05-Apr-2003

Title: Criminal
Author: Von (wufanpo@yahoo.com)
Category: Songfic, Mild Angst
Pairings: 4+D, 1+R
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing characters and universe are the property of the copyright owners. Our stuff is ours. No money being made here. Song "Criminal" by Fiona Apple used without permission. Feedback: welcome. Sorry for the crossposts.

Criminal by Von

Relena Dorlain looked in the mirror and then down. Somehow, she couldn’t bring herself to totally believe the young blond haired woman who had managed to gain entrance to her private rooms. In fact, after finding out what the woman had done to a good friend of hers, the former Queen of the World wanted very badly to step on her toe or something equally as useless, but self-satisfying. Through her network of friends, Relena had found out just what type of woman that she was, and it had come as no real surprise. She had known Dorothy Catalonia for a number of years. She had experienced, first hand, the backside of her tongue. When it came to ideals and strategy, Dorothy was keen and a match for anyone. When it came to feelings and matters of the heart, it seemed like the lady had much to learn.

"I just don't know, Dorothy. I think it might be a bad idea," Relena said turning back to the young woman, who sat gracefully at her nightstand.

Ever well tailored, the granddaughter of Duke Dermail, looked cool and slightly aloof. It was only her light blue eyes that betrayed her.

"Miss Relena," she began, in an all too familiar voice Relena remembered from earlier times.

"First of all, I know what you think of me. I won't waste your time with boring excuses. I'm here because I... need your help," Dorothy continued. Looking up, she locked eyes with Relena. There was something in her spirit that dared the Angel Darling that was Relena to laugh at her weakness. ‘But she won't… It's not in her nature.' Dorothy thought and that cooled her temper, but did little to calm the snakes wriggling in her stomach.

Dorothy's statement caught Relena off-guard and made her suspicious at the same time. Something was going on here that was different. If Relena wasn't mistaken, Dorothy's manner resembled something akin to remorse or confession, yet not a hair was out of place.

Relena sighed. "Of course," she heard herself reply and made a move to come closer. Dorothy's raised gloved hand stopped her.

"Before you accept," Dorothy said, gambling, "I'm not looking for pity, or a shoulder to cry on. What I'm looking for is solid advice, something I can use. I think you have what I need. That's why I'm here."

Relena's brow furrowed a little. "If it's the subject I'm thinking, I'm not sure I'll be objective enough to do what you ask," she said, sitting down.

Dorothy folded her hands back into her lap.

"Fine. I can accept that," she said. "I'll remove the mystery and tell you up-front that it concerns Quatre Winner."

The name fell easily from her lips. Inwardly, Dorothy felt a wave of anger and regret. Teal blue eyes came to her thoughts as if summoned by some rub of the genie's lamp. With them came memories and private moments that no one would ever know. There was a scent, a caress, or a long, lingering embrace where the world felt absolutely safe and anything was possible. She had been given enough room to drop her guard and she yielded. Much to late, she found that she had made a mistake. To save herself, she had to kill the unicorn and in so doing had scarred herself for life.

"Hn," Relena said. "I don't know if I'm the person you need to speak to, Dorothy. I consider Quatre Winner a friend." Looking up at Dorothy, she thought it best to lay everything out on the table. Evasiveness was not her strongest suit. "I… I saw him afterwards," she continued, knowing that she was being indelicate, but feeling very strongly for Quatre. "It took some time for him to regain himself after your disappearance."

Dorothy looked down. She knew that this was part of the test. And while she could feel the pain, she also knew that this was mild to what she would eventually have to face.

Raising her head, she straightened herself. This was the most important thing she would ever have to do in her life. Like war, nothing was guaranteed.

"I understand," she countered, searching Relena's face. "I apologize for making this hard on you. But, like I said, I have little choice. You are my last hope."

Relena was just about to brush the comment off because it felt too much like the trap she had been caught in during the war. The term "Queen of the World" made Relena shiver. The expression on Dorothy's face, however, stopped her cold. For a moment, Dorothy looked open and vulnerable.

"What do you need from me?" Relena said.

A small smile etched itself across Dorothy's face. "Your thoughts and your opinions. I need your guidance, Miss Relena. You are honest and true. People listen to you, whether they want to or not," she said.

Relena looked up. Then she stood. "Dorothy," she began, "It's clear to me that even if I wanted to help you, this is something that you'll need to do yourself."

This time Dorothy stood herself. "I understand what you're saying, Relena, but that's not what I need you for. I can face Quatre Reberba Winner on my own. It's…. You miss the point."

