Teena: *grins* Here it is, my very first MST fic. I would like to thank Bee and Ana, who graciously offered their fics for me to rip to shreds. I appreciate their kind gift. Oh, I would like to mention, the description of me in the story is pretty close to how I really look. I subtracted about an inch from my waist, and ditched my glasses, other than that, I'm me. Ask anybody who saw me at Otakon, they'll back me up.
Four of the five Gundam pilots met up in front of an odd theater-like building. The two pairs looked at each other confusedly. Duo broke the silence.
"Oi, what're you guys doin' here?"
"We don't know, Duo. We got a note asking us to come here, but it didn't say why," Quatre replied with a shrug.
The two silent ones, Heero and Trowa, simply exchanged glances that passed for a greeting. Heero was the first to notice the two others who came walking up the the theater. Instantly, his gun was in his hand, pulled out from wherever the hell he keeps it in that spandex. "Treize, Zechs. Stop right there."
Treize held his hands up, palm towards Heero, to show he was unarmed. "Heero, please. There's no need. We're here because we received a note."
"You, too?" Quatre asked, wide-eyed. Treize nodded.
"Do any of you know why we're here?" Zechs asked curtly. Negative head shaking abounded. Suddenly, a voice came out of nowhere.
"THEY DON'T, BUT I DO."
"Who are you, and why are we here?" Heero demanded, trying to get a fix on where the voice was coming from.
"YOU ARE HERE... TO MST A FANFIC."
"Nani!?!!!" Everyone asked at once.
"I'M SURE YOU HEARD ME. YOU'RE HERE TO MST A FANFIC. I, THE BEAUTIFUL, CHARMING, AND TALENTED TEENA..."
"Says the disembodied voice," Duo grumbled disparagingly.
"NANI? WHAT WAS THAT?"
"I said, 'Says the disembodied voice'," Duo repeated boldly. "It's all right for you to go around saying you're beautiful and charming and such, when we can't even see you. No way for us to argue."
"WELL, IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE THAT WAY ABOUT IT..." the voice replied, in a distinctly sulky tone. There was a puff of smoke, and when it cleared, a teenage girl was standing there. Duo started his examination at the top of the head, and worked his way down. Her hair was waist-length, streaked in brown and bronze, and braided. She had wide hazel eyes, rimmed with thick black lashes. Her lips were full, and pouting slightly. Slender neck, and she was wearing a cross. She had a slender body, but with ample curves in the right places. She was wearing a green tank top and stretch pants. Her legs started in midair and went clear down to the floor. And it was a very, very long trip. Duo blinked as he finished his appraisal, then let out a wolf- whistle.
"Happy now?" Teena asked wryly, folding her arms across her chest.
"Definitely," Duo responded appreciatively.
"Good. Now if we can get on with things... As I was saying, I've called you all here to help me MST a fanfic."
"Why?" Zechs asked bluntly.
"Because it sucks, and it deserves to be made fun of," Teena replied, just as bluntly.
"And you included HEERO and TROWA?" Duo asked incredulously. Teena laughed and nodded.
"I'm not about to break up my favorite couples. Besides, you and Quatre might need some comforting. Some fics can get pretty traumatic. Let's head on in, okay? We'll wanna get some snacks before starting the fic."
With that, Teena walked into the building. The six young men exchanged glances, then followed her inside. Duo's jaw dropped as he laid eyes on a huge snack bar, complete with drinks. Teena grinned at his face, then gestured dramatically to the food. "Take whatever you want. No, Duo, there are no carts. You'll have to limit it to what you can carry."
Duo snapped his fingers in dismay, then ran over and started gathering various foods. The others wandered over and picked out a few things. Teena grabbed a few things for herself, then pulled a small vial out of nowhere. Waiting for a moment when Heero was distracted, Teena opened the vial and poured the contents into his drink. Duo, Quatre, and Trieze caught her at it, and she winked at them and placed a finger over her lips. Walking over to them, she explained in a whisper.
