June 23, 2000
Argh! This just begged to be written (now you know why I never get anything done...)
I do not own these puppets
Shy
by Ani DiFranco
This comes before "Burning Out". DxR
[guitar riff]
"You..." Relena stares blankly at the door, as if expecting it to fly open, slamming twice against the wall before being stopped by a pale, fragile seeming hand. "I'm sorry, what were you saying?" She wipes her forehead, which is beaded with sweat, on the sleeve of her maroon dress and wishes she had something to tie back her hair with.
[well the heat is so great it
plays tricks with the eye]
"It *is* hot in here, Miss Relena," an anonymous student says, perking up visibly as Relena nods at her. "Could we move class to the dining hall? It's air-conditioned in there..." The rest of the class nods their agreement, and Relena smiles wanly, thinly, and moves to get up. The teacher shrugs and walks from the room, expecting them to follow without word.
She freezes as she sees Dorothy, standing by the classroom window, one eye-brow arched, amused. "What's the matter, *Miss Relena*? The heat too much for you?" Relena swallows hard as the blonde girl pulls out a gun and aims straight for Relena's heart, her finger quivering on the trigger. They stand there, transfixed, staring at each other, until a loud noise breaks the silence.
"Miss Relena!" She feels a tug on her arm, and Dorothy disappears into the shadows. "Are you all right?" Relena brushes her off, telling her that she is fine, and allows herself to be herded from the classroom, eyes never leaving the window.
They turn a corner into the dining hall, one of the older girls holding the door open for her, smiling at her beneath coyly lowered lashes. Relena ignores her; it is a power crush, a desire of something one does not have. Instead, she takes a seat at one of the round tables in the back and stares off into space. She watches the kitchen staff fix the food, and winces as a large bowl of tomato sauce falls onto the floor, spraying everything with red, red, red, red...
A slender figure kneels by the mess and begins scraping it back into the bowl. She looks up, and Relena chokes back an exclamation of surprise as Dorothy grins at her behind the cook whites. Her blue eyes linger over Relena's form before Dorothy disappears, leaving only a small kitchen aid to clean the tiles.
[turns the road into water and the
water to sky]
Relena stands on the balcony overlooking the driveway, enjoying the slight breeze that ripples through her long blonde hair. She watches the cars pull in and pull out, regular and perfectly uniform. The parallel of her own life is enough to make her laugh, and enough to make her want to cry.
Her eyes widen comically as she sees Dorothy, running along the black gravel, naked, her long hair covering her breasts, screaming, "Come kill me, Relena!" The blonde Queen of the World shivers, suddenly very cold.
[and there's a crack in the concrete floor
that starts at the sink]
Back in her room, she splashes her face generously with cold water from the faucet in her bathroom, her body arching into the chill from her hands. On impulse, she reaches behind her, unzipping her dress, letting it fall away to the floor, a red puddle in the fluorescent light.
Her entire body is so hot...she rests her head against the cool glass of the mirror, leaving a foggy imprint of her nose. She turns the faucet on again, and wets a pink washcloth, dabbing at her face, her long neck, her heavy breasts, the long line of her torso and then her thighs. Over and over until the cloth is no longer cold and there is water pooled in her navel, shimmering with every sharp movement.
Relena looks into the mirror and sees Dorothy, on the knees, licking up and down her stomach, tongue flicking across her hips.
The sound of glass breaking echoes throughout the bedroom.
[there's a bathroom in a gas station
and I have locked myself in it to think]
"Relena, please come out..."
"No, I'm quite capable of--sniff--taking care of myself, thank you--sniff--very much," she sobs, making a face as she pulls another shard of glass from her bleeding hand. It drips slowly onto the floor, each drop making a small red circle. She dips her finger into the blood and writes Dorothy's name on the sink. Then, as if realizing what she has done, she rubs it out with the palm of her hand.
"Relena, we'll break down the door if we have to..."
"Go ahead, I don't care." And she finds that she means it, for the first time in her life, she really doesn't care.
[and back in the city the sun bakes
the trash on the curbs and]
"It's so nice of you to take us on a field trip, Miss Relena," a petite girl with dark curls exclaims, sighing at the shops that line the street. "There's so much to buy! It's so pretty, here!"
Relena smiles, but turns her attention back to Dorothy, who sits next to the girl, making faces and mocking her words. "Yes, Miss Relena, it's so nice of you to take us on a field trip. What's the matter, forgot to study for your International Relations exam? There's so much the buy!"