Taking a step forward, Dorothy shook her head. "Don't you get it? You, Relena Dorlain, are Angel Darling of the world. The things I've done would never even have crossed your mind. You, you're like him, whereas I'm all plots and maneuvering!"

"It's the way I am, Miss Relena," Dorothy said, feeling her heart beat in her chest, fueled by emotion. "And people don't change."

Relena shook her head. "Oh come now, Dorothy," she began.

Dorothy smiled sardonically.

"Perhaps I can put it a little plainer," Dorothy said, interrupting. "I don't need the kind of redemption you're thinking of, Miss Relena. I didn't come here looking for the right excuse to make." Taking a step closer, her pale blue eyes fastened onto Relena's with a captivating reptilian stare.

Relena met Dorothy's gaze, steadily. "All right, Dorothy. I'll tell you what I'd do. If it were me in the same situation, I would apologize. I would be as honest as I could without expecting anything in return," she said. Taking a step back, Relena flexed her hands. "Furthermore, if your intent is only to deceive him, don't expect him to ever trust you. Now that's all I know."

Moving to the door of her office, Relena opened it.

"As for what words to use," she said. "I'm afraid you're on your own."

Dorothy turned. Before she could grasp what was happening, she saw Quatre Winner standing on the other side of the door. Her blue eyes widened, unable for a moment to move from his face.

Relena looked from one to the other of her guests. "I'll leave you two alone," she said, quietly. Stepping outside, she watched as Quatre moved passed. Her head tilted slightly as she saw something in the blonde Arabian's eyes that she had never seen before. His teal colored gaze was fixed on Dorothy.

Closing the door completely, Relena felt a small stab of envy. "Being an Angel isn't always you think, Dorothy," she said, softly.

"You're not always an Angel, though," a deep voice said behind her as a hand clasped around Relena's shoulder.

Turning, she looked up into cobalt blue eyes. "No, I'm not," she said, feeling a deep sense of relief.

For a long moment, time seemed to stop.

Dorothy felt her heart pound in her chest and suddenly there was no air. In trying to swallow, she felt her throat parched and dry as the desert of his ancestors. But there he was, standing before her, the sum total of her sins.

Her pale blue eyes rose to scan Quatre's face. Imprinted into it she saw the lines of worry and the tiny scars of change that had not been there before. Beauty marred by her actions, her hand, and her words were reflected in his face.

Instinctively Dorothy reached inside for that two-faced, fork-tongued card which read: "Cold-Strength/Pain-Hide". Instead, she found only whispered words in her head. ‘Criminal Bad Bad Bad'. ‘They'll have to do,' she thought.

Then, he spoke.

"H... hi, Dorothy," Quatre said, a little hesitantly.

Finally, Dorothy was able to meet his eyes. The words came back instantly, condemning her for all of the crap she had put him through. ‘Not good enough for him,' she thought, struggling for a breath to respond. At that moment, however, there seemed to be a large lump in her throat, preventing speech.

Reaching inside once more for protection, Dorothy found none. This time, she had to go it alone… bare. Then she remembered. She had never been a coward before.

‘I could lose him,' she thought, as the walls inside began to crumble. ‘But, was he yours from the start?'

"Quatre," she said, hearing her voice only a whisper.

She had been through wars, seen loved ones die, others disgraced, but this moment was the toughest she had ever been through in her life.

When she looked up Quatre was closer, but not quite touching. His scent touched her nose and filled her like a promise. She felt her body relax marginally. She could at least breathe again.

Watching her, Quatre felt a range of emotions passing through him. For a moment, he struggled to discern which ones were his own and which were hers.

He had practiced this moment from the time they had parted. He had points he wanted to say, things he wanted to tell her, but her presence had all but wiped them from his mind.

For months, he had attempted to describe what Dorothy had meant to him to Rashid, and to Trowa. In the end, he had found some common ground, but Quatre realized that his point of view could never be explained adequately.

He'd received comfort from friends and family, but not consolation.

Seeing the other part of himself, Quatre reached out and folded his arms around her, pulling Dorothy against him.

Dorothy felt the warmth envelope her like a glove, but she was not ready for it. She had not fulfilled her part. She was still tainted.

Her body understood what her spirit was trying to tell her heart. It stiffened in Quatre's protective embrace. Lifting her head, she met his eyes steadily. This time her voice took on its power.

"No," she said, feeling her heart break, even as her resolve strengthened. Shaking her head, she continued. "I can't pretend like I'm innocent. I won't," she said. "I… I don't deserve your warmth."

