17-Feb-2003
Title:Behind Blue Eyes - A Fic Inspired by Yoiko and The Who
Author: Von (sablexo1@yahoo.com
Category: Mild Angst
Pairings: None
Spoilers: Series
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing characters and universe are the property of the
copyright owners. Our stuff is ours. No money being made here. Song "Behind
Blue Eyes" by The Who used without permission.
Feedback: welcome.
Dedicated to Yoiko...
A half empty bottle of Wild Turkey sat on the hard wood floor next to him like a silent soldier awaiting orders. Under his right hand was a full shot glass of the golden liquid, all but forgotten in his quiet contemplation.
//No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes//
'Well what now?,' he thought looking off into the distance.
The alcohol had dulled some of his legendary edge, leaving him open and vulnerable. The mask was off. It sat on a small table watching him. His distinctive red uniform coat hung on the back of a chair, waiting.
//No one knows what it's like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies //
'You've accomplished your task and gotten what you wanted. Millardo Peacecraft is as dead as what's left of your heart. Long Live the King!' he thought.
Raising the shot glass, he downed the bourbon, only faintly registering a taste.
"Rest in Peace," he said to the empty room. No answer was returned.
//But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free//
Wars are heartless. Men are compelled to do things, commit atrocities in the name of peace and vengeance and then live with the consequences. No one is immune. Everyone involved is stained and tainted forever.
My love is vengeance. I have lived to avenge the dead.
//No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you
No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through//
Pouring another shot, Zechs wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand. Even now, he could feel the bricks and mortar of his soul kick into 'self-repair' mode. He was a soldier. He had been trained, absorbed the contempt of his peers and been ridiculed behind his back as something less. 'Trieze's Pet' they had called him and with every taunt, he worked hard to shove it right back down their throats. The memories that lived within him whispered that hard shell he had created was slowly killing him. While he agreed, he fought against that too.
He was an officer. If he was unworthy to be a King now, then he would be the best, hardest damned soldier he could possibly be. He would comport himself with the highest code of honor. There would be no chink in his armor...ever.
//But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free//
Stretching out on the cool wood, Zechs placed the shot of whiskey to one side. His long, platinum hair fell over his arm and he leaned his face against the floor. His blue eyes drifted shut and for a moment, he remembered his long ago dreams. He never understood why they stuck around. Hope was futile.
//When my fist clenches, crack it open
Before I use it and lose my cool
When I smile, tell me some bad news
Before I laugh and act like a fool //
'You cannot hope,' he thought. It was a mantra he had repeated to himself until it had become a part of his existence.
Whatever smiles he had as a child went up in bullets and flame.
'Who are you trying to kid?' he thought. 'That is the entire problem. Yes, you overcame your circumstances. You found the poison and killed it. The family is avenged. You became some perverted version of a soldier, but you exist in two worlds.' Blue eyes blinked open and the full shot glass filled his vision. His own words mocked him.
'The hard life of a soldier,' he thought, derisively. 'What the hell do you know of it? Really know of it. You're a shadow of a King and now a shadow of a soldier. You are a void and you are devoid.'
//If I swallow anything evil
Put your finger down my throat
If I shiver, please give me a blanket
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat//
Closing his eyes momentarily, Zechs sat up. Reaching for the shot glass, he raised it to his mouth. A second later, the full glass rose in a perfect arch and collided with a far wall. The shards of glass made fairy music as it showered down to the floor.
Zechs stood. Enough time had been wasted on his tantrum. Moving to the bedroom shower, he turned the cold water faucets on full and then stripped off his pants. Stepping into the barrage, he braced himself for the discipline of the cold shower.
A short while later, he emerged. Only the ever-present sadness lingered. The mask was on again. Crawling under the sheets, he closed his eyes... and dreamed.
//No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes//
-owari-
Please send comments to: sablexo1@yahoo.com