[the men are pissing in doorways and
the rats running in herds and I got a]
She points to one lonely corner where a young boy leans nonchalantly against a telephone pole. "You could buy a night with him. Probably only a dozen credits or so. He even looks a bit like Hee--"
"Shut up," Relena hisses, and the girl shoots her an odd look, but says nothing as they continue to ride through the Sanc Kingdom. She feels her face reddening, and whips out her fan, trying to hide her flushed countenance. What she feels for Heero is nothing to laugh at.
"--ro," Dorothy finishes, smirking. Then her pretty gray eyes light up like a storm and she points wildly. "It's so pretty here! Look at that, a pack of rabid rats..."
Relena wonders briefly how many tricks the boy's turned today... And Dorothy continues to taunt her, all the way back to the school, to her room, and into her dreams.
[dream with your face in it
that scares me awake]
She sits up in her bed, grabbing at the pink satin sheets and pulling them up to her chin. She gropes around her nightstand and swallows a few sleeping pills. They go down easily, even without water, and she soon finds herself dozing off.
When she wakes in the morning, she sees Dorothy, lying spooned against her back, one arm thrown over Relena's hip. "Mmm..." she purrs, eyes opening slowly. "Was it good for you, lover?" She flings the sheets off her bed and runs into her bathroom, one hand clapped over her mouth, Dorothy's laughter trailing after her. When she comes back, the specter is gone.
[I put too much on the table now
I got too much at stake]
"Relena!" Her head jerked as she saw several foreign ministers staring at her. Blushing, she cleared her throat and took a long swallow of water. It was cold enough to give her gooseflesh.
"I apologize, sir. I've had a long week..."
[and I might let you off easy]
"Well, that was an interesting display of self-pity and denial all wrapped into one big...fat...lie..." Dorothy stands by her chair, whispering in her ear, even as Relena begins to outline her ideas for defense systems for the Sanc Kingdom. Her tongue flicks out and runs along the outer rim of her ear. Relena begins to sweat visibly.
"Gosh," she laughs nervously, pulling at the collar of her dress, "isn't it hot in here?"
[yeah I might lead you on
I might wait for you to look for me]
The two guards look at each other, shaking their heads, trying to hide their smiles behind white gloved hands. "Miss Relena...is...not available right now..." one of them says tactfully. Zechs looks from one to the other, and they can tell by his lips that he is trying not to smile and failing. Another scream of anger erupts from the room, followed by the sound of wood cracking against a wall.
"AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! You *bitch*! Where are you?! Come out and fight like a man!"
"Who's in there with her?" Zechs asks quietly behind one hand. The two guards exchange glances, fighting silently over who gets to have the honor of breaking the news to Zechs. "Well? A secret lover?"
"Aa...there's no one in there..." The second guard snorts. "And I believe that may be her problem...she's looking for someone, I guess..." Another roar of anger leaks out from under the door, followed by the sound of cloth tearing.
[and then I might be gone]
"Hmm..." The blonde soldier looks from one bodyguard to the other, and shakes his head. "I wouldn't trade my job for yours for all the money in the world. Good day, soldiers." They salute, and wait until Zechs is around the corner to burst into laughter.
[there's where I come from
and where I'm going]
Relena stands in the center of her room, surveying her destruction. Her rage fades away as she sees a picture of her father, lying torn on top of a few chair legs and curtain rods. Kneeling beside it tenderly, as if it were really her father, she strokes the glossy paper with one hand, the other desperately wiping away tears.
"Aa...look at this mess. Relena Darlian, what were you thinking?" she scolds herself, not seeing Dorothy in the corner, about to materialize and then slowly fading back into black... If she had looked, she would have seen the almost smile creeping over the girl's face.
[and I am lost in between
I might go out to that phone booth
and leave a veiled invitation on your machine]
"Hello, Relena."
The blonde girl's hand itches to hit the erase button on her answering machine, yet it falls unsteadily in her lap. She crouches by the black machine, as if she could somehow get closer to Dorothy by doing so.
"You know who it is."
"I'm coming by tomorrow, Relena."
"Will you be waiting for me?"
Beep.
"DAMMIT! STOP STALKING ME!" she screams, ejecting the tape and flinging against the wall. It makes a strange squeaking sound, and then yards of brown filmy tape springs out, curling into tight ringlets.