"Just a little something to loosen him up. The point of a MST is to heckle the fic. Can you really see Heero doing that under normal circumstances?"
Looks of somewhat wry understanding and amusement answered her question. Smiling, she led the way into the fic showing room. The seven MSTers sat down in the front row, and the lights dimmed. Then the fic started.
Carebearsx3, x1, x2 by Bianca
Duo: Anou... doesn't x mean sex?
Teena: Yup.
Duo: Ewwwwww!
Quatre: *buries his face in Trowa's chest* I LOVED Carebears as a child!
Trowa: *strokes Quatre's hair* There, there, little one. It's just a fic.
>They'd arrived with little fanfare
Duo: *makes a noise like a trumpet*
Quatre: Was that supposed to be a C sharp?
Duo: Nah, it was B flat.
Trowa: Very flat.
>at the Sunshine and Rainbows Mental Health Institute,
Teena: Since when can you have sunshine and rainbows at the same time?
Treize: Sunshine causes rainbows.
Teena: Oh, yeah. Rainbows come AFTER the sun comes out again. Ooops.
>all looking somewhat suspiciously at the plastic rainbows plastered
>all over the front lawn.
Heero: Well, it's better than plastic flamingos.
Quatre: Which are better than real flamingos. Do you have any IDEA how long it took to get Sandrock cleaned up?
>The decor included several old ladies attempting to jump from the
>30th floor
Duo: I thought only Heero did that kind of thing.
Trowa: Why does a Mental Health Institute have 30 floors?
Teena: Hey, there's a lot of crazy people out there. Take the author of this fic, for example.
Zechs: *grimaces* I'd rather not.
>and a spry old man yelling, "There they go! Boys in thongs! Young
>boys!"
Duo: Anou... Hee~rooo....
Heero: No.
Duo: *pouts*
>Duo sweatdropped. "Was this such a good idea?" he asked, elbowing
>Relena. "You've all been through a lot with the war. Noin
>recommended this place to me."
Quatre: I think I'm worried about Miss Noin.
Zechs: I agree. She's usually more sensible than this. Well, relatively.
>She didn't mention that the last time she'd seen Noin the poor
>woman had been busy painting herself blue and red with Crayola
>Washable Paints and singing the Carebear Countdown.
Heero: This sort of thing is why I spy on Relena. She always picks the worst secrets to keep.
Zechs: I wonder where Noin is now...
Treize: Somewhere with padded walls, I suspect.
>"Young boys!" (wink wink Angel Ikari)
Quatre: Do we want to know?
All: Uh-uh.
>"I don't know, Trowa..." Quatre looked doubtfully at the list of
>treatments. "I thought this was supposed to be therapy, Duo?
>Relena?"
Quatre: With my connections, I let Relena find us therapy? Does this writer have even the faintest grasp on reality?
Teena: Does any writer? Remember I AM a writer, so I know what I'm talking about.
>"It is. Look, you can have the Primary Colors Special or the
>Secondary Spa...
Duo: *makes a face* Bright and cheery... I hate it already.
Heero: *makes a face* Recommended by Relena... I hate it already.
>either way, you've all got issues you need to deal with, and I'm
>here to see that your lives aren't ruined with the end of this
>senseless war!"
Quatre: I don't have issues! Do I?
Trowa: *gently* Quatre, you blew up a colony.
Quatre: Oh... That. Temporary loss of judgement?
Heero: Temporary loss of sanity?
Quatre: Hidoi! Trowa, Heero's being mean to me!
Trowa: *soothes Quatre* Heero, was that really necessary?
Heero: *shrugs*
>Relena looked rather proud of herself. Dorothy suddenly drove by on
>a golf-cart and flicked her off.
Teena: *grins* I knew there was a reason I liked Dorothy.
Quatre: I can't stand her. *makes a gesture at the screen*
All: *look at him, shocked*
Duo: Where did you learn THAT!?
