13-Jul-2000
Standard disclaimers apply.
"Are you sure you want to do this, Duo?" Heero asked rather doubtfully, eyeing the large handled scissors that Duo know held in his right hand. His right hand which was trembling uncontrollably, making his entire frame shake with the emotions that were rolling off him like heat.
"I'm sure," Duo choked out, his throat closing with the rising tide of emotion he felt beginning. It always began like that, every time he tried to cut his hair. He could still see his smirking face, hear his harsh laughter, like brittle paper against a piece of metal. "Just do it, Heero! Cut it all off!" he pleaded, holding out his hand to his lover.
"Duo..." Heero saw his pained expression, and the soldier in him, permanently out of commission, took over. He gently pried Duo's white-knuckled fingers from the blades and in two snips, his thick braid, heavy like rope, fell to the bed.
Duo shivered, feeling light-headed. "Thank you," he said demurely, lowering his eyes from Heero's searching stare. He knew he was going to have to explain, sometime. He reached out and pulled Heero into his lap, caressing his nipples through his shirt.
Later, he thought as he leaned down to kiss Heero. Later.
Afterwards, as they lay in the ecstatic afterglow, Duo began to speak.
"He was a bastard," Duo whispered, resting his head on Heero's chest, staring out the window. "Father Maxwell. He used me--used the other kids. He--" Duo paused, biting down hard on his fist to keep from crying out. If he started to cry, he wouldn't be able to finish what he wanted--what he had to--say.
"He used to...sit in this pew," Duo said softly. "Way in the back, right in front of the door. And then he'd take me and a couple of the other kids and have us lay down in front of the altar. He'd make us do things, just so he could get off.
"Sister Helen didn't know anything about it. She was so innocent. So stupid," he sighed bitterly.
"I remember this one night, Father Maxwell was real angry about something. Never did find out what. It just so happened that I'd been out on the streets too late and missed dinner; my favorite, macaroni and cheese." He chuckled half-heartedly. "Sister Helen was warming leftovers up when he came in. He look so angry...
"He raped her," he finished quietly. "Just threw her against the wall and hiked up her habit and that was that. She was devastated. They destroyed the church two weeks later." Heero didn't have to ask who they was; he'd heard their names in Duo's nightmares enough times to have memorized them.
"He always wanted me to keep my hair long, 'cause he liked to rub it all over his body, to keep his scent on me. To mark me as his." Duo reached out and touched the place where his braid had been. "I promised Sister Helen I wouldn't forget," he whimpered. "I haven't! Don't I deserve to--deserve some happiness? I deserve that much."
Heero held Duo close to him, stroking his neck comfortingly, glaring at the braid that lay on the floor, looking like a coiled up snake, ready to launch itself at any attackers. He'd throw it away early in the morning before Duo got up.
With that resolution firmly in mind, he drifted off to sleep. Duo watched his lover for a moment, expression unreadable. "I deserve that much," he repeated, and then lay back against the cool sheets, falling again into darkness, screaming.
End
Ana
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