[you'll stop me
won't you]
"I'm running away," she tells her guards as she leaves. They stare after her in amazement, watching as she turns the corner, heels clicking ominously on the marble black and white tiling. Ahead of them, Relena smirks and begins to walk a little faster as she hears an indignant shout behind her.
She bursts into the kitchen, eyes wide with excitement, and shouts, "Take the day off! I'm running away!" She looks down and sees a pink stain where the tomato sauce spills and pauses to swipe a spoonful of today's sauce from the plastic bowl.
The head chef stares at her in shock for a few long moments, then a soft smile curls around his mustache and he holds out a sandwich. "You'll need lunch soon," he says, and then goes back to slicing turkey. The blonde Queen stares at her employee, then laughs bitterly and, lifting her skirts to her knee, begins to run.
[if you've heard this one before?
yeah the one where]
They all shake their heads in unison as the metal door swings shut. "She'll be back in time for dinner," one burly man predicts as he slices his hand open with the carrot peeler.
[I surprise you by
showing up at your front door]
"Dorothy!" Relena gasps, out of breath, her cheeks flushed. "What are you doing here?" The blonde girl rolls her eyes and flips her long, platinum blonde hair over her shoulder, accidentally catching Relena in the face. "I thought--"
"Didn't you get my message?" she asks. "I said I was coming over."
"Tomorrow," Relena snaps, feeling the first pangs of annoyance. No matter where she goes, she can't get away from this girl. "I have to do, Dorothy. I have business in town. Please step aside," she added politely, her smile too tight to be natural, fists clenching her long skirt.
"I'll come with you," Dorothy says simply, offering Relena her arm.
[saying let's not ask what next?
how? or why?]
"Why are you--"
"The weather's nice today, isn't it? Almost makes you forget there's a war going on, Miss Relena." The Queen of the World shoots her a funny look, but says nothing, falling in step with the slow gait Dorothy uses. The sun burns its heat into her back and Relena sways, feeling dizzy. "You're tired, Miss Relena." She pushes her down to sit on a bench beneath a large tree, its leaves wispy and flickering in the slight breeze.
She pulls out a bottle of water and wets the edge of her skirt, wiping Relena's face and neck. "You need to take care of yourself, Relena. A battle is meaningless when either side is weak." Unconsciously, the blonde girl leans into the touch, eyes nearly falling shut. Dorothy continues to lecture Relena about the war. She sits, letting the cool touch of her hand and her words wash over her.
"Have you ever loved something, Miss Relena? Not infatuation, like with that god-awful Gundam pilot, but real, burning desire? Have you ever loved something so completely..." Her fingers travel down from her face to her neck, skipping lightly over the corded tendons there under the pretense of straightening her collar. "...That you wanted to destroy it and bathe in the ashes?"
Relena's eyes snap open and the two blonde girls stare at each other, wary.
[I am leaving in the morning]
"What do you m--"
"Do be quiet for once, Miss Relena," she says huskily, and pulls Relena in for a hard, bruising kiss, her tongue parting the pliant girl's lips, taking and taking until Relena feels dizziness overcome her again.
[so let's not be shy]
They find a cheap motel, the likes of which Relena has never seen before. She feels her lip curl in disgust as Dorothy picks a spider off the doorknob. "Just until the morning," she suggests, and Relena finds herself nodding in silent partnership.
They kiss, lips coming together hard, then pull away and kiss again, hands tugging at fastenings, standing in front of the cheap bed with noisy springs. "Um...Dorothy?" Her eyes flicker nervously to the window and back to the blonde girl who tugs at her bra gingerly, like she was defusing a bomb.
"What?" the girl sighs as she pulls on Relena's skirt, ripping a long slit up to her thigh. "Don't tell me you want to stop now..." Relena feels herself drowning as teeth sink into her shoulder, marking her with bloody prints.
Complaints forgotten, she murmurs, "Again..."
[the door opens
the room winces]
"Uhm...who's there?" Relena calls out, groggy and confused. Her voice sounds scratchy, like a record played backwards too many times, and freezes as a hand caresses the length of her leg. "Shit!" Hollow laughter floats from beneath the sheets, followed by soft sucking noises.
[the housekeeper comes in without a warning]
"I didn't know you could swear, Miss Relena--"
"You can come back some other time!" she shouts, trying to muffle the sound of her name. It sounds so large and earth- shattering as it echoes from all four corners of the room. Disbelief began to spread through her, unfreezing her nerves and numbing her to the shock.
