - if only by sheer will.

Wufei stood up also, and glanced over at Trowa, shrugging slightly. "I think you better tell us what it is you are experiencing."

Quatre nodded slightly. "All right," he said. "But I'd rather tell it as few times as possible. I hate to interrupt... but maybe you better see if Heero and Duo are able to come in here."

Wufei nodded and slipped out. Quatre turned to Trowa, looking up at him through eyes that were clearer, but still stressed.

"Trowa," he said softly. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to snap at you. But sometimes people seem to think I'm... not strong enough. And I am... stronger than people think."

Trowa felt conflicting emotions rip through his soul. He took a deep breath to calm himself, reaching for the one thing he had once to get him through the torture that had been his early life... It had started with hurt and then had frozen to anger and finally cemented to distance and numbness. 'But I don't want to be that way... not with Quatre,' a voice spoke from inside. 'By any means necessary,' he heard in response. The statement had come to be one of the codes he had adopted to live by.

He took another breath, and looked down at Quatre through the shield of his hair. "Yes, I know that," he replied quietly. "And I know you are strong, Quatre. What I don't understand is why you never told *me* about this. Seeing you... like that.. It took me off-guard."

"I'm sorry," Quatre said. He reached up and touched Trowa's face gently. "I'm truly sorry. But sometimes... I don't think you understand how... alike we are. There are many things... that I don't show the world. I would have thought that you... of all people would understand why. Just because I try and show something... doesn't mean that's all there is to me. I never told you because... I didn't see any reason to worry you, over something that might turn out to be..." Quatre caressed Trowa's cheek lightly, then turn away a little, as if he did not want to face the other boy when he said the next words, "Something that might be... psychological..." He paused, and then said, "Like what happened when Father died. Everyone tends to forget... or maybe I just never mentioned it... but it wasn't the Zero system that put me in that... state of mind. It just reinforced it."

Trowa looked down as he folded his arms across his chest. "I never thought that the Zero system put you in that state of mind, Quatre." Trowa said, clearly. "I knew it was grief... pain. I've seen it countless times." He looked back up at Quatre who was turned away and smiled a little as he continued, "And the fact that you thought to hide something you suspected was.. psychological?? .. from me?"

Quatre turned at that, and there was an emotion in his eyes now that Trowa had never noticed before. "Trowa, have you told me everything about your life? Every detail? Every pain? Everything you are ashamed of? I've never asked. I loved you without needing to know. And I've never accused you of hiding anything from me, have I?"

"No," Trowa conceded, "You have not asked me for anything. You have loved me when I did not love myself, or even know myself. I'm sorry, because it is all irrelevant to what I am feeling. I should have said that when I came in and I saw you on the floor, I was afraid. I was scared that you might die, Quatre." he said, then took another deep breath.

Quatre took Trowa's hands. "I might die, Trowa, and you might die. We're soldiers. We both faced that all our lives. I've watched you walk away from me without having any assurances that I would ever see you again, more times than I can count. You can't do this. Don't be like my father - don't try so hard to protect me that you don't know who I am. Don't you realize? I need your understanding as much as you ever needed mine."

Trowa nodded. "I understand," he said. 'Coward! Fool!' he heard, his own personal demons cry. 'Now is not the time.' he felt himself answer, clamping down the emotions with as much cold as he could muster. It was easier now. The little vacation floating in the vacuum of space had left Trowa with a deep well of cold to be used at his discretion. Green eyes looked up into Quatre's wide ones. "I'm learning who you are, Reberba Winner," he said.

Wufei slipped out of the door and went to another door in the quadrangle. He listened at the door for a moment, then knocked.

Two seconds later, the door opened. It was Heero. He was dressed in a towel that covered his waist. "Yes," he said, looking at Wufei.

Wufei allowed himself to enjoy the sight of the half naked Heero Yuy. He didn't even bother to hide the slight curve of his mouth when he spoke.