Quatre: *blushes*
>"BITCH!" They stared in amazement as the blonde Queen chased after
>Dorothy with a long pointy
Duo: Dildo?
>butcher's knife,
All: Damn.
>the Catalonia girl cackling as she drove into a pamphlet stand
>advertising the Sunny Day Special as the newest form of
Quatre: Breakfast?
>brainwa--er, post-traumatic stress therapy.
All: Damn.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Teena: Oooh, pretty stars!
Treize: What stars?
Teena: *whacks Treize with a mallet*
Treize: *dazedly* Look at all the pretty stars...
>"Close your eyes, Quatre."
Quatre: Yeah, right. I'm innocent, not stupid.
>He obeyed, feeling a little more than funny as fingers pried open
>his mouth
Duo: So he bit them.
Quatre: Duo! I would never do that!
Heero: He's right. Biting is inefficient. He shot the person.
Quatre: *sighs and gives up*
>and a strange gooey syrup was poured in. It tasted like
Zechs: Cum.
Treize: *shocked* Zechs!
Zechs: Just getting into the spirit of things, sir.
>sugar and old tea (very uncouth...)
Quatre: Extremely so. Old tea is absolutely horrible.
Duo: How would you know? I don't think tea has a chance to get old in YOUR house.
>and had the consistency of wet starch. "What's this supposed to do?"
Trowa: It's a new formula to aid in sustaining an erection.
All: *stare at Trowa with dropped jaws*
Trowa: *shrugs* As Zechs said, just getting into the spirit of the thing.
>"It'll help you let down your guard...
Heero: A Gundam pilot should never let down his guard.
Duo: Unless he's being fucked.
Heero: *concedes* Okay, unless he's being fucked.
>how can you talk if your mind keeps blocking out the bad rays and
>only lets you see the good rays? Can you see the bad rays, Quatre?
>Can you?"
Quatre: Of course not, my eyes are closed!
>The blonde boy, unable to see the psychiatrist, felt like he was
>having phone sex.
Quatre: That's not what phone sex is like.
Duo: You know what phone sex is like? Go Quatre! *whistles*
Quatre: *blushes*
>"This is dirty," he blurted out.
Quatre: No, Trowa naked with whipped cream and a cherry is dirty. This is just stupid.
All: *look at Quatre and Trowa*
Quatre/Trowa: *blush*
>"Aah, now we get to the heart of the matter. Embrace the bad rays,
>Quatre.
Quatre: I'd rather embrace Trowa.
Trowa: You're hentai tonight, little one.
>Let them touch you...aaah...doesn't that feel good, to have the bad
>rays?
Quatre: I'd rather have Trowa.
Teena: Deja vu.
Duo: All over again.
>You can't get rid of them unless you touch them, Quatre. *Touch* the
>bad rays." His head was spinning and he felt his breath become
>labored. "Touch them, Quatre."
Quatre: I'd rather-
All: That's enough, Quatre! We get the idea!
>"I'm out of here," he said, his eyes opening.
Heero: First intelligent thing you've said in this fic.
>He nearly choked as a pink bear with a fuzzy tummy floated by.
Treize: I've never heard of a bear that can float.
Teena: I'VE never heard of a bear that was pink.
Quatre/Treize: I like it.
Treize: Red would be better, though.
Teena: Rose red, of course.
Treize: Naturally.
>His therapist flashed him,
Quatre: *whimpers* I may go blind...
>then cackled, driving away on her dented golf cart,
Duo: Does this author have a golf cart fetish or something?
Zechs: Is that possible?
Heero: Anything's possible where sex is concerned. Trust me on this.
>kicking the bottle labeled "Special K" under the couch.
Duo: 'Special K'? Isn't that a cereal?
Teena: Might explain a lot about Kellogg's.
>"Fluffy?" he asked, tears pooling in his big, big, big, big blue
>eyes.
Quatre: My eyes aren't that big. Are they?
All: Yes, they are.