[and I squint at the muscular motel light]
"What time is it?" Dorothy sounds as disoriented as she; the thought amuses Relena and she begins to laugh. "What's so funny, ma'am? I swear, I wasn't doin' nothin' illegal--" The allusion to their games from the previous night stretches her beyond her breaking point and the Queen of the World begins to laugh hysterically, wiping tears from her eyes with the corner of the pillow.
Her eyes focus on the housekeeper, who is still looking nervously from Dorothy to Relena. She gives a little moan as something pulls in her shoulder as she crawls from the bed, ignoring the wide eyes of the small Asian woman. Digging through her pink leather purse, she pulls out a bill for 100 credits and shoves it into her hand.
[say hey, good morning
as she jumps, her keys jingle]
"Good morning and goodbye," Relena says firmly. The woman bows once and departs, eyes flickering once more to the girl still resting in the bed, arms tangled in her long blonde hair.
[she leaves as quickly as she came in]
"Good morning, Miss Relena," Dorothy sighs as she falls back into bed, eyes raking over her body with something akin to love. "Sleep well?" And Relena nods, realizing that she's just had her first night of good sleep ever since her father died, since she took up the position of power.
"We'll have to leave soon," states Dorothy flatly. Two hand rakes through her bangs, straightening them from the sweaty tangle of the night before. "You were a good lay," she remarks casually, trying to draw that same spark from her lover, the same fire and anger and pain, all part of some strange emotion kindled from hate.
[and I roll over and taste the pillow with my grin]
"You were too." Relena lets the barb pass; there will be others to follow as the walls fly up again, pushing her out, pushing her away. They lie, side by side, not touching, just staring at the ceiling, until a knock comes at the door and they both roll off opposite sides of the bed.
Noin bursts in, eyes wild, then narrowed as she spots Dorothy, naked, pulling on her red silk thong. "What is she doing here?" she demands, pointing accusingly. Relena shrugs, and sits, perched on the edge of the bed, watching the purple-haired soldier battle with herself.
"Fine. I'll cancel your appointments for today. But Relena--" The blonde girl nods patiently. "Nothing. Enjoy your day off." The mocking words ring in her ears, as she realizes that Noin knows about her little romp through the school.
[the sheets]
"Well."
[are twisted and damp]
"I guess we'd better make the most of your day off, then, Miss Relena?"
[the heat is so great]
"I suppose we'd better."
[and I swear I can feel the mattress]
Relena falls back onto the bed, hands cradling the nape of Dorothy's neck loosely, stifling a moan of pleasure. "Ano...you need to undress again, Dorothy," she sighs, almost playfully, and pushes the other woman to the sheets, damp with their sweat and their tears, and even their blood. Teeth scraping against the softness of her belly, she takes the band of red silk into her mouth and tugs down, pulling them over slim hips ravaged with red scratches. [sinking underneath your weight]
And Relena drowns in her scent, heavy over her nose and mouth, baring her teeth as she feels a mouth touch lightly over the thatch of dark blonde curls, then her tongue on her, pressing hard, flicking over the sensitive bundle of nerves. Her teeth glimmer in the darkness, pearly white, before descending on one equally white thigh, biting the flesh hard enough to draw a purple flower bruise.
[your sleep is like a fever]
They grind together, every inch of skin screaming, begging for a touch, a bloody kiss, anything as long as it falls under the category of physical contact. Dorothy smiles knowingly as Relena's eyes shut tightly, and presses two soft kisses on each eyelid. Two for each bite mark. [and I'm glad when it ends]
They lie, a tangle of sweaty limbs and knees and elbows, blonde hair knotting with blonde hair, gray storms riding over blue sky.
[the road flows like a river]
Relena feels her lover's breath even out and smiles, tucking one stray piece of hair behind Dorothy's ear. Never one to snuggle, they lie apart on either side of the bed, a mile of white cotton between them.
The day ended all too quickly, she decides, and resists the urge to lean down and taste her mouth again. Two taste of forbidden fruit and she'll be content.[and it pulls me around every bend.]
She thinks of Heero and his cold Prussian blue eyes, wondering what she could possibly say to him the next time she sees him. For things are different now, and another set of blue stones haunt her dreams, aching, stormy, flawed pearls that are all too perfect to her eye.
Ariana
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