"Get dressed," he said. "Something is going on with Quatre and he needs to talk to all of us together. Bring the braided baka with you, will you?"

"Sure," Heero replied, noticing the look on Wufei's features. "You're better, I see." he said.

"Better than what? I think you are talking about yourself, not me," Wufei said, with that slight, insufferable 'Wufei' tone they all knew so well. "As much as I applaud the idea that you are taking some time for recreation, events have been moving without you. Better catch up."

"Yeah," Heero said, simply. Then he turned to go dress, removing the towel from his waist. He looked over where Duo was supposed to be. The braided one was already dressed. Heero scowled and grabbed clothes attaching them to his body as he moved.

Wufei leaned in the doorway, showing no indications of doing anything other than watching the reverse strip-tease.

"Get your eyes back in your head," Duo growled, coming to the door.

"I can look, no law against that," Wufei said, and he actually smiled at the American. Duo tried to scowl but instead an answering grin came over his features. "Well, I can't fault your taste," he said, leaning next to Wufei in a similar pose. When Heero zipped his jeans, both young men sighed.

Heero looked up at both of them and shook his head. "Let's move," he said, heading for the door.

When they got to Quatre's door, Wufei opened it slightly, then stopped, listening. He closed the door and turned around. "Just a minute or so," he said.

Duo's eyebrows went up. "Since when did you become Mr. Sensitive to other people's feelings?"

Wufei looked back sternly. "I've always been sensitive. I just rarely choose to do anything about it. Just because a person doesn't parade a Greek tragedy before you doesn't mean they are insensitive."

Duo's mouth dropped open, then he scratched his head. "Uh... okay! No problem!" He turned and looked at Heero like, 'what gives?'

Heero shrugged. "Wufei is very sensitive... so are you." he remarked. "That is why I am better than both of you."

Duo rolled his eyes. "Oh brother."

"Accurate," Wufei said simply. Then he knocked on the door, and opened it, going inside.

Quatre sat on the bed, reaching for his shirt to put in on and button it.

"I'm sorry we had to disturb you two," he said quietly. He looked quite a bit better than when Wufei left, but Heero and Duo, who hadn't seen him before, saw a noticeable strain in the eyes of the young blond, and the still-residual tension in his shoulders and body.

"Forget it," Heero said and glanced over at Trowa, then back to Quatre. "We needed to talk anyway. What did you need to tell us, Quatre?"

Quatre took a breath and released it, slipping his vest on. He was still barefoot, and crossed his legs on the bed. "Wufei and Trowa came in and found me... having an... episode. I don't know what you would call it. But since I was going to have to try and explain it to them I thought I might as well include you. We're all going to be working together out there," he didn't need to gesture to indicate what they all knew.

"Over the last few weeks I've been having little... moments. At first it wasn't so bad but they've been getting stronger, and closer together. The last one was before I left to talk to Trowa. This one... was the worst," he said and the strain in his voice was palpable. "It's very hard to describe. At first it just feels like... disorientation. Then it gets worse... stronger. This time... the last few times actually, I haven't been sure during some of it where I was, or how much time had passed. I can see what is around me but it... looks different. Odd. Unfamiliar. And this time I actually stopped seeing, and saw... other things... it was like... seeing some other place... seeing through other eyes..." he glanced down and saw that his hands resting on his knees were shaking slightly and clasped them together. "The visual disorientation isn't all. I feel... other things. Thoughts... feelings... unlike anything I've ever experienced. As if I'm someone else... but.. more than that... the thoughts... the emotions... they don't feel... human." Quatre swallowed, then looked around to see if there was anything to drink on one of the tables.

Wufei got up and got a cup of water from the adjoining bathroom.

"Thank you," Quatre said, drinking the entire thing. "That's... that the best I can describe it. I try to control it... to stay in touch with things... to not act on the thoughts... and I've managed... but this last time was... the worst."