Quatre looked down into her tortured eyes and smiled slightly. At that moment, he felt as though they had both grown up a bit more. In that, he found a way to hope.

"Even a condemned man deserves compassion," he said, softly.

"Evil deserves no dispensation," Dorothy said. "What I did was evil. It was callous and it was cold and calculated to hurt you."

Closing her eyes, Dorothy took a deep breath and released it slowly. ‘There,' she thought, feeling some of the invisible bonds loosen. ‘Not pretty, but it's the truth.'

Quatre tilted her face up to him. He kissed her cheek and forehead without letting her go. "And what I did, was far worse," he said. "I let it happen and didn't try to stop it. All I can say is… . I was afraid of change, Dorothy."

The soft kisses felt good, like a balm on her burnt out soul. But Dorothy could not trust to hope… not yet.

"But you're a Gundam pilot. You're not afraid of anything," Dorothy said, defending him.

"Rhetoric," Quatre replied. "I ‘was' a Gundam pilot. The war is over. Gundams are no more. I'm just another ruined person trying to atone before I die."

Dorothy frowned. She didn't know why this made her angry and hurt, but it didn't matter. She hit Quatre's shoulder. "You will always be a Gundam pilot. Please. Don't take that away from me."

"Ok, I won't," he said.

‘Be honest,' she heard Relena's words say. Moving in Quatre's arms, Dorothy tried to free herself. He was not holding her hard at all, but her strength was no match for his. She felt like a trapped bird.

"I can't .." she began. "I can't leave it like this, Quatre. It wasn't your fault. This is all my doing. Please try and understand. I pushed you away. It was easy. I …"

"Why?" Quatre asked, looking down at her and refusing to let her go.

Dorothy swallowed hard and looked back at him. "Because you deserve better than me. You deserve someone like Miss Relena, who is nice, and kind. I can't give you the comfort like someone like she could. I don't have it in me to be soft. You need and deserve that kind of comfort Quatre," she began, feeling the door of her own hope beginning to slam shut. Yet, she felt she had to continue. She owed him that much. His own confession did not excuse or exonerate her.

"I will never be the girl who cries easily," Dorothy said, looking down. As a counterpoint to her words, she felt warm water fall over her cheeks.

Quatre felt Dorothy's struggling cease. Leaning his face against her damp cheek, he asked, "Dorothy Catalonia, do you love me?"

‘Damnit!' Dorothy thought, ‘He doesn't understand.' "Yes," she answered, her self-purging complete.

The young Arabian man smiled like sunshine.

"Then you are what I want. I already know, without a doubt, that you are what I need," he said.

Dorothy shook her head. "You're a fool, Quatre Reberba Winner," she said.

"That's what people tell me," he replied. "Of course, they don't always say it aloud."

"They understand me," Dorothy countered.

Quatre tilted her head up to him. Without hesitation, he kissed her soft lips, pressing them open to complete the embrace.

Dorothy felt energy drain from her body. She told herself that she was too tired to fight and how these moments would not last.

But the kiss was sweet. It felt right. It felt solid. She slid her arms around Quatre's waist, feeling the contours of his body, so familiar to her now. Her body formed around his as if they were a single entity.

‘Don't hope, criminal,' she said to herself.

Eventually, all thoughts quieted.

A short while later, Quatre moved his head back. "They don't know you like I do," he said. "Especially, if they can not see me standing beside you."

"But …," Dorothy said, in a last attempt to make him understand. A finger placed on her lips silenced her.

"No," Quatre insisted. "I won't let you take that from me. And as far as what I deserve, if it isn't you, then it's nothing I want."

"What if I hurt you again?" Dorothy said.

Quatre looked into Dorothy's eyes. "Then, I'll work twice as hard to discover my mistakes and make it up to you," he answered.

Dorothy frowned. "That doesn't make sense," she said.

Quatre pulled her over to a nearby chair and placed Dorothy in his lap. Leaning his head against her chest, he heard the beat of her heart.

"We will work it out," he said.

Dorothy wrapped her arms around his neck, wondering if she had left something out. Nothing that had happened was what she expected. "You're assuming a lot," she said.

"So are you, Cat," Quatre, "That was why you came to Miss Relena in first place, right?"

Dorothy opened her mouth in surprise. Somehow, he had trumped her with his straightforward logic… again.

"Touché, Winner," she replied, lifting his head. Looking into Quatre's teal colored eyes, she felt foolish once again.

"I missed you," she said.

Watching the expression on his face move from smiling to serious, made Dorothy's breath catch.

"I missed you more," he said, then kissed her deeply once again.

-owari-

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