>"Is it really you?"
Zechs: I hope not. I'd feel a lot better about this fic if he was just hallucinating.
Quatre: You aren't the only one.
>The carebear didn't reply, but instead bounced onto the couch
Heero: It's humping the couch?
All: Eeewwwwww! Heero!
>beside him and held out a nekked picture of Duo, tongue out and
>pointing to his nipples.
Heero: Where did it get that?!
Treize: I was wondering what happened to that.
>"What?! You want to get with Duo?"
All(except Duo): Who doesn't?
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Teena: Oooh, more pretty stars!
Treize: *puts on a helmet*
>Trowa was bored. He was the last to go; the Sunshine and Rainbows
>medical staff were all busy.
Quatre: Trowa, you're so lucky!
>He decided to walk around and spy on his fellow pilots, see what
>they were up against.
All: You don't want to know!
>He caught fragments of Heero's conversation.
Heero: Shrapnel? Did the conversation self-destruct?
Teena: You should be so lucky.
>"...wet dreams about Dr. J!"
All: *gag*
Teena: *passes out brown bags*
All: *throw up into the bags*
>"And how does that make you feel, Heero?"
Heero: Sick.
>"...Wet."
All: Ergh.
>The banged person shuddered. Too much information.
Zechs: WAY too much information.
>He moved onto Duo's room, where he could hear loud screams and the
>sounds of cloth tearing.
Heero: Duo's BEDroom?
Duo: Er, I don't think so. In my bedroom, the screams usually come AFTER the cloth tearing.
>"SHINIGAMI LIVES!"
Duo: YES!
>"Were you not loved as a child, Duo?"
Quatre: It doesn't matter! He's loved now!
Duo: *hugs Quatre* That is so nice!
>"What?!? Shinigami lives!"
Duo: YES!
>"Who's Shinigami? Your imaginary friend? Would you like to introduce
>me to your friend, Duo?"
Trowa: Hmmmm. This is a very dense therapist.
Treize: Believe me, this sort of thing is not atypical.
>"Shinigami is Death! Shinigami lives!"
Duo: Y-mmpph!
Heero: *has a hand clapped over Duo's mouth* We understood the first two times, Duo.
>"Hmm...extremely morbid. Did you get enough hugs when you were a
>child? I don't think so; here, let me hug you, Duo. Hugs are
>important, Duo. Have you ever been hugged? Here, wrap your arms
>around me and put your hands here--"
Duo: Pervert!
Teena: I think that's a case of pot calling kettle, Duo.
Heero: I KNOW it is. The therapist is still a pervert, though.
All: *nod agreement*
>"Get away from me!"
Treize: This is why you should never trust strangers.
Heero: And it doesn't get much stranger than that.
>"Hold still dammit and let me hug you!"
All: HELL, no!
>Eh...I think that's all for now...
All: Thank God! *stand up and leave*
Out in the lobby, the seven were gathered in a small area, talking amongst themselves. Quatre is very firmly glomped onto Trowa, likewise, Duo is latched onto Heero. After careful consideration, Teena stood between Treize and Zechs, and was tightly holding both of them. One for each arm.
"Did anyone else notice that the ending said 'for now'?" Treize asked worriedly. All the others nodded agreement.
"Well, we'll burn that bridge when we come to it," Teena replied.
"Anou... I don't think that's how it goes," Quatre said with a puzzled look.
"Close enough," Teena remarked. "There are rooms above the theater. You guys should pick yours out and get comfortable."
"Huh? Don't we leave now?" Duo asked.
"No way. Did you think this was the only crappy fanfic in the world? Our group still has much work to do."
The other six looked at Teena, looked at each other, sighed, and nodded. All seven MSTers headed upstairs for some much-needed R&R until the next fic.
~owari~
Teena: Well? What'd ya think? Good, bad, should be MSTed itself? What? This is my first MST and I would appreciate a LOT of C&C for this one.
Teena Maxwell-Yuy
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