Trowa raised his head and glanced at Duo and Heero. "You're a medium," he said. "I know it sounds crazy, but maybe it's true. You are somehow seeing and experiencing things through the perceptions of ... whatever they are. So, I guess you could be the proof that they exist... or you could be having a psychotic episode." he finished, folding his arms back over his chest and leaning back against the wall.

Quatre choked and laughed suddenly. "Thanks!" he said, but his eyes twinkled a bit, returning to the more customary Quatre expression.

"I think the medium theory is more likely," Wufei said seriously. "It would make sense. We need some way to get intelligence on the ESO."

"What are you saying, Wu-man? Are you saying that..." Duo hesitated. "That the woman... made him like this, deliberately?"

Heero looked up at Duo with raised eyebrows. Then, he scowled as his mind confirmed that it sounded like something that could be true. He sighed. "Well, we needed an inside man," he said. "Looks like Quatre is elected. And Duo, if that's true, then she made you the way you are too." he added.

Duo scowled at the Japanese boy. "I need proof," he said. "Quatre... knows who his parents are. I can see that - it's a stretch, but I can see it. You..." he took a breath, "You I can see. Maybe even Wufei. But Trowa and me... we're flukes. Orphans. It's not possible."

Heero shook his head. "I don't think so," he said. "I don't have proof, but we can ask her for some."

Duo shook his head. "No. Proof... it doesn't make sense. For that to be true of Trowa and me, it would mean someone had to have been keeping track of us the whole time... someone would have had to make sure the 'experiment' didn't get lost or something... someone... Professor G, you SON OF A BITCH I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!!" Duo said, suddenly turning towards the door with murder in his violet eyes.

Heero moved. "No!" he said, placing a hand in the middle of Duo's chest. "This is more important. You can kill him later. Trowa you got a problem with this?"

Trowa shook his head. "I don't." he said. "Besides, it's Master O who is the saboteur. I talked to Doktor S. He told me that O hasn't been sleeping and acting suspiciously, lately."

Heero looked up into Duo's eyes. "Are you in?" he asked.

Duo's eyes continued to blaze, but he stopped pushing against Heero's hand. He took several deep breaths. "All right, I'm in. But only because of you," he said and turned back to the room. "All of you. We go together, I guess, or not at all."

Quatre said softly, "Yes, together. And I've been thinking about how to deal with my... problem. I am certain that... I can control enough that, if I have to, I can self-destruct before I do anything dangerous to anyone."

'Maybe I'm a part of this after all,' Trowa thought suddenly. "I don't have anything to control, but I know space. I can self-destruct as well, if need be. I can certainly blow up a Gundam. Done that too," he said.

Heero looked around the room. "We can all self-destruct if need be," he said. "Anyone got a plan on makin' it out alive?"

"Certainly," Wufei said. "I plan on making it out alive. I think you should all take your notions of self-destructing and stick them where the proverbial sun doesn't shine. If we don't make it out, how do we know the Earth will be safe?"

"Well put, Wufei," Heero commented. "The answer is ... we don't. So we make it. Next topic. We have a spy, some Gundams... where's Zechs?"

"Well, I came to ask Quatre if Zechs could take his shuttle, He might have gotten tired of waiting and found another means of transportation. He is going back to Earth. I think he is going to try and find out what group is behind the sabotage attempts. Master O isn't doing this all on his own," Wufei said distastefully.

"Good," Heero said. "So what is left? Our plan. We also have some questions that may be answered. I'm going to visit Alfa later."

"I'm going with you," Duo said. "I just have to hear whatever you manage to get out of her."

Wufei said, "I am going after Master O." He looked at Trowa. "Want to come?"

Trowa nodded.

Quatre took a deep breath. "I will go see Oma. I think I might be able to find out things as well. I'll try, anyway."

"Then, let's move," Heero said, heading for the door.

Next... Zechs returns... 4&5 hunt...

Comments eagerly welcomed!

bonne & von

Comments? Email bonnejeanne@yahoo.com or sablexo1@yahoo.com

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